Alright! Finally a time to breathe! Not that I can breathe all that well right now, as my cold has officially moved into my chest full force. I woke up this morning and sounded like a bass...at least when I could talk. Half the time I just ended up making this honking, rasping kind of noise. Which should prove interesting for the performance tonight. "What's the (honk) humming (rasp) tell (cough, cough) about Hugo and (hack).
It'll be beautiful!
So the past few days have been an amazing blur. For those that don't know...even though I think everyone does...I called the casting agency back yesterday and I recieved the e-mail last night. I'm supposed to read a scene they sent me from the script and sing the last part of "Good Morning Baltimore", and send in the tape. If they like me, I guess it would be on to L.A. from there to do cattle-calls and stuff. My mother already has my entire career planned out for me, and my dad thinks I'll go onto Broadway. I - meanwhile - am just flying by the seat of my pants. Oh, and I got accepted to BYU-I, though I'm still not sure if I'm going to go there (and I know Raage thinks I'm a dork for not saying absolutely that I'm going, but there are a lot of unknowns right now). But even if a miracle happens and I do make the movie, I figure I'll just go back to school after it's done. I'll just be the normal college Frosh who happened to make a major motion picture before her freshman year. Completely normal, right?
The only reason why I would want to get the role, besides the fun of doing it, would be so I could have all of college paid off.
So life is going really well for me right now. I got accepted at my two colleges of choice, I'm in the running for a lead role of a major motion picture with Queen Latifah and John Travolta, the show is going well and it's almost over, I've made it to state solo competition, my scholarship applications are done, I have awesome friends and a party to look forward to tonight, Spring Break is going to be awesome w/Janae, Raage, Nick, and now probably Yuki.
And it seems life is just flying by. I really just want to take a walk and talk with someone. I haven't done that in a long while. And I don't see it happening to soon either. Things have been happening so fast lately that I can't seem to follow them and keep all of them straight. Situations have come up that I really want to talk to someone about, to share my thoughts and see what they think, but there never seems to be time or the right circumstances. I know it'll happen eventually, and that things now probably don't matter in the long run, so why dwell on them, right?
I slept in today, and it felt so nice. Except I had a really strange dream. It was sort of complicated so I won't share it, but I think it had something to do with the book I'm reading, "Fire of Heaven". Which is actually quite a good book, despite the fact that there are 7 more that I have to read before I'm done with the series as it stands now. But I was creeped out by how it seemed to reflect on reality, and now I'm having a hard time differentiating what happened in my dream and what happened in real life.
That's the last time I take Niquil before I go to bed.
I like being spontaneous. And I like little kids that are willing to do anything for you. The Hokey-Pokey had to be the highlight of my day yesterday. I love acting like a little child, finding the joy in little things. Just how their faces light up when they see something simple, like a mud-puddle or rolling storm clouds. I think as we get older we take things for granted and see them as things to weigh us down. The sun rises every morning, meaning it's time to wake up and go about another day, not that Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to have light, the clouds mean rain and cold, not puddle-jumping and spring flowers. School means homework and sleep-deprivation, not seeing friends and obtaining knowledge. A butterfly is not to be noticed, not something to be stared at and smile to yourself at the beautiful wings. A leaf floating in the wind might mean a storm is coming, it's not something that makes you realize the awesome power that Heavenly Father has, or the beauty of the changing seasons.
I think that might be what they mean by being "child-like". Not just being humble and trusting and submissive, but being grateful for little things. It's the little wonders in life that will make you happy. And of course, some bigger ones will too. But you can't always have bigger ones, and sometimes the bigger things - like possibly making a movie - don't make you as happy as you think they would. Instead, happiness could be found in something as simple as taking a walk in the fall, just as the leaves start to turn.
Toodles!
-Jillian
26 comments:
So, although your mommy and daddy have your life planned, what does Jillian want to do, as you are an official adult are you not? One thing you might do is stop being so cliche. Another thing is to stop being pretentious and pompous. Adults are not as serious as you seem to portray them in your blog. Lighten up yourself! You might miss something. So you have an opportunity to try out for a possible cattle call. Goody. You and how many other aspiring young actors and actresses are doing the same thing? Do your thing and stop trying to make yourself seem larger than life among all the little people. Go take that walk with someone and talk. Be real. Plan for college. Be yourself and not what mommy and daddy want you to be unless that is really what you want to be. Perhaps your Heavenly Father is telling you to slow down some. Send in your audition tape and relax to enjoy the experience. If it goes anywhere else, so be it. Don't think too far ahead or so much into it. Graduation will be here soon and then college. That's real. It's great to dream, but try to do so with some reality. Read your last two lines again and think about it.
