Midnight Thoughts for a Sunday Evening

I've had lots of thoughts swirling around in my brain recently and I've wanted to get them out. So once again, we engage in list making, though this list may be annotated :)

I got a tattoo recently
It's a small treble clef that's about two inches behind my left ear. I will post a picture as soon as I take a good one. It has personal significance to me as well as to my relationship with God. While I was raised to be very anti-tattoo (and I oddly enough still am anti-tattoo in a vast majority of cases; how's that for hypocritical for you?) I mulled over it for roughly 3 months before I pulled the trigger, and I love it. While reactions have varied and I've allowed myself to feel saddened or guilty because of people's reactions, I've yet to feel guilty about the actual tattoo. Which is good, because it's obviously here to stay.

I'm an extrovert - except when I'm outside
I love being outside in nature. If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram you'll know that I feel like nature is God's love note to his children, and I never feel closer to him than I do when I'm outside. Also, if you know me at all, you know I LOVE people and am basically your textbook extrovert and dislike do anything by myself. However, the exception to that is being out in nature. I. Love. Nature. And I could spend hours in it by myself, just communing with Heavenly Father.

Modestly has been on my mind the last few weeks
Like, a lot. Again, modesty was a big thing for me while I was growing up. And while my idea of what modesty is has evolved and taken on different connotations, I still feel very strongly about its importance in society and in shaping both young men and women. And don't worry, I will most likely write a blog on this topic in the upcoming future (because I know we're all looking forward to another modesty discussion ;) )

Cutting people out of your life
My sister has spoken with me often about people who are in your "sphere of influence." I think it's something like roughly 10 people who are closest to you and have the power to influence you. I've been wrestling some pretty big spiritual and personal demons lately, and I've contemplated cutting people out of that sphere who cause me to question things that, up until now, I've taken for granted and received comfort from in my life. But I realized that doing so would just be avoiding the problem. If I'm not comfortable questioning things I consider to be truths, then I probably don't believe in them strongly enough to base a life off of.

Taking time off
I committed today to take time off. And not just "I'm shirking responsibilities and going out with friends spontaneously" time off. I'm committing to sit down for at least an hour once a week and read a book, watch a documentary, or just do something during which I am NOT ALLOWED to do anything else. This may sound simple, but seriously, I have the hardest time focusing on one thing and one thing only. Because of this, I find my ability to relax, think things through, and process information is decreasing. I am not okay with this, for reasons I think should be obvious. And actually, I think this is something everyone should strive to do in their lives. Basically just force themselves to stop for a second. We live such hectic lives nowadays, we take on so many projects and want to accomplish so much. What we don't realize is the frenetic pace that we plot can actually be detrimental to our overall productivity and happiness.

For the first time in roughly 5 years, I do not have a long-term life plan
It's stressing me out. Obviously, I haven't really followed any of those long-term plans, but at least I had them then, right?

Nymphadora Tonks
I just took this quiz a little while ago. I got Nymphadora Tonks, which made me unbelievably happy.

I hope everyone had a fabulous Sunday!!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Judgey McJudgerson, my favorite hypocrite

Okay kids, hold onto your seats. I'm about to get on my soapbox. You have been warned.

*pulls soapbox out of back pocket, steps up on it, and clears throat*

I enjoy watching people. It helps me learn things about myself as well as about how the world works and how to better empathize with people. This pleasure I take in getting to understand people has led me on some crazy adventures, put me in some interesting situations, and has made me aware of some very human tendencies that seem to pervade all walks of life. We all have a tendency to hypocritically judge people. To highlight this, I want to point to one of the more divisive issues I've seen in the past few years - that of drinking the adult beverage commonly referred to as alcohol *cue dramatic music.*

Now, just as a point of reference, I have been on both sides of this divide. I have both been the non-drinker who didn't even go to bars and the drinker who had one (or more) drinks 4 or 5 time a week. I have also been right in the middle - the girl who goes to bars with friends, has a blast, and then soberly drives them home and makes sure they are taken care of.

But this is where the rub is. I will tell a little anecdote to highlight this odd judgmental hypocrisy.

Flashback: while driving one of my slightly inebriated friends home, he was introducing me to his (equally inebriated) brother who was also in the car with us. As we were pulling onto his street his brother goes "wait, you're Mormon?!" I nod and laugh, realizing he asked this because of the Y bumper sticker on the back of my car. My friend then leans over, rubs my head and goes "Yeah, but she drinks, she's a cool Mormon. Seriously. She's like no other Mormon you've met."

I realize he didn't mean this to be insulting and in fact probably meant this as a compliment, so I dropped him and his brother off without incident. But then I turned to my other friend in the car and unloaded on him.

"So...I realize he didn't mean anything by it, but what the hell? Would my personality and 'coolness' be inexplicably altered if I didn't drink? Did he not trust that I wasn't judging him before, but now that he's seen me drink he knows that I'm not?"

My friend then worked diligently to calm me down. I don't know if I explained my frustration and hurt well enough, so it only clearly it only sort of worked.

In hindsight though, I realize a lot of it has to do with the perception that Mormons (especially in Utah) are judgmental and close-minded to those whose actions contradict Mormon doctrine and culture (newsflash - that perception is unfortunately based on a certain modicum of reality), but I felt frustrated and hurt that that was the linchpin, the deciding factor on whether or not I was a "cool" Mormon - or even worse, that being Mormon was apparently a hugely deciding factor in whether a person would be friends with me; it was this factor, not that I consistently gave up sleep and down time on the weekends to spend time with friends, or that I offered on several occasions to pick them up at any time of day or night so they wouldn't have to hassle with walking home or getting a cab and that I was just as likely to get up and dance on the table while sober as they were while drunk or that I made an effort in my everyday interactions with people to be as accepting and loving as possible. No. It was that I was actually willing to drink and that I was a Mormon. For some reason that took my rebellion to a new level of bad-assness that was suddenly commendable; it made me being a Mormon palatable. I was also frustrated at the insinuation that before I started drinking I wasn't cool and that, likewise, my LDS friends who didn't drink weren't just as "cool" or accepting as I was.

