Post! Yeah!

Ohmigosh. I'm really bored. Like, really bored. I mean, what is there to do in La Grande on a Friday night? Get drunk? Yeah, sorry, don't do that.

So this kind of mirrors how I'm feeling about La Grande right now. I feel like I'm supposed to be somewhere else. I remember looking out the window in Provo and just feeling happy. There were bright lights everywhere, you could hear people out laughing and playing around.

I guess I'm sort of jealous of that. Always having something to do and someone to do something with. It's not like I don't have friends here. I do. They're just busy a lot of the time..

I mean, I don't really blame them. There are a lot of times when people ask me to do stuff and I can't because I'm busy. You can't just drop your life for friends. I just wish there was a night or two when we could say "Let's all get together on this day and play." Cuz playing is fun. I just don't think I've done it enough recently.

I want to go ice-blocking. And watch crazy movies and make sarcastic comments about them while they're going on. Like "Strictly Ballroom." I wanna make popcorn balls with Jell-O and play overly-loud boardgames and dance around my living room.

I miss Beckah and Darcy being here. I was thinking about our Girls Night sleepover at the end of last year, the night after Baclaureate (sp? meh, I don't care) and I remembered how much fun it was and how much I miss those girls. We're all so different now, but when we get together, things are so much the same. We're a little older and more subduded, but we're still up laughing and talking until five in the morning. Now we just throw Jeff into the mix. :-)

Life is not horrible now, of course. It's actually quite fun. But there are still times when I look out the window and see La Grande and realize how much I want to go and experience more of life. I don't want to be here anymore. It's going to be an interesting (in a good way) experience to leave for this summer.

It's interesting though, while I was babysitting little Jacobson I had all these flashbacks to when I was younger and was so entertained by the tiniest of things. I mean, making piles of dirt, grabbing flowers, playing hide-and-seek, going down slides. Now, if you do that, people look at you like you're stupid.

Which brings me to another question: what's the big deal with being an adult? It seems like that's all I ever hear, grow up. I mean, what does being an adult mean, really? That you pay bills? Are stressed all the time? Have to work constantly? Aren't sporadic and random? Worried about the future to the point that you can't pay attention to the present? I don't want to be an adult right now. For all that's good and holy, I'm only 19! This is my last chance to be stupid and childish. Don't deprive me of that. I can be responsible when I want, and I want to be able to decide when that is. Let me make my own decisions. Let me make my own mistakes. I may ask you how to get out of them, but let me do it on my own. Believe it or not, I can do things on my own now. I'm not a complete idiot. Trust that I've listened and watched and learned.

Anyway, I'm going to go find something to do to entertain mysef tonight.

Toodles!

-Jillian