~ Just a passerby
You're absolutely right, or course, about all the other people auditioning for this role - that's why I joke about it. I'm sorry if that joking comes off as pompousness, just realize I'm laughing at it, and the fact that my parents think it might actually pan out. And don't be bitter you're a little person. I'm a little person too, as are most of my friends. I think being a little person is a lot more enjoyable than being a big person. The point of this blog was to enjoy being a little person, as well as the little things. Teenagers - not adults, as you assumed - have a tendency to think being a little person is a bad thing. And I will probably take my walk. Thanks for the suggestion, and have a wonderful Sunday!
-Jillian
Hmm, well Jillian was too nice about it. Keep your anonymous mouth shut you prick. Heh. If you have to point of all of this young woman's faults... you got a whole lot of checking on yourself to do, chubby.
Well, I didn't assume much of anything. Your friend, baxamus, did in trying to defend you. How chivalrous, but that's good, except for his assumptions. Oh, and no bitterness here, nor concern over being little or big or in between. I just am. Just as you are. We are no more or less special than the next person.
I wasn't trying to point out faults as much as expressing observation. Yet, happening across your blog, you seem very full of yourself, and not very confident in yourself. That is a dichotemy expected with your age, which is just an observation on my part, not a point of fault. (relax, baxamus) Sometimes it is important to listen to oneself and try to hear how one might come across to others in real life, though, as well as just in words of a blog. More importantly in real life among your friends, aquaintances, those who don't know you, and others who might have something to offer. Listen a little more instead of sharing yourself with everyone. And, please be careful as you open yourself up to the world with your blog. No worries from me, but who knows what others lurk through blogs.
~ Just a passerby, once again
Good gravy. You are pathetic. Just observations? Well, I obvserve that you don't even have the balls to put a name along with your own pompous little comments. I obvserve that you just like to hear yourselve talk and have no right to voice your observations, anyway. Please, will all the kindness I posess, get your lazy blog-reading butt out of here and leave Jillian alone. Aight, bucky? Piss off.
Pardon the french.
Ummm. whoa. what just happened?
Can't we all just get along?
No offense "just a passer by", but I didn't really write this blog so a passerby who doesn't know me could come by, read it, and judge me by it. Thank you for the suggestions, but - this might surprise you - I already knew most of the things you gave as suggestions. Seriously, don't be offended by this, but I'm not really in need of your help on my journey of "self-discovery". I have REAL LIFE friends who can help me there, and I trust them to tell me the type of things you've told me, because they know me and CAN make accurate judgements. Again, thanks for trying to help, but it's really not needed here.
-Jillian
p.s. if it's psychological analysis you're after, there are weirder people out there than me, and with weirder issues to.
Relax baxamus. Unfortunately, this is a public blog and therefore it is open to public observation, so anyone who comes across a public blog has an implicit right to comment, read, or whatever. Jillian and every one of you have posted for everyone to read, yet you expect no one, but yourselves to comment. This isn't an invite only private blog. It is searchable either by name, keyword, or at random. That's an inherent problem with these types of blogs. Of course, you have the right to not read what I post. To ignore me would probably be a good thing for you. As for my name, it can be anything, just like your name on here is baxamus. Now if I wanted to, I could read your profile, but that doesn't necessarily provide any truth either. It would be whatever you wanted it to be, but it does provide more possibly truthful information than you should give publicly in such a venue as this. So names are irrelevent and if I gave you my name, you wouldn't know me anyway. You may call me Melissa, if that would make you feel better having a name. As for your observation, I do not like to hear myself talk any more than the next person. This happens to be writing, or more precisely, typing. I do enjoy being verbose, as does your friend, Jillian.
Anyway, it is good that you are so protective of your friend, but you all should be more protective of yourselves. Despite your choicy words and verbal barbs, which aren't french and don't bother me at all, you are probably a wonderful person. Instead of getting mad, take this as a lesson that whatever you type and post is open to the world. I will leave you with your "kindness", Steven.
~ Just a passerby, but lingering a little while longer to complete our lovely conversation
Little Whee Jillian, as I posted above, you may not have intended to "write this blog so a passerby who doesn't know me could come by, read it, and judge me by it", but that is what happens. No offense taken that you are not really in need of my help. I wasn't really offering any.
It's interesting, though, that diaries and journals used to be private places to write your thoughts and now there are blogs that you can share with your friends and everyone else in the world! It's an odd exhibitionist and voyeuristic creation. Anyone with a little time can learn quite a bit about you, as well as your friends, and all you wanted to do was share your thoughts with your friends. It might be something to think about if your true intentions are what I quoted from your post.
~ Just a passerby that may wander off on another journey
P.S. I wish you well with your audition and your college experience.
Well... all I get out of your little comments is a mental image of some balding 40-year old stalker, who has nothing better to do than intrude on some girls blog. Yes, it may be open to the world, but does that mean that it isn't common courtesy to not interject every last whim you have at the moment in some completely random blog? We have these blogs that are friends may read them. Not so that some anonymous person may start up a ridiculous fued. Yes, it is your right to read this, and yes we could easily ignore you. But wouldn't it just be much easier and less degrading on whatever little image you have at the moment to just leave it all alone?