"So what, then?" I asked my friend. "If I suddenly decide to stop drinking I'm no longer 'cool?"

I chaffed under this. I didn't like the idea that these people I considered to be my friends may not have accepted me until I started drinking and I especially hated the notion of having one or two life choices be the deciding factor on whether my friends accepted me for who I was or not. These same friends seemed to spit and hiss at those who did the same to them, yet there they were, doing it to me. If that had been turned on his head and I had introduced him to my sister or my friends by explaining "No, he's not LDS, but he doesn't drink, so he's cool! He's not like any non-Mormon you know!" I'm sure he would have been just as put off as I was.

Yet I've seen that conversation happen before. It's seen in the exclamations or seeming rationalizations of "He's not LDS, but he's a really cool guy," or "he's basically a dry Mormon, he should hang out with us more!"

It seems like damned if you do, damned if you don't. For this reasons, a majority of my friends and family doesn't know that I've drunk alcohol. That secrecy has almost nothing to do with my own personal feelings about these choices - in fact, if any person were to ask whether I was drinking or not I would admit it with little to no shame. However, I hesitate to tell certain people about this because how some of them would react.

A lot of my Mormon friends are not aware of my drinking phases, mostly because the few that I have told have not reacted well. I remember even mentioning to a friend once that I went to a bar - just that I went there, and I didn't even drink - and she responded with "Oh...well...I guess you're from Oregon and didn't grow up in Utah, so it's probably different there than here."

I'm still not entirely sure what she meant by that.

But again, it's not like I tell all my friends who drink that I'm drinking. Some seem to take it upon themselves to "convert me" to drinking now that I've seen the light and want to get me smashed all the time so they can have the joy of turning a Mormon.

I appreciate that about as much as I appreciate the LDS friends for judging me.

So what's the point of this rant? I think the point is that verse in Matthew saying "Judge not lest ye be judged." And most importantly, perhaps we need to stop looking at actions by others in terms of "good" and "bad" or that knowing one or two things about a person suddenly changes who they are as well as their worth. If you enjoy spending time with a person you enjoy spending time with them. So what if they did drugs 5 years ago or were at a bar last weekend or always do 100% of their home teaching and attend all 3 hours of church every single Sunday. That doesn't change who they are now or how they make you feel. If who they are is a good person and how they make you feel is happy and a good version of yourself, go for it.

I'm not saying this should make you change your standards or put yourself in situations where you feel unsafe. By all means, if you don't want to date someone who drinks, don't date someone who drinks. Likewise, if you don't want to date someone who won't watch R-rated movies, that's your prerogative. But maybe the reason you feel uncomfortable at a bar is because you look down on the people drinking. Or part of the reason you feel uncomfortable in church is that you're judging the people there for buying into a religion you don't agree with.

And that's where I have the problem. Because doing that raises your knowledge, self-worth, and self-discovery above theirs while diminishing their worth and the possibility that they could touch your life in a good, meaningful way. You don't know why that person is drinking at the bar, nor do you know why that person is so compelled to be an active part of their church. Just as your life has directed you on a specific path with specific actions, their life has directed them on theirs. And perhaps if we want people to accept us for our choices in life we should work on being more accepting of others ourselves. After all, you can't demand respect until you give it. 

*steps off soapbox*

My Own Personal PostSecret

(Fact: I stole this from the PostSecret website)

Here's the deal. I saw this today and it resonated with me. My life is a little screwed up right now. And by that I mean more so than normal. I've felt myself overcompensating in my life for the last few years both spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and in certain ways, physically. I'm still not sure what to make of that, whether it's a good or bad thing, something I should keep up, or something I need to quit entirely. Yet the fact remains I am making choices that would probably count as me "screwing up" pretty hard in "other areas of my life." I appear to be a fairly well put together human being/contributing member of society on the surface - good job, good social life, good future prospects. But what a lot of people may not be aware of is I'm also making some "bad choices," and these "bad choices" may not just be a "phase" that apparently "everyone goes through" and eventually grows out of. I mean, it might be something I leave behind, but it's also just as likely something that I stop compensating for and learn to accept and fully incorporate into my life instead. 

I, personally, have mixed feelings about these choices. One thing I do know though is that when I actually stop to think about it, I don't actually feel bad enough about them to stop or even apologize for them, nor do I have the emotional energy to do so right now. However, I do know that I am not harming anyone and it's yet to be seen that I'm actually harming myself in any lasting way.

But I am also fully aware that I'm not entirely sure how God feels about these choices. I know he loves me, regardless of whether my choices are good, bad, or compensating. But as far as he accepts and understands them as something necessary for my future progression or is just waiting for them to pass with patience? We'll see as time progresses, I suppose. 

These are a few of my favorite things...

