Ugh, I'm going to try typing the best I can with my demented finger that I took a chunk out of with a chain link fence...Though it's nothing compared to Daniels leg. Ouchie.
Hold up, phone call.
Okay, back. It was Kayleen for Jessica, asking if they wanted to go running at five. I was like "Five in the morning?!" And she was like "Gol no! Who would ever want that!"
Which brings me to my morning.
I woke up at friggin four thirty to watch a fairly boring sunrise, as it was already really really light when we got up to the hill. And then when the sun finally did rise - blinding us, by the way - it was ten minutes later than when it was supposed to. It was a bit of a let down. I've decided sometime this summer I'm going to just break curfew, drive up there at like, four, and watch it rise then. Or just pull a Bern and climb the mountain and watch it rise from there. Though the whole climbing the mountain isn't really my thing, but I suppose I could do it for the sunrise. I mean, we hiked at Girls camp all the time! OHMIGOSH! That just made me remember, Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy" is playing at the drive-in next weekend! We so need to go! That is if Maegan's not grounded.
But I digress. As usual.
So I crashed at like, five forty-five after reading some of my Artemis Fowl book (which turned out to be AWESOME in case you were wondering) and I had this weird dream but Maegan can tell you all about. Then she called at nine and I was a bit cranky due to my dream. Then I picked up pooh after reading MORE of my book, then ate breakfast, finished the book, complained about the ending - cuz honestly, you have to complain about the endings of all good "series" books - took a shower, cooked my hot dogs, and was on my way...late as usual. But that's okay, cuz no one was there 'cept Bern who had been waiting for like, fifteen minutes.
Apparently, no one told him that we all run on Mormon Standard Time.
The rest of the day was pretty fun. Darcy and Bern were with us for a little while, but then they ditched for silly stuff like homework and chores so it was just Daniel, Cooper, me, and Maegan. And between tennis, wrestling, biting, car/dog washing, checking on Abish, frisbee, trying to teach Cooper to fight *rolls eyes*, and just goofing off we were in the sun for about four straight hours.
Which explains why my arms are bright red from mid upper-arm to my wrist and around my neck. I'm going to look really funny when I wear a shirt with smaller sleeves and a square neckline.
Anyway, so we retired to my house and we were all radiating an insane amount of heat and poor Maegan had to sit on the floor cuz her pants were still wet - the rest of us had changed - and watched Star Wars Episode III. And as much as I hate to say it, it wasn't all that awesome. There were too many indescrepancies (spelling? Who uses that word anyway?!) and it was kind of unrealistic. It was fun to watch and everything, like seriously, the fighting with you'd was the BEST part! I LOVE YODA! But we were talking about it and we decided it was poorly written and definitely poorly directed. Bad writing can usually be fixed by good directing, but I hate to say it, Lucas missed the mark on the past three Star Wars. The oldest are still the best. They're just more realistic and you actually care about the characters and what happens to them. In this one I was like "Kill Padimay (again, spelling?), I don't care. All she does is cry and bite her hand". Granted, there were a few you cared about, but they were few and far between. I was really sad when they killed the Jedi Master's though. That made me unhappy inside. I think I actually started yelling at the T.V. But my favorite part had to be Cooper. "He's Darth Vader?" And all four of us girls - my mom, Jessy, me, and Maegan turn to him and are all "YES!!!!! GOL!!!" because all of us had been trying to explain it to him for the entire movie.
Anyway, I think I'm going to go to bed now so I can wake up at the butt crack of dawn and finish up my homework. I hope you've all enjoyed reading in weirdness and lack of detail my day.
Oh, and Honor the Seniors went off really well. I got to see Mindee and Tricia and Mary and it was really sweet, but I didn't get to talk to them at all really, cuz I was running around playing the hostess/clean-up lady.
Anyway, I'm tired and I have another book to read! Ciao!
-Jillian
Monday, May 30, 2005
Saturday, May 28, 2005
I had an imaginary friend once. I didn't really like her so I killed her.
Okay, I officially hate Macs. No offense Beckah, especially since I'm actually typing this on your computer waiting for the stupid DVD's to burn (I think I may go home, take a nap, come back, and finish then...maybe it'll be finished converting the menu's then *rolls eyes*) but seriously! Here I am, trying to burn the "Honor the Seniors" DVD and type up the program when all of the sudden the stupid window's writer thingy - microsoft word, that's what that retarded thing is called - decides it doesn't like me and freezes up on me. Well, it's not exactly frozen, but it keeps giving me this rainbow swirlie thing and won't let me exit out of it even! Puh! The nerve of it!
And yeah, I just realized I sound really bitter. I'm not though, I'm in quite a good mood actually.
But the point remains I still can't operate word. And it's not like I can just restart the computer or anything. It's taken me over an hour to have the Compy burn half of a menu on the DVD, I'm not going to stop the process now. I'm hoping all of a sudden I'll click on the little button and be like "Holy Moses! It finished all of a sudden without any warning! What a nice surprise!" but I highly doubt that will happen.
There is a plus to this though. Beckah has some awesome Tunes on her comp that I'm rocking out to so I don't fall asleep and get keyboard face. GO TECHNO PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!
Anyway, I'm seriously looking forward to the summer. HUZZAH FOR FREE TIME AND SLEEPING IN AND GOING TO THE DRIVE-IN! Last night was fun. There's something really comforting about having your head on someone's chest - or in my case stomach - and their arm around you and just feeling them breathe. It's so soothing. And I know some of you are thinking "it's only that way if it's a hot guy" but that's wrong. The guy doesn't have to be hot. ;-) joking, but seriously though, it doesn't have to be a guy, it just has to be a person your comfortable with. Honestly, it's the most calming thing. I just laid their curled up in a ball with my blanket over me and I barely even paid attention to the movie. I was too busy fighting off sleep. But it was nice though.
WILL IT EVER BE FINISHED! Good news though, it's halfway through the menu's! BOO-YAH! I knew there was justice in this world
Okay, getting off, cuz the compy's starting to be slow which is not a good sign. Maybe if I close down all other functions the burning will go faster...hm...
-Jillian
And yeah, I just realized I sound really bitter. I'm not though, I'm in quite a good mood actually.
But the point remains I still can't operate word. And it's not like I can just restart the computer or anything. It's taken me over an hour to have the Compy burn half of a menu on the DVD, I'm not going to stop the process now. I'm hoping all of a sudden I'll click on the little button and be like "Holy Moses! It finished all of a sudden without any warning! What a nice surprise!" but I highly doubt that will happen.
There is a plus to this though. Beckah has some awesome Tunes on her comp that I'm rocking out to so I don't fall asleep and get keyboard face. GO TECHNO PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!
Anyway, I'm seriously looking forward to the summer. HUZZAH FOR FREE TIME AND SLEEPING IN AND GOING TO THE DRIVE-IN! Last night was fun. There's something really comforting about having your head on someone's chest - or in my case stomach - and their arm around you and just feeling them breathe. It's so soothing. And I know some of you are thinking "it's only that way if it's a hot guy" but that's wrong. The guy doesn't have to be hot. ;-) joking, but seriously though, it doesn't have to be a guy, it just has to be a person your comfortable with. Honestly, it's the most calming thing. I just laid their curled up in a ball with my blanket over me and I barely even paid attention to the movie. I was too busy fighting off sleep. But it was nice though.
WILL IT EVER BE FINISHED! Good news though, it's halfway through the menu's! BOO-YAH! I knew there was justice in this world
Okay, getting off, cuz the compy's starting to be slow which is not a good sign. Maybe if I close down all other functions the burning will go faster...hm...
