I am in love with a boy manufactered to destroy...

Another beautiful lyric from Ingrid Michaelson.

I was talking to Stanley yesterday and we were rocking out to Kelly Clarkson (I love me some Kelly!) when the song "Beautiful Disaster" came on. I've always had a very strong affinity to that song. I remember, very distinctly, walking down the senior hallway at LHS, right by Mr. Jones's math classroom, just past the auditorium, singing that song to myself and thinking "This song is about me, that's the kind of person I'm going to be with." I then realized what I thought and quickly corrected my sub-conscious, saying I was going to have a beautiful normal life.

...Right?

I've always felt - though I've never fully known or verbally realized - that I'm not going to have a cookie cutter suburban life. I wasn't going to be swept off my feet by an RM who also happened to be an Eagle Scout, helped old ladies cross the street, was the Elders Quorum President, refused to watch R-rated movies, hadn't kissed any other girls, and had never sworn in his life. I was not going to marry a Peter Priesthood.

I also think there are people in life who are supposed to help everyone around them solve their issues.

I am one of those people.

I've been told multiple times that I'm good to talk to. And I feel I am. I'm good at listening and asking the questions that get to the root of the problem. I am then good at analyzing said problem and finding a solution. And more importantly, I like it. I like helping people and hearing their stories and figured out why they are what they are.

Maybe because of this I've always been drawn to guys who have issues. Now, I know we all have issues. We're human, and being humans raised by two humans in a society of humans is enough to give you issues without throwing in issues of pornography, divorce, abuse, etc. But there are some people who, when I get to hear their issues, see how strong they are despite the obstacles they've had in their lives - it just makes me care about them so deeply. Usually they haven't solved their problems, they're just covering them up, but especially in those cases, their potential is enormous. I think a lot of the time I'm put there to help them solve their problems so they can reach that possible potential.

I suppose that's what I mean when I say I'm attracted to men who are interesting. Once I figure them out, find their ticks and how they work, I become bored because there's nothing I can help them with. There's nothing new and exciting to keep my attention.

That being said, another plague that drives me insane is the people who don't really want their problems solved. They vent constantly about the issues and I offer good and proper advice to help them out, but they don't take it. That's frustrating. I do not find that attractive.

Anyway, here are the lyrics to the song "Beautiful Disaster."

He drowns in his dreams

An exquisite extreme, I know

He's as damned as he seems

And more heaven than a heart could hold

And if I try to svae him

My whole world could cave in

It just ain't right

It just ain't right

Oh and I don't know

I don't know what he's after

But he's so beautiful

Such a beautiful disaster

And if I coul hold on

Through the tears and the laughter

Would it be beautiful?

Or just a beautiful disaster?

He's magic and myth

As strong as what I believe

A tragedy with

more damange than a soul should see

And do I try to change him?

So hard to blame him

Hold on tight

Hold on tight

I'm longing for love and the logical

But he's only happy hysterical

I'm waiting for some kind of miracle

Waited so long

So long...

He's soft to the touch

But frayed at the end he breaks

He's never enough

And still he's more than I can take

Oh, 'cause I don't know

I don't know what he's after

But he's so beautiful

Such a beautiful disaster

And if I could hold on

Through the tears and the laughter

Would it be beautiful?

Or just a beautiful disaster?

He's beautiful...

Such a beautiful disaster...