I've made my semi-annual trek back to La Grande. It was odd, on my way here I was thinking about the (literally) hundred or so times that I've driven that stretch from Ontario to La Grande and how every single time, without fail, one of my favorite things is to check and watch as the clock on my phone switched time zones. It's a little tricky as it never happens in the exact same place, nor does it always happen before or after the sign declaring you've changed time zones. And while I know it's silly, it's something I look forward to every time it happens. There's just something strangely satisfying about seeing your clock add or take away an hour in the blink of an eye. Especially while driving to La Grande, I get this odd satisfaction out of reliving the same hour twice; tonight it was the 10 o'clock hour. I had two 10:30s tonight.

While I don't expect people to understand exactly why I find this so wonderfully fulfilling (I don't quite understand it myself) I'm sure there is someone else out there who can relate to that feeling.

Toodles!

-Jillian

Awesome Moment of the Day, January 31

So, since I can't necessarily talk about my internship, instead I'm going to share something me and my housemates have begun to call the "Favorite Moment of the Day." Essentially, we share our - you guessed it - favorite moments from the day. This isn't like a good news minute where people try and find something that everyone can ooh and awww over; these are stories that highlight how ridiculous our lives are and show that you can have extraordinary moments in an ordinary life.

For instance:

I tend to butt-dial my parents from time to time. It's completely unintentional (hence butt-dial), and now that I'm three hours ahead of time it's a bit of an issue. This morning I accidentally dialed my dad at 7:30am my time, so 4:30am my parents time. I ended up hanging up and figured my dad would shoot me a text or call me when he woke up around 11 or so my time.

I get to work and, as always turn off my phone. We eventually go on a tour around 3 in the afternoon, and as we leave the Staff Assistant, Meghan, makes sure I have my phone as this was the first time Thomas (the other intern) and I had been let out on our own for a tour. I happily turn the volume up on my phone, hoping I get a call from my office as I have a special ringtone (It's Beyonce's "The Star Spangled Banner.")

As we're bringing the former Oregon Legislator and a former Senate staffer through the little House rotunda, we pass the Speaker's office. As Thomas starts in on a story about some Oregon constituents running into the Speaker, my phone starts going off. But it's not my office. Instead, this song echoes through the House rotunda:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M11SvDtPBhA

Yup. It's fine. I'm a actually a 14 year old girl.

It was then that my father decided to call. Luckily I managed to silence it pretty quickly and the entire party chose to ignore what happened. But still, it was a pretty awesome moment.

-Jillian

The City that Runs on Escalators and Coffee...

So far in DC I have:

Been hit in the head with bubble gum

Started a call and response during a parade in the southeast quadrant/ghetto of DC

Fallen down a flight of stairs

Lost my metro card/had my metro card stolen

Wore patriotic beads in a parade

Gotten lost in the Rayburn Building tunnels and, subsequently the Longworth and Cannon tunnels - several times

Cried in the American history museum

Seen a part of the World Trade Centers, part of the Berlin Wall, and the hat Lincoln wore when he was assassinated

Corrected my supervisor on the founding of the United States

Failed at making copies

Sorted through 200 faxes

Visited the Washington and Lincoln monuments

Explored the WWII memorial

Learned the Smithsonian is not, in fact, one museum, but rather several different museums

Visited the White House

Toured the Library of Congress

Tripped several times while walking down the street - on nothing, or sometimes a stray brick.

Worn heels EVERY DAY at work

Eaten at Georgetown Cupcakes; and yes, that is the Georgetown Cupcakes from the TLC show DC Cupcakes

Visited the Federal Circuit Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia

Had a wonderful dinner where I was able to socialize with my office

And so much more...

Needless to say it's been a very, very busy 9 days, and I am so excited for the next 13 weeks!

I would like to apologize; my ability to blog is limited by the fact I am working with government and even being lectured by governmental figures. We've been given explicit information that we are not to talk or share what we learn or discuss at our jobs or are lectures.

Alright, I've got to get up in 7 hours, so I'm heading to bed. Keep your eyes peeled on Facebook for some more pictures and updates!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Just for the record...

Mixing cough syrup with codeine and Mt. Dew is not the best plan when you have stomach ulcers.

Just in case any of you were tempted to try, I thought I'd give you the heads up.

Toodles!

-Jillian

Pre-Thanksgiving update

Well, I have an upper-respiratory tract infection and the doctor is pretty sure I have ulcers. More on that later.

As of now, I have completed (to the point of needing maybe another hour of work to perfect) 2 papers.

Before Thanksgiving, I have yet to complete: an 18 page rough draft (again, hopefully needing only 4 or 5 hours of perfecting), a 12 page paper, and a 5 page paper.

During Thanksgiving, I need to complete: a 5-page paper on an interview that has yet to take place, an 8 page biography, and an 8 page book analysis.

That sounds a bit intense for 5 days, I know. But I think I can do it.

After all that, I only have another round of edits on the 18 pager (this is my Senior Capstone, in case you didn't know), another round on my already finished paper, and another 12 pager.

Oh. And finals.

I feel like I should be more stressed about this than I am. Maybe I'm just over it. Or maybe I'm just thinking about all the small things I've accomplished in the last few days and am feeling pretty good about myself. Who knows. Either way, 6 weeks and I will be done with my last semester at BYU. It's a little freaky.

Toodles!

-Jillian

This is what I feel like right now...

However, because I am a student, this is what I look like right now...

Yup...apparently it's that time of year where my body decides it hates me. It all started Sunday evening. I was eating fajitas at the Macaroni Grill family dinner when I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Not horribly so, just a uneasy to the point that I put my tortilla filled with happiness back down on my plate. I went to bed that night thinking I'd feel better in the morning.