...queer...
Holy comment war! Wow. I just wanted to say that I think you're rad, Jillian, and HOW THE CRAP DID YOU GET THESE CASTING AGENCY CONNECTIONS?????!!!!!!!!!! That is soooo exciting. I wish you the best of luck. With the stipulation that you do some networking for me and hook me up with an audition or two. Just kidding. Keep us posted. And here's to having the same gross coughy-cold thing!
this has been the weirdest thing ever!!1
I'
m sorry but I don't know what I think about it yet, just that it made my day a little more interesting..
-isha
Steven, I'm not worried about my image, nor am I trying to start any type of feud. I kind of like that you get the picture you do because maybe you will think about what information you are giving to the world and that is what I had hoped to do. To make you think a bit. You all put an image out there that you may not realize or want to be seen.
It's good to have your blog to communicate in a different medium with your friends, but think about what you are doing and saying for everyone to read. Your friend, only me, seems to understand what I've been trying to say. Her profile is very non-descript. So is isha's and liz-a-nator's and, to some degree, Mollie's, since she doesn't use a last name. It's interesting to look at the hits on your profiles. Little Whee Jillian has 177 hits on her profile. Does she have that many friends or people that post to her blog? It doesn't seem so, but people have been looking. You have 93. This can be a good thing and a bad thing. I've learned a lot about you both in the last few days. It is "queer" isn't it? Or maybe you were calling me queer. Either way is fine by me.
It isn't about common courtesy in a public domain, obviously with your grasp of a vast vocabulary of interesting words. You would hope that there would be some, but the reality is that people are reading over your shoulder, and some, like me, will comment indiscriminately and some, like you, will react instead of thinking about what is being said. It's more about common sense and safety when you are in a public domain. It's about personal discretion, as well. You wouldn't advertise in the real world what you advertise on this blog, would you? Yet, this is a real world and one much bigger than La Grande, Oregon. Don't be lazy with your information and assume everyone out there will use it with decency.
~ Just a passerby pondering privacy practices
How many comments can we get on one post? Huh? any guesses?
This is fun.
oops i didn't mean to do it twice. Sorry...
Jeesh mollie, if you're trying to add on comments at least come up with new ones each time ;)
Just a passerby, I get what you're saying about privacy and giving out too much information, and I understand it and agree with it. But the thing is, no matter what you do on the internet, whether it's registering for college or looking at websites, you're leaving personal information out where other can reach it and use it to their advantage. I suppose you just need to trust in peoples decency. With my profile, half of it is false...actually, MOST of it is false and I've taken precautions not to let out any type of information that could prove dangerous to myself or my friends. You have a good point though, and I'll admit I'm starting to find this conversation a bit interesting.
This is fun. I think I like this just a passerby person. I may not agree with everything they have said, but he/she certainly makes you think, huh. I like people like that. And movies. Hee hee.
Well, Jillian, most of what you do on the internet does leave some kind of trail, but most of the information gleaned is tracking information that is used for statistical purposes and does not involve information that can lead to finding your address and such. Scholarship sites are fairly secure and anything dealing with banking is as secure as you can get unless you are dealing with the government. College applications are also secure. What you have with this blog is completely public. I have sufficient information to locate where you live if I did a very small bit of research using the information you provide. For one, you show your picture. Along with that, I have your first and last name, your town, and what grade you are in. As a small example, I now know your mom's and dad's names. Now, if you hadn't provided your last name, I would have had relatively little to go on to find out information. I won't post specifics about the information I found, especially on this public blog. You may think you have protected yourself, but you and Steven give just enough information to be dangerous to yourselves if someone was so inclined to harm you in some way. Your parents have at least kept their phone number unpublished. Of course, the likelihood of anyone doing something is pretty small, but why take that chance? I happened upon your blog by random, but I'll just torture you with my verbosity and nothing more.
As for your friend, MaeLee, I highly doubt you know me, but go ahead and call whomever you think I might be. I guarantee it won't be me. And, Beckah, I'm glad you like to think. I do like avocado, but not as guacamole.
~ Just a passerby who is thinking it is time to journey onward to another plane of reality, such as slumber
heheheh...but if you left who else would we have to continue this conversation?!?!?!?
lol...
oh, how did your audition go jill? anything exciting?
-isha
nah, quite boring and bad actually, especially since I couldn't sing full voice.
-Jillian
I sorry...I HATE bad auditions...you leave with a bad taste in your mouth, knowing you could have done better...hope it goes well...(I don't know if that means getting into cattle calls or not..do you? lol.......: )...... )
-isha
Sorry about your voice, but I hope it was a good experience anyway. Perhaps another time and another place.
~ Just a passerby again, but swiftly without much to say
It was a good experience. I hope you pass by again. I'm beginning to look forward to reading your comments.
-Jillian
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