-Jillian
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Says Kyle with the mint julep face mask on "I AM THE MASK!"
Big River is finally over! Not that I'm not glad or anything (weird, double-negative...) I'm going to miss it a bit - though watching Tristan's abnormally long toes curl over the platform isn't going to be one of the things I miss (Lauren, that was just for you (-;), but it will be nice to have some free time again.
OH! I think Raage did well at State! Cuz when me and Bern drove by the high school after lunch today his car had a bunch of "congratulations!" banners on them, so I'm hoping he took first in one of his events.
And I'm sitting here typing with Mint Julep mask on my face. Hold on, going to wash it off.
*washing*
okay, so I didn't just wash, I got totally ready for bed.
You know, life is really weird. Actually, to be more specific, people are. And I'm going all analytical again, but seriously. I find it fascinating how everyone is totally different but we all have traits that are the same. I am yet to meet one person who is ABSOLUTLY different from me. Everyone has at least one quirk that's like mine. Likewise no one is exactly like me. Which is a really good thing because as Bern says "One Jillian is enough". But if you actually think about it, it makes relationships really interesting. Well, not interesting like "interesting things happening" but interesting as in "it's interesting how relationships come together." And I know I'm making no sense but this honestly fascinates me. Humans and their reactions and actions to other's amaze me. You could get two people who watch one person do something and those two people could come away with different opinions of what that person really did. Interpratation is so important in communication. So many things go into how people interpret things, like background, upbringing, personalities, past experiances, and a bunch of other things. It's amazing we can function together at all.
Another thing about life that's intersting is this. We're all going through the same thing now, whether we'll admit it or not. I don't know if it happened like a domino effect, like one person started the process and told someone else about it who was like "yeah, that makes sense" so it happened to that person next and the process started again. I personally don't think it happened that way, I think it was more something that came about with the whole "maturing into adults" thing.
But they don't teach you THIS about growing up in Health Class.
We're all searching for something or someone. We're feeling unfulfilled in our normal High School relationships. And we also feel guilty that we feel unfulfilled, but we shouldn't, because we're all unfulfilled together. We want more mature friendships and to just be content with being ourselves. But at the same time our whole emotional spectrum is changing as we grow. I've already explained this horribly to Maegan and I doubt it'll make any sense over the net so I won't try. I'll just say that as we're getting older we're feeling more emotions more intensly than we did before. That's where the whole "I should be happy right now but I'm not" and the "why am I feel 25 different emotions at once?" thing comes in. Think of it as emotional puberty.
Now granted, this is just my thesis on things. I really want to hear other's opinions on it and not just comments like "you overanalyze too much" because I know I do, it helps me pass the time and figure some things out in the process. I really do want to hear what you guys think about this. Maybe I should be a psychiatrist when I grow up or something. Or a socialogist because people fascinate me.
But what I really want to be - and I just figured this out like, two days ago - is a religions archiologist or something like that. Like, for my dream job, if I could be anything in the whole wide world? I'd so be that. To go visit places of religious significance and read dead sea scrolls and things like that. Ohmigosh, I melt just thinking about it. It combines my two favorite things in the whole wide world - religion and history. Well, not my TWO favorite things. Two of my favorite things. You have to have music and theatre in there too. But I know that there's no way I could ever do that. I would have to travel too much and I'm not even sure a job like that exists. But oh, if it did I'd be like "SIGN ME UP, BABY!"
Anyway I should probably be getting to bed. I'm waking up in less than six hours!
-Jillian
p.s. dude, I so bought a coloring book today and it was soooo awesome to be able to color in it! Simple mind, simple pleasures! It's a monster coloring book with really simple big pictures. And a few connect the dots and stuff like that of course. But I've decided when I move out and I'm going to be too broke to buy art I'll just buy a coloring book, color some pictures, and hang them up all over my walls. How cool would that be?
Quote for the day: (in honor of Big River coming to a close)
Did the moring come to early?
Was the night not long enough?
Does a tear of hestitation fall on everything we touch?
People reach new understandings all the time
They take a second look, maybe change their minds
People reach new understanding's every day
Tell me not to reach, and I'll go away
Well it might just be a lesson
for the hasty heart to know
Maybe leaving's not the only way to go
OH! I think Raage did well at State! Cuz when me and Bern drove by the high school after lunch today his car had a bunch of "congratulations!" banners on them, so I'm hoping he took first in one of his events.
And I'm sitting here typing with Mint Julep mask on my face. Hold on, going to wash it off.
*washing*
okay, so I didn't just wash, I got totally ready for bed.
You know, life is really weird. Actually, to be more specific, people are. And I'm going all analytical again, but seriously. I find it fascinating how everyone is totally different but we all have traits that are the same. I am yet to meet one person who is ABSOLUTLY different from me. Everyone has at least one quirk that's like mine. Likewise no one is exactly like me. Which is a really good thing because as Bern says "One Jillian is enough". But if you actually think about it, it makes relationships really interesting. Well, not interesting like "interesting things happening" but interesting as in "it's interesting how relationships come together." And I know I'm making no sense but this honestly fascinates me. Humans and their reactions and actions to other's amaze me. You could get two people who watch one person do something and those two people could come away with different opinions of what that person really did. Interpratation is so important in communication. So many things go into how people interpret things, like background, upbringing, personalities, past experiances, and a bunch of other things. It's amazing we can function together at all.
Another thing about life that's intersting is this. We're all going through the same thing now, whether we'll admit it or not. I don't know if it happened like a domino effect, like one person started the process and told someone else about it who was like "yeah, that makes sense" so it happened to that person next and the process started again. I personally don't think it happened that way, I think it was more something that came about with the whole "maturing into adults" thing.
But they don't teach you THIS about growing up in Health Class.
We're all searching for something or someone. We're feeling unfulfilled in our normal High School relationships. And we also feel guilty that we feel unfulfilled, but we shouldn't, because we're all unfulfilled together. We want more mature friendships and to just be content with being ourselves. But at the same time our whole emotional spectrum is changing as we grow. I've already explained this horribly to Maegan and I doubt it'll make any sense over the net so I won't try. I'll just say that as we're getting older we're feeling more emotions more intensly than we did before. That's where the whole "I should be happy right now but I'm not" and the "why am I feel 25 different emotions at once?" thing comes in. Think of it as emotional puberty.
Now granted, this is just my thesis on things. I really want to hear other's opinions on it and not just comments like "you overanalyze too much" because I know I do, it helps me pass the time and figure some things out in the process. I really do want to hear what you guys think about this. Maybe I should be a psychiatrist when I grow up or something. Or a socialogist because people fascinate me.
But what I really want to be - and I just figured this out like, two days ago - is a religions archiologist or something like that. Like, for my dream job, if I could be anything in the whole wide world? I'd so be that. To go visit places of religious significance and read dead sea scrolls and things like that. Ohmigosh, I melt just thinking about it. It combines my two favorite things in the whole wide world - religion and history. Well, not my TWO favorite things. Two of my favorite things. You have to have music and theatre in there too. But I know that there's no way I could ever do that. I would have to travel too much and I'm not even sure a job like that exists. But oh, if it did I'd be like "SIGN ME UP, BABY!"
Anyway I should probably be getting to bed. I'm waking up in less than six hours!