I did. Sorta. My stomach was still a little uneasy, but I blamed that on the ulcer's that I've suspected I have. However, as the day progressed and Monday night rolled around my stomach was rolling too. I had had amazing plans to be productive and get a lot of work done. Instead, I spent a lot of it trying to figure out how to position myself so I would be in the least amount of pain and typing fairly nonsensical things in lieu of strong arguments in a paper. I didn't end up falling asleep until 1am, hoping I'd feel better enough in the morning to make it to my 8am class.

Again, this didn't happen. I woke up a little before 7, and while my stomach was hurting as badly, it was still an unhappy little organ. So, knowing my friend Madeline could give me notes, I went back to sleep for a few hours, knowing I'd have to wake up for a phone interview later on.

When I woke up at 9, my stomach felt, if not better, at least less shaky. I went to Smith's and bought some ginger ale and crackers and began my productivity. That productivity lasted through an interview, class, readings, bibliography writings, and a fun break for Crazy Bread, until around 9 pm. Suddenly my head started hurting. No, not hurting, THROBBING. It started in my neck, just below and behind my ears and moved all the way up to the sides. Whenever I moved it got worse. My chest started randomly feeling hollow and I started coughing - which did NOT help the headache. My stomach was still feeling a little solid, though uneasiness had started to seep in as well. I gave in at 11, gave up trying to do work, and went to bed.

Waking up today, my stomach felt pretty good - not perfect, but at least I didn't feel the need to stop moving. Well, I did feel that need, but only because anytime I did anything to get my heart pumping, I the giant hammers in my head start pounding away again. This has continued through most of the day. However, there's very little I can do about it.

I have no idea what's wrong with me, but it's starting to piss me off, mostly because I just don't have time for it. SERIOUSLY. Because I've got a lot of shiz going on, and I CAN get it all done, assuming I power through.

So you know what, body? I WILL finish that paper tonight, and I will finish grading those papers and re-take that quiz. And tomorrow I will research and write the outline and write my past-participant interview paper. And on Friday I will code and go to the meeting and work on my paper and go to work, and this weekend I WILL write my 20 page paper, therefore freeing up time to write my Argentine History paper next week. I CAN GET IT ALL DONE!

I CAN HAVE IT ALL!!!!!

Please note that the above is a really awesome 30 Rock reference. Imagine Tina Fey saying that while showing a meatball sandwich into her face, which is covered with tomato sauce. Classic!

Thank you.

-Jillian

Las Vegas, or "You know you've got great seats when you're closer than Wayne Newton"

For those of you who don't know, I recently took a 36 hour road-trip to Las Vegas. Not for the normal college-student reason, of course. We went to go volunteer. At a political debate. Kind of nerdy, but so much fun!

We left Provo at 7:30 (we were supposed to leave at 7 but Jordan forgot his shoes and then Brandall tried to give Katie directions to Alissa's house and we spent 15 minutes driving around a parking lot...no joke). It already felt so late at night, but we were too excited to care.

Me and Brandall (with Alissa and David in the background) just so excited to head down!

The drive didn't end up being too bad. We stopped over in Fillmore to get gas, grab munchies, and switch drivers. Overall though, there was a lot of music, laughter, singing, and headbanging. And, as always happens when the kids eat sugar and run around, we all fell asleep while watching Amazing Grace. There's just something about that "sitting in the car" feeling that's so darn soothing...

Jordan so excited to play chauffeur/papa

Fun with food

The Gang in the back!

Thanks to our handy GPS who changed the route whenever we hit construction or got lost, we arrived in Las Vegas around 12 am PST. We stayed at Katie's brother's house down there and they were so nice! Her sister-in-law let us in and gave us cookies before she ushered us to bed.

But not before we snapped a "we're so tired but we're HERE!!" picture

We got up the next morning around 8 and Katie's sister had made us delicious french toast. I spent most of the time scrambling to finish up my cover letters while we all just enjoyed a more leisurely morning before we headed for lunch at the strip.

Having breakfast down below

Jordan went to go visit his cousin who had had just had a baby, so it left the six of us to wander around Vegas for a little while and snap some awesome pictures.

Herman Cain and Wolf Blitzer! ...Seriously though, what kind of a name is Wolf Blitzer?

After a quick lunch at the Grand Lux (I had a seared ahi tuna salad with avacado and ginger - so good!) we scrambled to get to the conference center and meet up with my contact. We found her, but then spent the next hour sort of standing around waiting for the thing to start. While waiting we avoided the Nevada College Republicans who looked a little douchey and awkward and instead hung out with four little old ladies. They were so wonderful. I think Jordan actually fixed one of their phones.

Outside the Conference hall. Such a good looking group!

We were eventually herded into an absolutely huge cement and metal room where the debate hall was set up. Literally, it was set up inside the big empty room. Essentially it was just a bunch of taunt backdrops set up to make it look like an official debate hall. It was amazing.

We were divided into groups and then put at tables with a giant master list. Our jobs were to look through the list, compare the names on there to the persons ID and then give them a properly colored wrist band before they went through the metal detectors. That was it. That's all we had to do. It wasn't difficult and took maybe an hour and a half and then we got to go see the debate for FREE!

Inside the debate hall. Which wasn't really a hall. But still.

Somehow Jordan and I lucked out and found ourselves sitting in the very front row. Like, literally, the front. Meaning Rick Perry and I had a stare down and I spoke to Anderson Cooper about his shirt and tie combination. I was actually concerned I was going to flash the candidates if I shifted in my skirt wrong.

The debate itself was amazing! You could feel the energy from the crowd and the fire of the candidates. It was also great to see how the candidates acted when the camera's were off them. Michelle Bachmann kept going backstage during the commercial breaks, Mitt Romney went into the crowd every time. They shook each others hands, and joked and laughed about things that had been said during the debate. Some of it might have been forced, but even the show of civility was nice.

