So. I was realizing today when I read a little something something from one of my friends back home that I'm different up here in Jackson. A lot different. I don't think I've randomly danced once. I haven't laughed so hard I've cried, or gone on a walk or had a deep philisophical conversation. I haven't snuck out of my house once, and I am yet to buy an entire gallon of apple juice or chocolate milk and drink it straight from the container. I haven't really sung obnoxiously loud and off-key to one of my favorite CD's while making up harmonies to the songs. And most importantly, I haven't made a single-baked good to drop off at somebody's house just because I felt like doing it and that they might happen to want a cake.
What does this mean exactly? I don't know. I sure as heck hope it doesn't mean I'm growing up. I've already expressed my feelings on THAT subject. (Ironic sidenote: a lot of people up here think of me as being 20 or 21. Obviously they haven't gotten to know me very well.) What it does mean, though, is that I'm not very comfortable up here. And rightfully so. Theatre people tend to be a rather cynical, judgemental, yet oddly observant group of individuals. Throw in the fact that my normal personality - you know, the one that comes out when I'm "myself" - is rather, um, abrasive, and you might be able to understand why I'm not completely relaxed up here. Tristan's not joking when he says you need pills to handle me. Overexagerating, maybe...
So what kind of a person am I normally? Well, the first paragraph pretty much sums it up. I'm completely random. I love to do sporadic things, and by george, I think I'm hysterical. Of course I realize very few other people do. I'm fascinated by large words and love languages. Any person that can make me think automatically captures my attention. I burst randomly into song and I talk a lot. I'm slightly ADHD, and according to Dallin, become obsessed with things and can't get them out of my head. I de-stress by knitting, reading, and coloring in coloring books. Not the kind with the intricate pictures though. Those stress me out. I like the BIG ones.
Another thing. I'm usually quite an outgoing, possibly even flirtatious person at times. I haven't been flirtatious for about a year or two, so that's not a big change. But what IS a big change is that I'm not half as outgoing. Honestly, for the most part I could care less about meeting new people. Except when I do it, I love it. Usually the people I meet don't, because again, that whole abrasive personality thing comes into play, but hey, almost all of my good friends now either hated me or were scared of me when we first met. Also, if I like someone I don't let them know. I don't give compliments very often.
Which is another thing. I am actually a very mean person. It's come to me by environment, growing up in the family I did. But everything we said was always said with love. And I think that's half the problem up here. I hate saying things about people, or anything really, because I know it'll get back to the person and what I've said will be distorted and skewed to the point that it becomes rude and offensive. So while my life motto of "don't say anything you wouldn't say to that persons face" used to be helpful, it's not anymore. It's almost better to say something to the persons face. At least then it'll be 100% truthful. But saying it to the persons face takes away the funniness and the love that comes from it. So I don't say anything. And yet I still manage to talk...what can I say, I'm talented. :)
I'm quite tired. What else is there to say, aside from things at Playmill keep trudging along. We've been here for 7 weeks already. 10 more to go. If those 10 are any like the past 7, just shoot me now. Or I'll just move into Rafter J. Or into the shed at Blue House. Or back to La Grande. Whichever. Honestly though, college-aged theatre people should never be kept in such a tight area for so long. It's honestly like a cage-fight. I'm surprised no one's been physically injured yet. ...and by that I mean by another person. There have been many, many injuries already, don't get me wrong. The people here are great, we're just all stupid and very human. We all have our own fears, own desires, and our own pasts that we have to rifle through. We bring our own suitcase of issues. Some are big, some are small, some people unfold their laundry in the middle of the room, others hide it and pretend it isn't there. Who's to say which way is right or wrong? It varies from person to person on the right way to do things, what's right for that person.
I still hold that THINGS in life tend to be very simple. People don't. We take in THINGS and interpret them according to the spot we are in our lives. Then those things that used to be so simple become awkward and twisted and molded, and then those things become US, people. People are never simple. Sometimes the reason why do things are simple, or how we do things are simple, but people are never 2 dimensional. As shown by "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare Abridged" there are at least 4 parts necessary in the human mind. I can't remember what they are, but they're there.
AND I'M GOING TO BED! ...Night all.
The evening hangs beneath the moon
A silver thread on darkened doon
With closing eyes and resting head
I know that sleep is comming soon
Upon my pillow, safe in bed
A thousand pictures fill my head
I cannot sleep my minds a flight
And yet my limbs seem made of lead
If there are noises in the night
A frighting shadow, flickering light
Then I surrendor unto sleep
Where clouds of dreams give second sight
What dreams may come both dark and deep
Of flying wings and soaring leap
As I surrender unto sleep
As I surrendor unto sleep
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