-Jillian
p.s. dude, I so bought a coloring book today and it was soooo awesome to be able to color in it! Simple mind, simple pleasures! It's a monster coloring book with really simple big pictures. And a few connect the dots and stuff like that of course. But I've decided when I move out and I'm going to be too broke to buy art I'll just buy a coloring book, color some pictures, and hang them up all over my walls. How cool would that be?
Quote for the day: (in honor of Big River coming to a close)
Did the moring come to early?
Was the night not long enough?
Does a tear of hestitation fall on everything we touch?
People reach new understandings all the time
They take a second look, maybe change their minds
People reach new understanding's every day
Tell me not to reach, and I'll go away
Well it might just be a lesson
for the hasty heart to know
Maybe leaving's not the only way to go
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Nothing like when an actor goes "whoops, wrong sock. 0h well"
Heh, I bet none of you realized that O in the Oh well is really a zero. Anyway, we had the adjudication tonight and it barely got out like, a half hour ago. A bunch of people went to Denny's but I decided not to, even though it would be totally awesome to have made fun of Tristan around Coleen. And Erin wouldn't have been there which makes everything TONS better. Gol that girl ticks me off! I swear her goal in life is to try and belittle me. I actually told her that I wasn't going to rise to her bait anymore, but I kind of did tonight. The adjudicator made a joke about how he wanted to make the response short because he knew most of the cast really wanted to be out drinking (theatre humor, gotta love it) and Erin laughed really loudly and I was all "well, we all know Erin wants to at least" and the people around me that heard it just snickered because it's so true. I swear, that girl is the biggest lush I've ever seen.
Anyway, on a happier note, the play went pretty well tonight. We messed up quite a few times (and by we, I don't mean me, I have the simpliest job...push play, push up faders...wait...pull down faders, pause button, cue up next sound, wait some fifty odd pages, and viola, that's my night) like the platforms and stuff. And I really want lasagna. Or hot cocoa. But the audience was great. We got another Ovie at least.
Does anyone know when the "track stars" are getting back? Cuz if we're going to do up Raage's car it might be a smart idea to do it BEFORE he returns victouriously. I'm only assuming it'll be victouriously, and I certainly hope it is. Gol dang it! I have stupid Big River songs stuck in my head. I wonder why *rolls eyes*. And jeesh my hands are freezing!
I hope you don't have mono Maegan, cuz if you did guess who else would have it?
So I saw Mekala Clapp at the show today. Brought back some memories that I didn't really want to remember, but it was good I did because it helped me realize what caused me to get into the self-defeating complex I had for the first part of this year...well, actually, I was in it up until like, two weeks ago. It's so weird when you look back on all the things that have happened and you realize how you generally got where you are. Or were as my case was.
But dude, Katelyn agreed that Tristan was hot. Mollie made the comment/inside joke "yummy with a spoon!" Course then I had to go and explain about his swimmer body (a.k.a. boy body...like Steven's...heh heh heh...but hey dude, thanks for holding my keys, without you we wouldn't have gotten to the show before it started!) and that turned them off a little.
Ohmigosh, you know what I realized? We managed to get through Lux Arumque without out doing the "POOOH-rah" thing. Yes, we have self-discipline!
It's going to be so weird in choir next year without Devin and Crystal. OHMIGOSH! If I'm having issues now with only Kyle in college how am I going to be next year? This is going to be really trippy. The college students - the freshman at least - are only like, 2 years older than me. It really throws a wrench in my usual "college/Wheeler child" relationship.
Alright, I'm going to drink some hot cocoa and go to sleep, cuz my fingers are FREEZING!
-Jillian
Quotes for the day:
"Pain is a testament of Human Love."
"Much as he'd done to me I couldn't feel any hardness against him. Human beings can be so cruel to each other sometimes."
Anyway, on a happier note, the play went pretty well tonight. We messed up quite a few times (and by we, I don't mean me, I have the simpliest job...push play, push up faders...wait...pull down faders, pause button, cue up next sound, wait some fifty odd pages, and viola, that's my night) like the platforms and stuff. And I really want lasagna. Or hot cocoa. But the audience was great. We got another Ovie at least.
Does anyone know when the "track stars" are getting back? Cuz if we're going to do up Raage's car it might be a smart idea to do it BEFORE he returns victouriously. I'm only assuming it'll be victouriously, and I certainly hope it is. Gol dang it! I have stupid Big River songs stuck in my head. I wonder why *rolls eyes*. And jeesh my hands are freezing!
I hope you don't have mono Maegan, cuz if you did guess who else would have it?
So I saw Mekala Clapp at the show today. Brought back some memories that I didn't really want to remember, but it was good I did because it helped me realize what caused me to get into the self-defeating complex I had for the first part of this year...well, actually, I was in it up until like, two weeks ago. It's so weird when you look back on all the things that have happened and you realize how you generally got where you are. Or were as my case was.
But dude, Katelyn agreed that Tristan was hot. Mollie made the comment/inside joke "yummy with a spoon!" Course then I had to go and explain about his swimmer body (a.k.a. boy body...like Steven's...heh heh heh...but hey dude, thanks for holding my keys, without you we wouldn't have gotten to the show before it started!) and that turned them off a little.
Ohmigosh, you know what I realized? We managed to get through Lux Arumque without out doing the "POOOH-rah" thing. Yes, we have self-discipline!
It's going to be so weird in choir next year without Devin and Crystal. OHMIGOSH! If I'm having issues now with only Kyle in college how am I going to be next year? This is going to be really trippy. The college students - the freshman at least - are only like, 2 years older than me. It really throws a wrench in my usual "college/Wheeler child" relationship.
Alright, I'm going to drink some hot cocoa and go to sleep, cuz my fingers are FREEZING!
-Jillian
Quotes for the day:
"Pain is a testament of Human Love."
"Much as he'd done to me I couldn't feel any hardness against him. Human beings can be so cruel to each other sometimes."
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
It's like when a person compares a blue ball to a watermelon cut in the shape of a catfish...
Gah today was good. Except now I'm dead tired. Nothing quite takes the energy out of you than a good highlighter fight. It seriously took me five minutes of scrubbing to get all the marker off so people wouldn't think I had jondis tonight at the AVE concert - which went fairly well by the way.
But yeah, as most of you know Sam Stevens totally smacked me into a wall. I have to admit it was impressive how he did it. He just linked his arm around mine while I was running and let my own momentum take me.
Seriously though, I love things like marker fights. I love doing things that involve running and getting dirty and wrestling and being loud and other stuff like that. There's nothing quite like it. I think my ideal of "Fun" would have to be having a fight like that and then without any reason, any person saying "okay, now we be serious" you just sit there and have a deep conversation about...well, anything really. I mean, it's like with some of my friends, we'll be sitting there doing nothing, then something will happen where we start royally goofing off and being "immature" and eventually we'll tire out and just sink into a couch and talk about life and religion and other stuff like that. We might continue wrestling a little while we do it but still, there's just a feeling of comfortableness and ease when you talk about serious subjects with people you just goofed off with.
I think you have to achieve a balance in life. If you have too much fun you'll never learn or grow to your potential as a human being. But if you don't have any fun? If you never just yell and act immature and run around or throw yourself on the floor for no reason your life is going to be...well...bland. While I love having funny conversations with my friends and making them laugh and telling stories about each other and making memories that way I honestly can say some of the best memories of this year are going to be the things like pranking and marker fights and dog piles. But at the same time I'll remember the serious talks I've had with certain friends too.
See, it's a balance thing.
-Jillian
But yeah, as most of you know Sam Stevens totally smacked me into a wall. I have to admit it was impressive how he did it. He just linked his arm around mine while I was running and let my own momentum take me.