Afterwards, all of us met up again and pretty much just floated out of the conference center on cloud 9! We were supposed to volunteer at the V.I.P. reception after the debate, but due to some mix ups with the master list (some VIPs were listed as regular, even though they had paid $800 extra) so the WRLC people were going to be working the reception to smooth things over. We were okay with that, mostly because as it was we would be making it back to Provo at 3 in the morning. Besides, it gave us some time to actually enjoy the strip as more than half of us hadn't been there before.

Our "we're cool and allowed into the debate" wristbands

After a quick semi-decent clothing swap in the car, we were dressed in normal clothes and ready to take Las Vegas by storm. We had decided the 2 things we wanted to do were have gelato and watch the fountains at the Bellagio. So we all loaded into the car and headed over.

Jumping off the fountains in front of the Bellagio

The ladies...

Watching the fountains

Best friends in Paris! Or Vegas. Same Thing.

Everything was so much fun! We got lost in the hotel/casino's (seriously...you'd think the exit sign would mean you can exit from there. You can't.) took some fun pictures, at gelato, lusted after the chocolate fountain, and rode on lots and lots of escalators. But, with all good things, they must come to an end. Especially because we all had class the next day. So, with satisfied souls we loaded into the car and started the drive back to Provo.

But not before we decided to blast music and stick our bodies outside of the sun roof while driving down the strip...

You can't go to Vegas and not do something of questionable legality...

We stopped in Mesquite to grab some food and some gas, and from there it was back to Provo.

So excited to have had this experience together!

Once again, Jordan drove while the rest of us slept. And lest we forget, we actually listened to the debate again so we could listen to the commentary from the political pundits. It was interesting to compare the opinions of those listening or watching to ours who were actually there to experience it.

Somehow Jordan managed to get us from Vegas to Provo (usually a 5 and a half hour drive) in a little less than 4 hours. It was amazing! We all unloaded, said good-bye, and went our separate ways.

Home safe and happy at last!

However, it was an experience I know we will never forget!

Things that I say

Here's a slight taste of things I have said in the last 24 hours:

"Alissa, you look like a Canadian today."

"Man...I really wore the wrong underwear for this job."

And, my personal favorite, "I have 3 sores in my mouth. I wonder if it's because my diet's consisted of caramel corn for the last 2 days."

The best part it, they may or may not have made sense in the context of the conversation.

Toodles!

-Jillian

Feminist reflections on Costa Rica

After glossing over the syllabus for my Modern Latin American History class during our first lecture, I couldn’t help but notice one glaring exemption – Costa Rica was not mentioned anywhere; not in the quiz schedule, not in the lecture material, not in any of the readings or the study guides. When I asked the Professor why this was he shrugged and explained that when studying history we tend to focus our attention on the countries with turbulent pasts; countries with wars, revolutions, class struggles, and events we can analyze. This was understandable, especially in a class that covered such a large area over such a large period of time. Compared to Argentina, Brazil, and Mexico, Costa Rica had it easy. They had been a stable functioning democracy since the short-lived “revolution” in 1948, and even before then they were a fairly established, independent, self-governing society. I asked about its tourism industry, knowing the professor specialized in the history of tourism and that Costa Rica was renowned for its beautiful black and white sand beaches, good surfing, and laid back Rastafarian atmosphere. He shrugged again. As far as tourism went, Costa Rica was doing it right. They weren’t compromising their majestic cloud or rainforests, polluting their waters, or isolating their land into privately owned resorts, but rather preserving them through ecologically friendly efforts. Their culture, being heavily influenced by the United States and typical Western culture, was already friendly and accessible to American and European tourists alike.

While we were having this conversation, I was overly aware of my wrist where my favorite souvenirs from my time in the land of “Pura Vida” were tied: two simple bracelets – one bought from a street side artisan vendor in the city of San Jose and another given to me by the Nicaraguan refugee children I taught in the slum of Carpio, just east of the capital. While I couldn’t help but agreeing with a lot of what he was saying, I also knew from the six weeks I had just spent in that country that Costa Rica had its own demons it was still fighting.

The largest of these was the Latin idea of machismo. Prevalent in many Latin American countries, Costa Rica was no exception. For the most part, women are expected to stay in the home and raise the children, especially in the more rural areas away from San Jose. In that way, staying at home as a woman became a social symbol. If you had a husband with a good enough job that allowed you to stay home, you would. During our six week stay, we lived with a Tico family of four in the suburb of San Pedro. The mother, Duerin, stayed at home while the father, Oscar, worked two jobs to support the family. He was gone before we left the house at 7 each morning and returned well after we had retired to our bedrooms around 9 that evening. She did all of the cooking, cleaning, and chores around the house – except on the weekend. On the weekends the social order seemed to be turned on its head. Oscar seemed to get home from work early and would not only take those two days to play and take of their two children, Pamela and Samuel, but after every meal he would do the dishes and help clean up after the meals. A few houses down the road, where my friend Stanley was staying with Oscar’s parents, every weekend signaled the Papa Tico that it was his turn to wake up early and make breakfast to give his wife a break from cooking every morning. According to Stanley, his gallo pinto (a traditional breakfast dish made from rice, onion, black beans and other spices) was even better than his wife’s.

