I want to go home. I don't know why I did this, but I began reading my blogs from last summer or even towards the end of my senior year.
I miss Darcy. I miss Beckah. I miss Jeff and Katelyn and Raage. Mostly though, I miss US. I miss having people to talk to about anything and everything. I miss not having to pause and think "wait, do I have to talk about this or can I just hold it in so I don't embarrass myself?" I miss being able to have deep emotional and philisophical conversations without making an effort. I miss fully trusting the people I'm around.
Two days ago the person I trusted the most was injured in a car crash. She's probably going home now and the little world of comfort and security that I'd built here collapsed in on me. I'm so glad she's going to be alright though. I'm so glad that we were able to be roomates for the time we were and that I got to know her.
We were so lucky back then to have the group we had last summer. It feels like forever ago, but here I'm typing it...last summer. 12 months ago. 1 year. It feels like so much longer. I swear that no matter where or who you are, you've never quite had a group of friends like mine. We haven't been together in one group in one place since Beckah left the end of senior year, but I still love every single one of those people. I mean, obviously we've changed. Raage and I hardly even talk anymore, Jeff's occupied with his girlfriend, Katelyn actually hangs out with us now, Mollie's with a different guy and Darcy's been through a tough year of school. But they're still the people I'd go to if I had an emergency that needed to be taken care of.
So much can change in one year. A lot of people like the song Seasons of Love because they think it's "cool" or something. I like it because it has a killer woman's solo in it (hey, it's the truth) and the meaning of it is so awesome. A year is what you make it. And man, this year has been one wild ride. And if the first 4 weeks are any way to judge, the next 3 months are going to be wild as well.
Already I've experienced so many emotional highs and lows - usually within a few hours of each other. For instance today; I had an emotional breakdown of sorts (it'd been building up for three or four weeks, and the past two days and blew it over the top) and because of that I gave one of the most real performances of my life. Now, granted, I would love to NEVER do that again (I am, usually, a fairly unemotional person. I don't cry in public and until today I think you could count on two hands the number of people who have seen me cry since I hit puberty). I don't know though. Everything happens for a reason.
To coast smoothly thorugh life would be wonderful...but then it wouldn't be life. Life is a roller coaster with turns and twists and spirals that make you so confused and dizzy you don't quite know which way is up. Sometimes you feel like throwing up and sometimes you feel like you're flying.
And wow...I should never be on Facebook late at night. It always gets me philosiphising and making horrible analogies. Plus it eats into my sleep time. Night all.