Seriously though, I love things like marker fights. I love doing things that involve running and getting dirty and wrestling and being loud and other stuff like that. There's nothing quite like it. I think my ideal of "Fun" would have to be having a fight like that and then without any reason, any person saying "okay, now we be serious" you just sit there and have a deep conversation about...well, anything really. I mean, it's like with some of my friends, we'll be sitting there doing nothing, then something will happen where we start royally goofing off and being "immature" and eventually we'll tire out and just sink into a couch and talk about life and religion and other stuff like that. We might continue wrestling a little while we do it but still, there's just a feeling of comfortableness and ease when you talk about serious subjects with people you just goofed off with.
I think you have to achieve a balance in life. If you have too much fun you'll never learn or grow to your potential as a human being. But if you don't have any fun? If you never just yell and act immature and run around or throw yourself on the floor for no reason your life is going to be...well...bland. While I love having funny conversations with my friends and making them laugh and telling stories about each other and making memories that way I honestly can say some of the best memories of this year are going to be the things like pranking and marker fights and dog piles. But at the same time I'll remember the serious talks I've had with certain friends too.
See, it's a balance thing.
-Jillian
Monday, May 16, 2005
"...Darcy...his butt's invading my bubble..."
ho hum! I'm sitting in the retarded sewing chair right now because my mom needs the computer chair to sew the costumes on.
Anyway, today was relativly awesome. Lunch was sweet. Beckah and I got into a highlighter fight which I have battle scars from. Well, not really scars, just bright yellow marks all over. *singing* all over! all over! all over! *end singing*. And yes, I did just come from an Advanced Vocal rehersal. Dang we're a scary bunch. Honestly nothing can quite describe all the "relationships" in Advanced. YAY! NEW MARZIPAN ANSWERING MACHINE ON HOMESTAR! Um...sorry for the random outburst. OH! Good job Raage! Even though you will be leaving me all alone in Health so I'll be forced to insult myself those days, that's so cool you're going to State! RUN HARD SWEETIE! baha...goatface..."i'm just calling you up to see if you want to join the goatface club, because you're face really looks like a goat...um...marzipan, this is strongbad, and you're ugly." And yes I did just type miscorelated peices of the answering machine message.
What was I talking about? I don't even remember. Anyway, today was a cool day and I feel happy. :)
Ooh...I wanna bake something. Or just eat chocolate. That works too. But yeah, I just came back from an Advanced rehersal. I'm quite surprised to say that no one has died yet in that class, though there are still two weeks left, so maybe I've spoken too soon. Though Darcy was pretty close to opening a can of "Darcy Rage" today. I would have laughed to have seen it and I highly doubt anyone would have stopped the ensuing violence.
Today's such a gorgeous day. I think I'm going to go play outside in puddles...or work on my math. :( baaaaah...that just ruined all the happy thoughts
-Jillian
Anyway, today was relativly awesome. Lunch was sweet. Beckah and I got into a highlighter fight which I have battle scars from. Well, not really scars, just bright yellow marks all over. *singing* all over! all over! all over! *end singing*. And yes, I did just come from an Advanced Vocal rehersal. Dang we're a scary bunch. Honestly nothing can quite describe all the "relationships" in Advanced. YAY! NEW MARZIPAN ANSWERING MACHINE ON HOMESTAR! Um...sorry for the random outburst. OH! Good job Raage! Even though you will be leaving me all alone in Health so I'll be forced to insult myself those days, that's so cool you're going to State! RUN HARD SWEETIE! baha...goatface..."i'm just calling you up to see if you want to join the goatface club, because you're face really looks like a goat...um...marzipan, this is strongbad, and you're ugly." And yes I did just type miscorelated peices of the answering machine message.
What was I talking about? I don't even remember. Anyway, today was a cool day and I feel happy. :)
Ooh...I wanna bake something. Or just eat chocolate. That works too. But yeah, I just came back from an Advanced rehersal. I'm quite surprised to say that no one has died yet in that class, though there are still two weeks left, so maybe I've spoken too soon. Though Darcy was pretty close to opening a can of "Darcy Rage" today. I would have laughed to have seen it and I highly doubt anyone would have stopped the ensuing violence.
Today's such a gorgeous day. I think I'm going to go play outside in puddles...or work on my math. :( baaaaah...that just ruined all the happy thoughts
-Jillian
Thursday, May 12, 2005
But Carl, Lake Monsters are part of the beauty of life!
Okay, so I just had the coolest experiance tonight. It's amazing how the simple things can just uplift you and make you super duper happy!
Anyhoo - as my wonderful super missionary sister Jennifer would say - I've come to the realization that some book characters are quite sexy. I mean, seriously. I was sitting up in the booth watching "Big River" tonight and I couldn't help but be like "dude, if Huck were real, I'd so be all over that guy". And I mean that in a purely not-disgusting way. Just that I would be really into getting to know the guy and ten to one I'd have a crush on him. That is if he was blonde and sang Tenor. Or maybe my whole attraction to Huck right now is because it's Tristan playing the part. I mean honestly, any girl that's seen Tristan - not to mention heard him sing *swoon* - has to agree he's fairly high up on the hott scale. And surprsingly he's not a jerk. In fact he's a lot of fun to hang around. Like today poor Shannon was trying to tell him about his make-up and she mentioned his hair and I started going off about how I just wanted to get a curling iron and some hot rollers and maybe a bottle of hairspray and go at it, and it was super funny because he was trying to pay attention to Shannon but I could tell he wasn't because he kept looking at me and smiling and trying not to laugh or make some comment about how he'd probably look like an 80's punk rocker. Except without the spandex. I'm not sure that I'd like to see Tristan in spandex, as much as I love that boy.
But I digress.
What I mean to be saying is, there are some book characters that are just plain awesome. At least as far as guys go. You'll finish reading a book or a paragraph or something and you'll just be like "dang...if only that guy were real." Course most book characters out of their setting would look kind of silly. Could you imagine Prince Char from Ella Enchanted wondering around La Grande wearing tights and those pumpkin pants? Heh...heh heh heh. But seriously though, it's the same thing with cartoon characters! And no, I'm not totallly loony, Rebekah know's what I'm talking about! There are some cartoon character's that just have it - namely Dimitri and Robin Hood - and there are some that don't - such as Vladamir and Little John, their respective side-kicks. Which poses another question. Why do the host cartoon characters have fat usually hair guys as their best friends/partner in fighting/committing crime?
Meh, who really cares anyway.
Anyway, GOOD NEWS! I am fever free for the first time in 24 hours! YAY!
I'm going to go to bed and have sweet dreams that will probably turn into something weird - like Robin Hood and Tristan dancing on a raft that's balancing on a big fat hairy guy.
-Jillian
Anyhoo - as my wonderful super missionary sister Jennifer would say - I've come to the realization that some book characters are quite sexy. I mean, seriously. I was sitting up in the booth watching "Big River" tonight and I couldn't help but be like "dude, if Huck were real, I'd so be all over that guy". And I mean that in a purely not-disgusting way. Just that I would be really into getting to know the guy and ten to one I'd have a crush on him. That is if he was blonde and sang Tenor. Or maybe my whole attraction to Huck right now is because it's Tristan playing the part. I mean honestly, any girl that's seen Tristan - not to mention heard him sing *swoon* - has to agree he's fairly high up on the hott scale. And surprsingly he's not a jerk. In fact he's a lot of fun to hang around. Like today poor Shannon was trying to tell him about his make-up and she mentioned his hair and I started going off about how I just wanted to get a curling iron and some hot rollers and maybe a bottle of hairspray and go at it, and it was super funny because he was trying to pay attention to Shannon but I could tell he wasn't because he kept looking at me and smiling and trying not to laugh or make some comment about how he'd probably look like an 80's punk rocker. Except without the spandex. I'm not sure that I'd like to see Tristan in spandex, as much as I love that boy.