However, in the urban center it was not unusual to see women – especially younger women - walking to and from the banks where they were tellers, or from the many hospitals downtown where they were performing their residencies to become nurses. Teaching seemed to be an occupation dominated by women. In the school where I volunteered, there were only four males on the staff of 50– one of which was the principal. Very rarely were these women married, meaning a majority of the women I interacted with had either never been married or had been divorced. Take for instance, Ruth, one of the English teachers we volunteered with. When I was there, she was putting herself through school at the local university and teaching during the day, while raising three children as a single mother because her husband had an affair and left her a few years before. This kind of family dynamic is becoming the norm. With single-mother- headed households on the rise in Costa Rica, it is hard to see where women - who are traditionally kept out of the work force because of familial obligation - will fit into the economic system. Because of this 24% of mother-only families are below the poverty line, especially those in the rural area, outside of San Jose. They tend to take jobs at maids, cleaners and other forms of work with subservient pay and unstable job retention. And, due to its legal practice in the country, some women become prostitutes.

Luckily, I only had one run-in with this practice in the six weeks I lived in the country. A group of friends and I were walking a few blocks north of the central avenue, in a more posh area of the city. There were European style hotels that obviously catered to a higher tourist clientele, and on the corner by a Swill style chateau there were two women clearly dressed to signal their profession. We were a little shocked, especially because a cop car was parked a few blocks away and our American sensibilities were telling us that the cop car should be arresting them, or at least telling them to scatter. It wasn’t until later when I did a little research that I realized where they were located was no accident. While Tico men frequent prostitutes, sex tourism is a large source of the industry. Men from other countries come to Costa Rica for the explicit purpose of having sex with a Tica (while women come from other countries as well, a significant majority of sexual tourists to Costa Rica are men). Unfortunately, it has also created an off-shoot of illegal child prostitution. Thankfully the Costa Rican government has cracked down on this practice in the last few years, but there were signs throughout the community that showed it was still an issue. Driving to my project everyday on the bus there was a billboard with a pair of sad, brown eyes looking out at you. Underneath it reads “I am not a tourist attraction.” If that wasn’t jarring enough, the first thing you see when you exit the ‘international arrivals’ gate at the San Jose airport is a cardboard cutout of a police officer holding a sign that says “having sex with a minor (under 18 years) is illegal.” However, this is made difficult by the legality of prostitution for those over the age of 18 as differentiated between the over 18 and under 18 line can be difficult. The United States had aided in attempting to halt their citizens from practicing child prostitution by making it a federal crime to have sex with a minor in another country, and hopefully the Costa Rican government will continue to reduce this occurrence of this practice.

American and other western influences are seen in other areas of society. Fashion and style trends are very similar to what is seen in the American media. Women are never seen out in public without full-make-up and heels. Whether going to the movie or to the market, women always wear heels. All clothes, including women’s medical scrubs are tailored to show of female curves. American media has also changed the perception of American women in the country. Without fail, unless I was walking with Stanley, and even sometimes when I was with Stanley, I would get shouted or whistled at by Tico men on the street. Female volunteers were repeatedly told never to go anywhere by ourselves or with another girl at night and were given a very strict dress code. While Tica’s consistently wore low-cut shirts, short skirts, and no sleeves, we were told to have our knees, shoulders, and chests covered at all times. Even with those guidelines, there were still some issues of intense sexual harassment.

That being said, there were some less obvious differences, some good and some not. While travelling in the tourist city of La Fortuna, we were waiting for the bus back to San Jose, and a woman sat there breast-feeding her baby in public with no cover. It happened again in downtown San Jose in the Plaza del Oro. The women didn’t receive any odd looks as if it were a completely normal occurrence. This was starkly different from the US where a women breast-feeding in public, even with a cover, is bound to get judgmental looks. However, in a less positive vein, the first time I saw a woman with obvious signs of having been physically abused, I was sad to realize I was the only one who seemed disturbed by the bruises on her arms, cheeks, and eyes. The second time I saw this I noticed the same thing - I was the only one on the bus obviously disturbed by this. Or course, it could mean several different things. It could be that there was a social stigma against openly staring at a woman who was abused. It could be that it happened so often that other people, including other women, did not notice it anymore. It could also mean that, as these women were Nicaraguan immigrants (once derogatorily described to me as ‘the Mexicans of Costa Rica’ by a native Tico) that ‘their’ abuses weren’t worth caring about because they were already draining money from the system. In any case, this indifference was incredibly disturbing and left me feeling unsettled for days afterwards.

At the WomanStats project we have a saying: “once a coder, always a coder.” You’re trained to see the world and its anecdotes as data points that display an overarching attitude of a country. By experiencing Costa Rica through this lens, I realized how important this project is to humanity across the globe. There are many, many good things about Costa Rica – in fact, the good outweigh the bad. The people are happy, have a stable government, and a strong sense of religious community and social and ecological responsibility. I could not begin to count the number of times I saw men and boys stand up on the bus so a woman with a small child or an elderly person could have their seat; likewise not a week would go by without me witnessing a total stranger reaching out to help take care of or comfort a child that was not their own. However, there are some things that need fixing as well. The goal for the country and its citizens now is to keep the good while purging itself of the bad.

Deadlines...

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...

Not going to lie, feeling a little stressed right now. I've got 3 deadlines approaching this week and I don't feel nearly prepared for them.

Tomorrow (Thursday) is the deadline for Washington Seminar and I'm still working on my letter of intent as well as editing my writing sample.

I have a prospectus due on Friday that I need to get an A on.

Also on Friday my very first WomanStats blog post is due for work. Plus my family's coming into town that weekend so I need to be caught up on my homework.

Pressure's on...

Arenal - also known as "do we really want to sell out for air conditioning and a pool?"

The answer to that question was a yes. An emphatic yes.

