"That beer-drinking hussy." -Sis. McCmoil in Young Women's

Hello! I like Sunday's. It's sort of weird though. Every Sunday I wake up I'm all apathetic and don't want to do anything besides lie around, and I feel all heavy and depressed inside. Then I manage to pull myself together to go to church. And I sit through Sacrament meeting, usually end up feeling a little better. Then there's Sunday School - if I go to it :S - which makes me a bit more chipper, and finally Young Women's. By then I'm usually feeling pretty dang good. Today was slightly different though, due to the fact that I'm slightly sick (I'm still debating who to blame it on, Raage, Beckah, my dad, Ms. Shannon, the list goes on...) and that I was an idiot and stayed up until 6 this morning.

Funny story about that though. I was pretty tired around 12:30, so I got off-line with the full intention of going to bed. Unfortunately, I remembered that I wanted to check Katelyn's blog before I went to bed as well as look at a lunar calendar. So I got back on MSN. I was about to leave again and go to bed when I looked at the "My Trip to Europe" scrapbook page that I had started before I began chatting and realized I wanted to finish it.

Around 4:oo I realized I had scrapbooked most of my trip to London and that...well, it was 4:00 in the morning. I was immediately grateful that I wasn't on the 9:00 church schedule. But I wasn't tired either. So I remembered that I had saved some stuff - maps and the like - from my Europe trip and had them up in my drawer. So I went up there and rooted through my stuff and found my journal from last year. I started reading it and basically re-lived my Junior year. Talk about interesting. And strange. I never realized how boy-crazy I was last year. Anyway, I was reading it and I stumbled on something I wrote during A.P. History that I thought was cool. It goes as follows:

It's weird because we just read "Imagine" by John Lennon and it talked about having no religion and no heaven or hell and saying that's the only way we'll ever live in peace and I had an epiphany. He was talking about social unrest and he was trying to pin his own unrest on something he feels is wrong, but truthfully, if he would just embrace it he would have inner peace. He's having all this turmoil and the only way he can think to be happy is to try and change the world to his thinking. Instead he could more simply change his own thinking while not necessarily depleting his values and find a peace that can't be interrupted by another persons actions or wishes. I can't help but wonder; if we all did imagine a world with no heaven, no hell, no nations, no war, no religion, if he would truly be happy. I don't think he would be. He'd probably still feel a certain emptiness that couldn't be filled. He'd try to blame it on something else more likely. He'd never feel that peace that he sought so much. It's sad really. He could've been happy if he had just stopped looking at what was wrong with the world and and instead paid attention to what was wrong inside of him. He was so busy trying to change the world he forgot to change himself.

I'll admit it seems a lot less profound at 5:30 on a Sunday afternoon as opposed to 5:30 Sunday morning. But the point remains - despite the fact that I couldn't explain myself so you probably didn't understand what I was trying to say anyway - that the fountain of happiness is within yourself. If you rely on other people to make you happy, you'll never reach it. You'll never truly be happy. Now, that's not to say we shouldn't try and make other people happy. Because we should. Because usually making someone else happy can help you be happy. But you can't always rely on people to cater to your emotions and moods. If you feel depressed you need to handle it yourself. If you need someone to talk to about it, talk about it. But realize that no one can make you happy besides yourself.

Anyway, I think I might get off soon and take a nap. Ten to one I'll be up insanely late tonight, because I'll take a nap around six or seven, wake up around nine or ten, then stay up all night...which will make Monday interesting. :-D

Toodles!

-Jillian