But I digress.
What I mean to be saying is, there are some book characters that are just plain awesome. At least as far as guys go. You'll finish reading a book or a paragraph or something and you'll just be like "dang...if only that guy were real." Course most book characters out of their setting would look kind of silly. Could you imagine Prince Char from Ella Enchanted wondering around La Grande wearing tights and those pumpkin pants? Heh...heh heh heh. But seriously though, it's the same thing with cartoon characters! And no, I'm not totallly loony, Rebekah know's what I'm talking about! There are some cartoon character's that just have it - namely Dimitri and Robin Hood - and there are some that don't - such as Vladamir and Little John, their respective side-kicks. Which poses another question. Why do the host cartoon characters have fat usually hair guys as their best friends/partner in fighting/committing crime?
Meh, who really cares anyway.
Anyway, GOOD NEWS! I am fever free for the first time in 24 hours! YAY!
I'm going to go to bed and have sweet dreams that will probably turn into something weird - like Robin Hood and Tristan dancing on a raft that's balancing on a big fat hairy guy.
-Jillian
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Floating...free-falling, watching from above
My body aches, my heads hurting, I'm freezing cold, my eyes are sore, and my mom says I'm running a fever and that my eyes are glossed over. And it actually kind of hurts to type because my arm/wrist hurts so much.
So right now I'm looking outside my window watching the top of our swing flap in the wind. The trees are swaying violently and deep down I hope there's a fierce storm coming. Not one of those wussie ones that brings some heavy rain and a little wind, but one of those huge ones where the whole house seems to be shaking by the large clap of thunder and the electricity goes out. Then you can drive around town and look at what it's like when it's pitch black, till you jump out of the car and splash in the puddles. Then you turn your face up to the downpour and feel as the large drops hit your face like needles. It feels sharp and relaxing all at once. And finally, it's then you know that you're alive, that you're not some insignificant speck. Somehow, when you feel like you're the only person on earth and you shut everything out you feel all important, like this rain storm was just for you. You feel at one with the world around you, like everything's the way it's supposed to be. In those precious moments where it's just you and the rain life is simple. You don't have to worry about other people or anything at all. Just the cool water as it drips off your face. It seems to wash all the worries and care with it leaving you refreshed and open. Like you're a little kid again.
I need something like that right now. I need to know someone actually cares. That someone actually wonders how I'm doing and would gladly give up their time to talk with me. I'm just tired of not knowing who is faking it and who is being honest. I'm tired of feeling like I can't trust certain people. I'm tired of pushing people away because I'm uncertain about them and feel like I can't trust them. I'm tired of wanting to scream but feeling like I can't because everyone's looking at me, waiting for me to do my next stupid mess-up. I'm tired of people who judge me and people who are supposed to be my friends talking about me behind my back. I'm tired of always having to perform, to try and make people happy and that they look at me like I'm a failure when I don't. I'm tired of being afraid of what people are thinking about me. I'm tired of getting weird looks whenever I feel sad or whenever I feel so happy that I want to jump and scream and dance.
Why can't I just sit down for once without everyone thinking I'm mad at them or being offended? Am I forever going to be doomed to be the topic of gossip and back-biting? Why can't people just talk to me about a problem instead of spreading rumors about how evil I am? Can't people see that life would be easier and so less people would be hurt if we just did that?
But mostly I'm tired of people who think they're better than others and people who can't make up their minds if they like someone or not. If you don't, why can't you just act like you don't like them instead of putting on a show and lying to everyone? You're just hurting people and I don't think anyone actually wants to do that.
I should probably take my own advice on that one. Except in my case it's me I'm hurting. I'm just so afraid to be nice to people, to let them know I actually care. It seems whenever that happens I end up hurt. I hate that. I don't want to be hurt. I'd almost rather hurt myself by pushing someone away that MIGHT have been a friend than begin to care for that person a lot only to find out they're using me and the whole thing is an act. But why do people have to be so stupid to fake liking someone in the first place to advance themselves? Can't you see how cruel and selfish that is? Why can't anyone see that besides me?
-Jillian
So right now I'm looking outside my window watching the top of our swing flap in the wind. The trees are swaying violently and deep down I hope there's a fierce storm coming. Not one of those wussie ones that brings some heavy rain and a little wind, but one of those huge ones where the whole house seems to be shaking by the large clap of thunder and the electricity goes out. Then you can drive around town and look at what it's like when it's pitch black, till you jump out of the car and splash in the puddles. Then you turn your face up to the downpour and feel as the large drops hit your face like needles. It feels sharp and relaxing all at once. And finally, it's then you know that you're alive, that you're not some insignificant speck. Somehow, when you feel like you're the only person on earth and you shut everything out you feel all important, like this rain storm was just for you. You feel at one with the world around you, like everything's the way it's supposed to be. In those precious moments where it's just you and the rain life is simple. You don't have to worry about other people or anything at all. Just the cool water as it drips off your face. It seems to wash all the worries and care with it leaving you refreshed and open. Like you're a little kid again.
I need something like that right now. I need to know someone actually cares. That someone actually wonders how I'm doing and would gladly give up their time to talk with me. I'm just tired of not knowing who is faking it and who is being honest. I'm tired of feeling like I can't trust certain people. I'm tired of pushing people away because I'm uncertain about them and feel like I can't trust them. I'm tired of wanting to scream but feeling like I can't because everyone's looking at me, waiting for me to do my next stupid mess-up. I'm tired of people who judge me and people who are supposed to be my friends talking about me behind my back. I'm tired of always having to perform, to try and make people happy and that they look at me like I'm a failure when I don't. I'm tired of being afraid of what people are thinking about me. I'm tired of getting weird looks whenever I feel sad or whenever I feel so happy that I want to jump and scream and dance.
Why can't I just sit down for once without everyone thinking I'm mad at them or being offended? Am I forever going to be doomed to be the topic of gossip and back-biting? Why can't people just talk to me about a problem instead of spreading rumors about how evil I am? Can't people see that life would be easier and so less people would be hurt if we just did that?
But mostly I'm tired of people who think they're better than others and people who can't make up their minds if they like someone or not. If you don't, why can't you just act like you don't like them instead of putting on a show and lying to everyone? You're just hurting people and I don't think anyone actually wants to do that.
I should probably take my own advice on that one. Except in my case it's me I'm hurting. I'm just so afraid to be nice to people, to let them know I actually care. It seems whenever that happens I end up hurt. I hate that. I don't want to be hurt. I'd almost rather hurt myself by pushing someone away that MIGHT have been a friend than begin to care for that person a lot only to find out they're using me and the whole thing is an act. But why do people have to be so stupid to fake liking someone in the first place to advance themselves? Can't you see how cruel and selfish that is? Why can't anyone see that besides me?
-Jillian
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
A simple whisper from your voice, and I fade away!