This last weekend, Stanley and I headed off to Arenal to have some rest and relaxation. For some reason, week 3 had been a little more stressful than the rest, and we were excited to have some chill down time. You know, look at a volcano, visit some hot springs, the usual stuff.

Because of the desire to have a relaxed weekend, combined with the fact that I wasn't feeling too hot the previous week, we managed to end up going, just the two of us, which turned out to be really nice for several reasons.

The first reason being we ended up having to take a day off work to go - something that's hard to do with a large group of people. Because of how the bus schedule works, there are no afternoon buses that go from San Jose to Arenal. The past few weekends it's always been: get off work at noon, catch a bus between 2-3. Unfortunately, the only buses left at 6:15, 8:40, and 11:45. So instead of leaving Friday afternoon we left early Saturday morning with the plan to come back Monday afternoon, meaning we wouldn't be rushed and would really be able to kick back and relax. We cleared it with our projects and Maximo and we were set.

The second reason this was really nice was this place:

Luigi's Hotel/Casino/Restaurant/Bar/Discotheque. Yeah, we stayed here.

Don't judge. As usual, we got off the bus and the first thing on our to-do list was find a hostel. We had scoped it out before and while there were cheaper options, upon viewing them - and realizing just how awful and sticky it was there - we decided we'd splurge a little. We had budgeted $14 a night if we wanted to stay at the Arenal Backpacker's Hostel which was our back-up place and had a pool. However, a lot of people we knew from Maximo were going to stay there, and while we love them we wanted to be able to just veg and exist as opposed to running around and doing activities with everyone. So instead, we stayed at the above mentioned place for $25 a night. Not per person, that's per room. So Stanley and I, instead of paying $14 a night for a bed in a giant dorm room, ended up paying $12.50 a night for our own private room that - and this is what sold is in the end - had air-conditioning!!! The pool was a fun perk, but we didn't end up using it all that often as it was dominated by loud, splashing 3-12 year olds a majority of the time. However, the A/C? Oh...we more than got our money's worth on that!!

So after finding this gem of a place (which was a fluke, really. We were looking at a cartoon map of the city and some random guy comes up and asks what we're looking for. We tell him we're looking at hostel's and he's like "this place is nice." SPIRIT GUIDES!!!) we do our typical thing: buy lunch supplies and figure out what we want to do on this trip. There were 3 things we really wanted to do in La Fortuna/Arenal. 1) see a waterfall, preferably the waterfall. 2) see the volcano. And 3) go to the hot springs that existed because of the volcano. So on our way to and from the grocery store (where I discovered and fed my ridiculous love of Tang) we discussed various options for tours, finally deciding on doing the lazy one - meaning the one where we hiked as little as possible. While we weren't able to see the big waterfall - which had lost some of it's allure when we realized we couldn't really swim there - and we weren't going to a hot spring resort, we were going to the river where the hot springs got their water from, walking on hanging bridges, seeing a smaller waterfall that you could swim at, and getting to see the volcano, all with a guided tour. Also, the guy we booked it with told us about a free local watering hole where the ticos went to go swimming and cliff-diving, plus it had a Tarzan swing.

With all this information in mind, we sat out by the pool reading for a while before finally deciding to head out for dinner. While I can't remember the name of the soda we went to, we had seen it in Lonely Planet and were very excited to go. When we got there we were a little stressed. As server's we can tell when the wait staff is a little over their head, and trust me, this chica was. She was serving probably 30 people - and she was the only one. However, she was super nice and was effective in that she took our orders and made our delicious fruit smoothies. So while we had something to sip on, we were still waiting a while for our food. We've learned to bring playing cards with us during these experiences, but in the hustle to leave the blissfully cool hotel room, we had forgotten. Instead, we were armed only with my camera, which we put to good use:

Yeah...this happened. Instead of sitting there awkwardly like most people would do, we took various pictures of ourselves, going back and forth, portraying different emotions or experiences. 10 points if you can name 1/2 of what these photos are.

Don't worry, we also built things with the ketchup and mayo packets. Like a little "log cabin." Finally though, the food arrived, and it was divine. Definitely one of the better choices we have made. Stanley had bleu chicken and I had nachos con pollo y carne. By the time we left we were happy fat kids once more.

The next day dawned bright and early, and after a breakfast of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, we decided to head out and find the local watering hole. It was about a 20 minute walk from our hotel, though it was a bit longer on the way there and we were trying to find it. However, once we saw it, we knew we had made a good choice.

The local watering hole as seen from above

It actually was that beautiful!

We got there around 10 am, and the only other people there were 2 American girls and 2 ticos who clearly came here a lot. They were climbing and diving. So Stanley and I had to join in.

Stanley posing as he lets go of the Tarzan swing

Jumping into the waterfall. Don't even worry about it, guess who forgot their actual swim suit and board shorts? That's right, THIS guy!! Luckily I had stuff for less intense swimming that made due...

This little dog was legit.

So, story time. You'd think with all the dogs running around like crazy, people would be less likely to let their dogs run amok for fear of them running off. Not so. Rather, I think they're so careless with them because if they do run off or get hurt they can readily find a replacement. Take this dog, for instance. Around 11:30 or so, these 4 teenage ticos showed up with this little puppy in tow. They quickly shed their over garments and ran - literally - across the rocks and dove in like pros, leaving this white little dog to sort of scitter around. I had already had to rescue a little dog who was stuck on a rock in the river and was not liking how this dog was poking around the very edges of the cliff with a tumultuous river 10 or 15 feet below.

