I now have four cuts on my hands, no family, and no best friend. Wanna trade lives?

So. Ho hum. I don't know what to say exactly. All I want to do right now is sit and talk. And cry. It's hard to explain exactly, and that's the problem. It hits me randomly, in waves.

I miss Raage. A lot. And I hate myself for it. I hate that I'm constantly wondering if he's e-mailed me and how happy I am if he does and how depressed I am when I finally get to a computer and he hasn't. It's frustrating.

I just want school to start. Something to take my mind away from this summer and the mundane monotiny that has become my life. Unfortunately, when you take a large chunk out of the monotinys, life becomes really awkward. And in my case, pretty painful.

Life is dragging on, and I'm getting pulled along with it. All I want to do is complain, to vent about my issues. But who to vent to? There's the problem.

I hate the fact that I'm this selfish. I hate that all I seem to think about is myself, or when I manage to think about others, it has to do with me somehow. Can't I ever be selfless? Can't I ever not focus on my own problems?

Ironic isn't it, that this entire post is talking about me. I suppose that's what blogs are for really, the talk about ones self. Hence why the blog only belongs to one person. I suppose it sort of represents life in a way. You go about your business and sometimes people comment.

Or maybe I just need to stop thinking. Thinking seems to get me into trouble, though not quite as much trouble as feeling seems to get me into.

So what's there to do? Really, nothing. Just keep going, trucking along, trying to make out as best as I can. I don't know.

I've known for a while that I would need to become self-sufficient, and fast. Unforunately, in my rush to do so I find myself pretty much alone. So while I'm self-sufficient physically, emotionally I'm still needy. But when no one's there physically it's a bit harder to have your emotional needs met. Especially when I have pretty high maitenance emotional needs.

Oh well, I guess now is as good a time as ever to start trying. After all, no man is an island, but maybe I can try being a peninsula.

-Jillian