Gol...my whole world was just tipped upside down with one little bit of "choir gossip" which I normally wouldn't believe or really listen to, but this one...ugh...I feel like...I don't know. Like sitting at a computer screen while hundreds of words and sentances and emotions run through my mind and just barely stop before my fingers can type them. Things are really never as they seem. Just when things seemed to be happening to make things better - now granted, they were making things more confusing but they were a better confusing, almost balancing precariously on the edge of plunging into utter happiness or more turmoil - I just had to talk to Katelyn. She said something that just...blew everything sky high in a matter of speaking. I know she definitly didn't mean to and I highly doubts she even knows what I'm talking about. But now I'm second-guessing myself and others actions towards me. I would ask "why do I always analyze myself and what people do when they're around me and how they act?" but I know the answer. Because I'm so set on not getting hurt again. It's happened to me so many times and I just don't want it to go through it and put my friends through it. Which is stupid, because I know it's going to happen, no matter how hard I try. It' s a part of life. If someone came to talk to me about this situation that I'm in I would tell them that getting hurt was inevitable, even if you ran from it, but happiness comes only when you take chances and let things happen to you. And while I know that and know that I should follow my own advice...
I just don't want to get hurt again. Is that so horrible?
-Jillian
I just don't want to get hurt again. Is that so horrible?
-Jillian
Monday, May 09, 2005
"Trash is what people is who treat their friends like trash Huck, and you's is trash"
So, about what's going on with me. Who ever really knows? Anyway, I just got back from "Big River" rehersal that I went to tonight because I'm apparently running sound board for it (whoopie...sarcasm there folks) and I'm dead tired. I could write so many things on here right now but as always I'm afraid how people will take them. That seems to be how life is lately. I would do things but I'm uncomfortable around certain people so I don't do things I usually would or I won't say things I usually would either, instead I sort of run with the crowd and end up giving people the wrong impression of how I really act.
Ew, speaking of wrong impression, I nearly threw up today watching Erin and Kyle. Can I say vomitous? It's so weird, any respect I had for that guy is almost now gone. I never really respected Erin that much to begin with so it's not that big of a deal with her, but I really truly cared about Kyle, and I still do, I just don't respect him now. And he makes me slighly nauseous so that may cause some weird changes in our friendship.
I just don't get guys. Sometimes guys are easier to understand and get than girls (okay, most of the time) but when it comes to relationships I don't get them at all. Do you go with their actions or their looks when it comes to interpreting how a guy feels? Do you rely on what they say or how they actually act? Or maybe it's none of my business so I'll just pretend to not think about it even though I am.
I know this is a pretty wussie blog that doesn't say a word about choir tour, but I really want to go to bed. I'll just put choir tour this way. I haven't been that sad/happy for a while, neither have I been as uncomfortable/utterly content or as hyper/drained or loving/hating as those past five days. I'll probably elaborate later. But then again maybe I won't and just let you all guess what I'm thinking about. Which will probably be disasterous, but hey, I'm too tired to try and figure out how I can be misinterpreted as I know I probably will be which is always a scary thought. Heh, wow, I really am bitter against the entire human race. But at least I still love dogs. And toaster ovens. And Honey Nut Bunches of Oats. :-D
-Jillian Out
Ew, speaking of wrong impression, I nearly threw up today watching Erin and Kyle. Can I say vomitous? It's so weird, any respect I had for that guy is almost now gone. I never really respected Erin that much to begin with so it's not that big of a deal with her, but I really truly cared about Kyle, and I still do, I just don't respect him now. And he makes me slighly nauseous so that may cause some weird changes in our friendship.
I just don't get guys. Sometimes guys are easier to understand and get than girls (okay, most of the time) but when it comes to relationships I don't get them at all. Do you go with their actions or their looks when it comes to interpreting how a guy feels? Do you rely on what they say or how they actually act? Or maybe it's none of my business so I'll just pretend to not think about it even though I am.
I know this is a pretty wussie blog that doesn't say a word about choir tour, but I really want to go to bed. I'll just put choir tour this way. I haven't been that sad/happy for a while, neither have I been as uncomfortable/utterly content or as hyper/drained or loving/hating as those past five days. I'll probably elaborate later. But then again maybe I won't and just let you all guess what I'm thinking about. Which will probably be disasterous, but hey, I'm too tired to try and figure out how I can be misinterpreted as I know I probably will be which is always a scary thought. Heh, wow, I really am bitter against the entire human race. But at least I still love dogs. And toaster ovens. And Honey Nut Bunches of Oats. :-D
-Jillian Out
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Keep your Cowlick curled!
Dude, Judea is sitting by me and she so just farted. I realize that's a terrible way to start this blog, but SERIOUSLY! It's totally hanious (sp?). Op, just looked it up. It's spelled heinious. Ah, the wonder of spell-checker!
Anyway, it's 12:13 at night right now, at least going by my computer clock. I'm still finishing up packing, waiting for my whites to dry. See, the funny thing about your mom costuming a show and dying things red in your washer is that the red dye doesn't always totally come out. Meaning, when you wash your white clothes a little while later they have the tendency to turn a light shade of pink. And honestly, who wants to go around wearing a light pink, used to be white, wife beater? Not me. Though I probably wouldn't mind too much. At least not at this point in time.
I have to agree with Beckah though (don't know what made me think of this, random brain misfire), guys are so much simplier. Though they tend to be a lot stupider too. Well, not stupid really, just frustrating. Easily manipulated. It's hard to explain.
Up until a few days/hours ago I was just angry at the world and tried to change it, when I finally realized I REALLY DON'T CARE. Well, I do care, about people and stuff, but about what people do and what they do to me (such as using me, trying to manipulate me, lying to me, a.k.a. not too nice of stuff), I don't care much anymore. If they try to manipulate me, good luck there, my older sister could manipulate bark off a tree, and if I can withstand her I'd like to see you try. I'll just laugh at you. If you want to use me, fine, I'm used to it and I'll probably do it gladly just cuz I'm that type of person. Lie to me, meh, that's your problem. And I so just typed meh. Gah, the world is coming to an end! The horror! The anguish! The agony!
Actually, the world coming to an end wouldn't be that bad. Not that I want it to or anything...okay, so I guess I do. Well, want Christ to come again, I guess that could be considered the end of the world. At least the end of the world as WE know it. Which is going to be so awesome. And I just realized my thoughts come out in weird fragments that don't really tie together well. If you're making sense of this at all, good job! You deserve a gold star!
It's really weird because I know I'm tired and I want to go to bed but I can't seem to get myself to do it. I know that if I march up the stairs, wash my face, read scriptures, say my prayers, crawl in bed with my two dogs body-slamming me I'll just be sitting there thinking about stuff.
And dude, Judea just let another one rip. This is seriously nasty! I have to SLEEP with this! Bluah!
I hope something fun and exciting happens on the trip. I need something interesting in my life. Right now it's fairly boring and fairly...um...I want to say depressing but that's not quite the right word...confusing? Dramatic? Intertwined? Multi-leveled? Okay, it's like an onion. There are so many layers of what's going on here I don't think anyone understands just how deep this really goes. And I'm tired of deep things. I'm tired of epiphany's. Though they are quite fun to have. And I'm still going to name my daughter that. And perhaps, just to be cruel, I'll call her Piffy, or Fanny, or Epi. I just want to go into my own world of silly surface friendships where you do care about each other and you know the other person isn't thinking stupid things about you and stuff. That would be sweet.
And yes, I totally jumped from one subject to a different one, and then back again. I think I really need sleep.
ah crap! I THINK MY WASHER'S TRYING TO EXPLODE AND ATTACK ME! RUN AWAY!!!! RUN AWAY!!!