At first, when one of the boys came back to grab the puppy, I felt relief. They were going to take him to the bottom of the river bank where he could splash in the puddles and enjoy himself. However, instead of carrying him down, the boy does just what this picture shows. He lowered the pup down to a lower cliff, wagged a stick in front of its face, and then threw the stick in the water. When the pup didn't immediately follow the stick, having lost it in the turning of the waterfall, the boy took the puppy and threw him in the river! Not going to lie, I freaked out a little bit. However, the dog resurfaced, stick in tow, and paddled his little way over to the bank where he continued to skitter around the rocks as nimbly as his human counterparts.

Necessary Chaco picture

Stanley mid-back-flip off one of the cliffs

We splashed around until 12:30 or so before we decided we needed to start heading back to our hotel to get ready for our tour. So, happy and soaking, we took our leave of the, now busy, swimming hole.

Along the way, we saw the most beautiful tree! It looked more like it belonged on some African nature documentary than in the middle of a Costa Rican field, but it was beautiful, nonetheless.

So, after a quick lunch on the floor of our deliciously chilly hotel room, we walked down to the hotel lobby to wait for our shuttle that would take us on the tour. After picking up a few more people, our 10 passenger van was filled to the brim and we took off towards the cloud shrouded volcano. At the entrance of the park though, our tour guide and driver, Luis, pulled off to the side and could be seen climbing a tree. We had no idea what was going on until he showed up with this little gem.

Obviously, I was not pleased. Cuz here's the thing, I'm okay with bugs as long as I know they won't touch me. So like on a documentary or something. However, when they're free ranging all up in my business I immediately start imagining how it could fly at my face and how I would freak out and probably kill it or it could kill me. Those are the only two options. Stanley, however, was a bit more brave...

That is, until Luis decided to make the bug move...

...then Stanley lost his cool a little bit. I was lucky enough to take a picture at just the right moment.

So after Luis put the bug back into the tree we headed up to the official observatory platform where we got our first looks of the volcano and the lake, which we promptly decided was where Hogwarts was actually located.

You can almost see the Hogwarts Express coming around that bend...

Necessary tourist photo in front of the shrouded volcano

After a little while there we hiked into the cloud forest - which is the same cloud forest we trekked into when we were at Monteverde, just the opposite side - heading towards a waterfall. Along the way, Luis pointed nature things out like the Citronella plant and sugar cane leaves. Overall, it was a super nice hike and we started talking with our fellow tourists, who were actually 3 couples and 2 other girls. All of us were excited for the falls, mostly because while there we would do impromptu facials with the volcanic and ash rich mud that all the expensive spas were using. And it was just as entertaining as it sounded.

Stanley and I did war-paint, naturally

The waterfall itself was fairly fun, though was a little underwhelming after our original watering hole. We were only there for a little while before hiking back around and playing on some of the hanging bridges. While there, Luis gave us a little history of the area, including how Arenal had been the most active volcano in all of Central America, and, up until 5 months ago, could be seen to be spitting lava almost every day since 1968. It was interesting and wonderful to hear it from a native of the area. After the mini-less though, we continued to hiked back to the observation deck to watch the sun set. It was a little sad as well as the clouds had moved in full force, but the pinkness that peeked out was truly beautiful.

After being fodder for mosquitoes we loaded into the van again to head for our last thing - the hot spring river. However, along the way, Luis had promised to stop and show us some frogs. His favorite frog was this little guy, affectionately known in Costa Rica as the marijuana frog because of its red eyes.

My new best friend

The frog jumped from Stanley's hand into his hair, making him the most photographed person on Facebook.

Stanley told me he'd get me one of these guys for Christmas. However, if he fails, it's up for grabs!

After replacing the frogs we made it to the hot river. It was amazing, the water was only slightly cooler than a hot tub, meaning you could spend more time in it without feeling queasy. Plus, the currents were nice and since it was outside there was a wonderful amount of steam coming off the top. It was a little crowded, but so nice and relaxing. We spent time just sitting in the depths, laying in the current - fighting against it as it tried to pull us downstream - and, my personal favorite, sitting just under the waterfall so it served as a massage. It was the perfect ending to our tour.

So, calm and relaxed, we loaded back in the van to be dropped off back at our hotel. By this point, the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were seeming like a really long time ago. We had already decided the day before where we'd go and Stanley had even decided what he was going to eat - pizza. And let me tell you, it was some good pizza, loaded down with greasy cheddar cheese. I had a cheeseburger and fries and we split, making it one of the most American meals that we'd had. Especially considering we went and bought some ice cream to share afterwards as well. So, there we sat, watching the only English channel on our TV, eating ice cream on one of our beds in the hotel room while the A.C. pumped happiness into our room, exhausted from a day of fun activity and good food. Needless to say, as soon as the ice cream was gone bed came soon after.

The next day was the day we were to head home. We had purchased tickets for the 2:45 bus ride home, but we needed to check out of our hotel by 12. We had thought we might go back to the watering hole that morning before leaving, but our sore bodies told us the amount of body-flopping had taken its toll and decided to just chill at the hotel. It started raining around 9:30, so we just read and laid around before packing everything up.

Right after check out we looked at our bus tickets and it turned out we had somehow - most likely the person purchasing the tickets had heard us incorrectly - bought tickets for the 12:45 bus instead, which suited us fine! After a brief stop at the grocery store to buy some more Tang and a roll from a little panderia, we were getting on the bus. At that moment, Arenal decided to expose itself more than it had the entire trip. Luckily, cameras were readily available and we managed to snap one more picture before the bus pulled away...

Until next weekend!

Toodles!

-Jillian