I've always played at being independant. I'm the stubborn one who has a steady enough head on her shoulders not to take life too seriously, but not to be swept up in the stupidity of it. But really, I've never been independant. There were always people who I leaned on for all my advice. I never made a decision without others more or less making it for me. But now? I've cut myself off from that person. I've had to for the sake of my sanity, as well as theirs, most likely.
I feel like I'm starting off on a path, a journey that's going to take me somewhere important. I can almost see it in my mind. But I'm so scared to go on it. I've taken the first step - my leap of faith. The pathway isn't clear at all and faith has never been my strongest point. I'm so worried now that my crutch is gone. I want it back; I'm afraid to stand on my own. But I have to stay strong. Heavenly Father told me to let Raage go completely. Heavenly Father wants me to be happy and he wants me to live with Him again. If that means I have to go through hell with Christ being my only confidant, than so be it. I have to be strong now; it's time to step up and live my religion, not just watch it from the sidelines.
For Thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for they names sake lead me, and guide me. Psalms 31:3
I hope I can take the leap of faith necessary to do what I need to. It's sad, it took me something said, verbatim, in two separate blessings - which the people giving the blessings didn't know as the one giving the blessing of comfort had never read my patriarchal blessing - for me to finally realize that I needed to change. I just pray that I can do it.
-Jillian
11 comments:
Ok, I realize that this may be hard for you and I don't mean to sound too offensive, but you may be taking Mormonism a little TOO far. Back up, sweetie, and smell the roses. You weren't married to this boy nor were you even seriousy dating him. I understand that relationships and really being into one guy can be hard, but you're going over the top. Take a chill pill and relax. Life, amazingly enough, will freaking go on. Here's another small piece of advice, cut the drama in half, and life won't suck as much. And remember, life effing sucks and then ya die. What else is new and boys will never, ever give you everything you want. It's a fact of life. Don't put your life on hold over some boy. Buck up and be an adult, darlin. You're old enough. Growing up now would be the best idea and joining the real world. High school is over, it's done, finished, grounded, and out. Smilez!!
I wish I could say something brilliant, but it won't come out of me in a word format that is usable. If you need to talk, just call.
-isha
Anger to the anonymous person, not going to lie! It sounds like you were hurt in a relasonship and now you are bitter to the world. I also think that it is cowardly to leave a comment like you did and not state who you are!!! If you are going to offend someone at least state your name so you can feel the blow of the consequences after writing such a harsh and heartless comment! By the way my name is Darcy and I defend people who deserve it and write comments that I will take ownership of! Thank You very much, and please grow a heart!
Darcy
ya know, jeez. Why can't we all be supportive? Gish. Jillian, i have been in a place similar to yours. Not the same, so i can't fully understand, but I do feel your pain. Listen, it's going to suck. SUCK FREAKING A. (wow, that sounds vulgar....) but listen, its so much brighter on the other side. Just push on, we all make mistakes and have to learn from them but that's part of life. You will be so much stronger and wiser when you can look back on this and that is what is important. I love you and am here for you. :)
OK ok ok ok wait. i just realized something. Jillian's blog is not about her heart being broken or how she isn't going to be able to go on, or doesn't know who she is without this person. her blog is about stepping out and readying her heart for a new, and somewhat scarey, path in life. so WHY. WHY did the anonymous person have to get on the defense and list off all this stuff about how she needs to get over it when she CLEARLY has already figured that out. WHY? Listen i don't know who you are. But don't judge my friend's heart. I can't even do that, i know her so well. All i know is she is hurting and is trying to over-come, and just needs some kind words of advice.
Bash the anonymous people! Aghargh! That's my battle cry :D
lol...
Now the anonymous person MUST reveal itself..
-isha
I love friends! They make me happy!
it's true....
HAH! I beat everybody to the punch on that one..
-isha
? What katelyn said was punchable? I could beg to differ.
hahahaha lol...
no, i beat everybody to the punch on saying "it's true"...we tend to say that a lot, and i said it first...i was merely being humorous, or attempting to be so
-isha
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