-Jillian out (to try and stop the washer from making the weird thumping noises)
Anyway, it's 12:13 at night right now, at least going by my computer clock. I'm still finishing up packing, waiting for my whites to dry. See, the funny thing about your mom costuming a show and dying things red in your washer is that the red dye doesn't always totally come out. Meaning, when you wash your white clothes a little while later they have the tendency to turn a light shade of pink. And honestly, who wants to go around wearing a light pink, used to be white, wife beater? Not me. Though I probably wouldn't mind too much. At least not at this point in time.
I have to agree with Beckah though (don't know what made me think of this, random brain misfire), guys are so much simplier. Though they tend to be a lot stupider too. Well, not stupid really, just frustrating. Easily manipulated. It's hard to explain.
Up until a few days/hours ago I was just angry at the world and tried to change it, when I finally realized I REALLY DON'T CARE. Well, I do care, about people and stuff, but about what people do and what they do to me (such as using me, trying to manipulate me, lying to me, a.k.a. not too nice of stuff), I don't care much anymore. If they try to manipulate me, good luck there, my older sister could manipulate bark off a tree, and if I can withstand her I'd like to see you try. I'll just laugh at you. If you want to use me, fine, I'm used to it and I'll probably do it gladly just cuz I'm that type of person. Lie to me, meh, that's your problem. And I so just typed meh. Gah, the world is coming to an end! The horror! The anguish! The agony!
Actually, the world coming to an end wouldn't be that bad. Not that I want it to or anything...okay, so I guess I do. Well, want Christ to come again, I guess that could be considered the end of the world. At least the end of the world as WE know it. Which is going to be so awesome. And I just realized my thoughts come out in weird fragments that don't really tie together well. If you're making sense of this at all, good job! You deserve a gold star!
It's really weird because I know I'm tired and I want to go to bed but I can't seem to get myself to do it. I know that if I march up the stairs, wash my face, read scriptures, say my prayers, crawl in bed with my two dogs body-slamming me I'll just be sitting there thinking about stuff.
And dude, Judea just let another one rip. This is seriously nasty! I have to SLEEP with this! Bluah!
I hope something fun and exciting happens on the trip. I need something interesting in my life. Right now it's fairly boring and fairly...um...I want to say depressing but that's not quite the right word...confusing? Dramatic? Intertwined? Multi-leveled? Okay, it's like an onion. There are so many layers of what's going on here I don't think anyone understands just how deep this really goes. And I'm tired of deep things. I'm tired of epiphany's. Though they are quite fun to have. And I'm still going to name my daughter that. And perhaps, just to be cruel, I'll call her Piffy, or Fanny, or Epi. I just want to go into my own world of silly surface friendships where you do care about each other and you know the other person isn't thinking stupid things about you and stuff. That would be sweet.
And yes, I totally jumped from one subject to a different one, and then back again. I think I really need sleep.
ah crap! I THINK MY WASHER'S TRYING TO EXPLODE AND ATTACK ME! RUN AWAY!!!! RUN AWAY!!!
-Jillian out (to try and stop the washer from making the weird thumping noises)
Monday, May 02, 2005
Every kiss really DOES begin with kay!!
Okay, so tonight's been quite fun actually. It was a mix of homework, belting, homework, dancing in the middle of the living room to the Kim Possible theme song, some more homework, listening to Maegan sing along with the Kim Possible theme (really weird, she knew the words without missing a beat), a tad more homework, Bend it Like Beckham, again, more homework, yelling at the television while watching Princess Diaries (HE WON'T BE THERE FOR YOU!! ALL GUYS ARE STUPID! DON'T BELIEVE HER! GIRLS LIKE HER ARE STUPID AND MANIPULATIVE!!!), a smidge more homework, and chocolate frosting. Which I now have on my chest from resting the container there while trying to write on my stupid A.P. review. That I'm almost finished with, by the way. I'm too lazy to finish up the last part but that's aight cuz first period is seriously an A.P. History homework copying session. Between Reed, Megan, Raage, Dane, Me, T.J., Rebecca, and all the preppy girls that are in fourth period, I could get practically any answer I wanted.
But right now I'm freakishly tired and just want to go to bed. But I have to finish watching the end of Bend It Like Beckham, which for some reason always make me want to play soccer. Though it would be quite scary if I actually did. Giving me anything relitively sharp to handle is always a risk, but attach them to my feet? Yeah, that's slightly dangerous. That's why I could never sprint in track either. Ten to one I'd end up wiping out and gouging someone with my cleets. I actually saw that happen one time during a Manchester United game, and dude, it was sweet, the ref's were sweeping the area looking for this guys tooth that was totally knocked out. He was sitting there, bleeding from a huge old gash in his forehead, his lip split open...all I'm saying is that there was a lot of blood involved. I think we got it on tape actually, though Jessy probably recorded over it.
Okay, seriously want to go to bed! But dang, they're not even to the final yet! Pinky's not even married! It's the second engagement party. And Jess is out talking with the half hot, half creepy irish coach outside. And he's trying to hit on her. Heh, guys are so silly.
-Jillian Out
But right now I'm freakishly tired and just want to go to bed. But I have to finish watching the end of Bend It Like Beckham, which for some reason always make me want to play soccer. Though it would be quite scary if I actually did. Giving me anything relitively sharp to handle is always a risk, but attach them to my feet? Yeah, that's slightly dangerous. That's why I could never sprint in track either. Ten to one I'd end up wiping out and gouging someone with my cleets. I actually saw that happen one time during a Manchester United game, and dude, it was sweet, the ref's were sweeping the area looking for this guys tooth that was totally knocked out. He was sitting there, bleeding from a huge old gash in his forehead, his lip split open...all I'm saying is that there was a lot of blood involved. I think we got it on tape actually, though Jessy probably recorded over it.
Okay, seriously want to go to bed! But dang, they're not even to the final yet! Pinky's not even married! It's the second engagement party. And Jess is out talking with the half hot, half creepy irish coach outside. And he's trying to hit on her. Heh, guys are so silly.
-Jillian Out
They're not hippies! They're democrats!
Okay, so right now I should probably be working on my A.P. homework (I only have to do the timelines, oh yeah baby) but Raage's copying my packet so it's not like I can really do anything. And I really don't know what I should be doing right now. I'm in Health 2 and I totally already finished the stupid letter thingy that we were suposed to work on all today so now stuck being bored.
Oh hum...this is fun. Actualy, Early Morning was really fun this morning. It was cool just to be there and spend time with people and make people laugh. I love making people laugh. Unfortunately in order to do so I end up accidentally sacrificing my body to the cause. Hm...I suppose I could be doing what Raage and Dane are doing - napping on the desks.
Anyway, I've decided it's going to be a beautiful day. Not only is it really pretty outside but I have these reasons as well. 1) I'm almost done with my History homework. 2) I'm only at school for two and a half days. 3) I may get to go down to Ontario/Fruitland for Robert's 18th birthday next weekend. and 4) BECAUSE I SAY SO!
Words do not explain my boredness right now. Seriously. I still maintain (gol I must be tired, I forgot how to spell maintain) that only boring people are bored, which means right now I'm very boring. Which is true. If I came and read over my shoulder I'd be like "wow, this girl typing is so boring!" course that would be weird as I would be talking about myself. Course then I'd also realize that I don't really appreciate weird people reading over my shoulder so I probably woudln't do it. But then again I wouldn't have to as it would be me writing so it's not like I'd have to read what I was writing to know what I was thinking, I'd already know, wouldn't I?
Okay, I'm confusing myself now.
-Jillian Out
Oh hum...this is fun. Actualy, Early Morning was really fun this morning. It was cool just to be there and spend time with people and make people laugh. I love making people laugh. Unfortunately in order to do so I end up accidentally sacrificing my body to the cause. Hm...I suppose I could be doing what Raage and Dane are doing - napping on the desks.
Anyway, I've decided it's going to be a beautiful day. Not only is it really pretty outside but I have these reasons as well. 1) I'm almost done with my History homework. 2) I'm only at school for two and a half days. 3) I may get to go down to Ontario/Fruitland for Robert's 18th birthday next weekend. and 4) BECAUSE I SAY SO!
Words do not explain my boredness right now. Seriously. I still maintain (gol I must be tired, I forgot how to spell maintain) that only boring people are bored, which means right now I'm very boring. Which is true. If I came and read over my shoulder I'd be like "wow, this girl typing is so boring!" course that would be weird as I would be talking about myself. Course then I'd also realize that I don't really appreciate weird people reading over my shoulder so I probably woudln't do it. But then again I wouldn't have to as it would be me writing so it's not like I'd have to read what I was writing to know what I was thinking, I'd already know, wouldn't I?
Okay, I'm confusing myself now.
-Jillian Out
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Wondering
Sometimes I think about the way things used to be
Had it all figured out when I was two or three.
Then I made some mistakes that I regret
Let some things in my mind I wish I could forget
But I don’t think I can erase these memories
That’s why I’m down here on my knees.
I’m wondering if you’re listening to me
Just wondering what I’m supposed to be
I’m just wondering if there’s more to life than what I see
I’m wondering, just wondering
Oh lord my God when I in awesome wonder about that man on the cross
And all the pain I put him through
And everything that I still do.
Which drop of blood did I make him shed?
Did I put the thorns on to his head?
I try to do what the Savior said, but I slip all the time on the path he led
I’m wondering if you’re listening to me
Just wondering what I’m supposed to be
I’m just wondering if there’s more to life than what I see
I’m wondering, just wondering
And just when I think these prayers are in vain
I feel this power in my heart that relieves my pain
So please let these words get past your brain
Stop wondering, stop wondering
For I know that our fathers love is real
Open your heart and let it feel
Cuz I’ve never felt this love before
And I’m not wondering anymore
Oh, I’m not wondering, wondering anymore
Wondering, wondering anymore
Not wondering anymore
Had it all figured out when I was two or three.
Then I made some mistakes that I regret
Let some things in my mind I wish I could forget
But I don’t think I can erase these memories
That’s why I’m down here on my knees.
I’m wondering if you’re listening to me
Just wondering what I’m supposed to be
I’m just wondering if there’s more to life than what I see
I’m wondering, just wondering
Oh lord my God when I in awesome wonder about that man on the cross
And all the pain I put him through
And everything that I still do.
Which drop of blood did I make him shed?
Did I put the thorns on to his head?
I try to do what the Savior said, but I slip all the time on the path he led
I’m wondering if you’re listening to me
Just wondering what I’m supposed to be
I’m just wondering if there’s more to life than what I see
I’m wondering, just wondering
And just when I think these prayers are in vain
I feel this power in my heart that relieves my pain
So please let these words get past your brain
Stop wondering, stop wondering
For I know that our fathers love is real
Open your heart and let it feel
Cuz I’ve never felt this love before
And I’m not wondering anymore
Oh, I’m not wondering, wondering anymore
Wondering, wondering anymore
Not wondering anymore
You haven't seen Star Wars? You guys need lives!
I need to stop being so impulsive. I think impulsiveness is possibly one of the biggest problems all of us are having right now. That and total lack of communication. I need to work on that too. So, for now on I'm not going to hold back on my tongue, because that's what caused me so much frustration with certain people and what continues to cause me frustration.
You want to know something ironic? I very rarely get mad, like, seriously mad. Usually when people think I'm mad it's frustration or just hurt. The little tantrum I threw on Thursday was totally out of frustration and confusion. I don't think any of you have ever seen me ACTUALLY mad. Possibly just touches of mad, but not pure unadulterated anger.
Anyhoo, it was so awesome today. I watched the CES fireside on BYU-TV and if any of you have dish and missed it, shame on you! It was so awesome! I won't say I enjoyed it (any of you that watched it know why I won't say that) and the talks were directed basically toward older singles (I told my mom three or four times that if he was directing this talk to sixteen to eighteen year olds he would have said the opposite, that 'hanging out' was the best thing to do and 'dating' should be in moderation.) but it was still really cool. Elder Oaks talked about how we need to find balance in all things and how impulsiveness was spiritually damaging. I remember this one comment he made about one of the Presidents of the Church. He said the President was concerned when they decided to build a temple in Provo because he was afraid the students would attend the temple so often that they would disregard their school work. This took my dad by surprise but I made a comment I had thought about a lot lately. It was "the youth of this world could establish so much good and do so many service projects if we just didn't have to go to school."
Anyway, I'm going to go shower now, and then do my homework, which I am quite depressed that I have to do on Sunday. But what we did last night was worth it. Seriously, as Maegan said, It's something we're going to remember forever. Or at least until I get really old and totally lose my mind.
Okay, time for congratulations (and good luck, Annalicia!). Good Job Raage, as long as no Canooks beat you, it's all good. Nice playing Bern, Annalicia told me you ripped it up. Nicely done both Annalicia and Steven, fourth apparently is the cool place to get since you both came in there. Did I miss anyone? Probably. um...OH YEAH! Good job Mr. Vice President Harris. I swear I voted for you...;)
Okay, SERIOUSLY I'm going to shower now!
-Jillian Out
You want to know something ironic? I very rarely get mad, like, seriously mad. Usually when people think I'm mad it's frustration or just hurt. The little tantrum I threw on Thursday was totally out of frustration and confusion. I don't think any of you have ever seen me ACTUALLY mad. Possibly just touches of mad, but not pure unadulterated anger.
Anyhoo, it was so awesome today. I watched the CES fireside on BYU-TV and if any of you have dish and missed it, shame on you! It was so awesome! I won't say I enjoyed it (any of you that watched it know why I won't say that) and the talks were directed basically toward older singles (I told my mom three or four times that if he was directing this talk to sixteen to eighteen year olds he would have said the opposite, that 'hanging out' was the best thing to do and 'dating' should be in moderation.) but it was still really cool. Elder Oaks talked about how we need to find balance in all things and how impulsiveness was spiritually damaging. I remember this one comment he made about one of the Presidents of the Church. He said the President was concerned when they decided to build a temple in Provo because he was afraid the students would attend the temple so often that they would disregard their school work. This took my dad by surprise but I made a comment I had thought about a lot lately. It was "the youth of this world could establish so much good and do so many service projects if we just didn't have to go to school."
Anyway, I'm going to go shower now, and then do my homework, which I am quite depressed that I have to do on Sunday. But what we did last night was worth it. Seriously, as Maegan said, It's something we're going to remember forever. Or at least until I get really old and totally lose my mind.
Okay, time for congratulations (and good luck, Annalicia!). Good Job Raage, as long as no Canooks beat you, it's all good. Nice playing Bern, Annalicia told me you ripped it up. Nicely done both Annalicia and Steven, fourth apparently is the cool place to get since you both came in there. Did I miss anyone? Probably. um...OH YEAH! Good job Mr. Vice President Harris. I swear I voted for you...;)
Okay, SERIOUSLY I'm going to shower now!
-Jillian Out
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