Wow...last night might actually have been better than I imagined it would be. But seriously, man oh man, words don't describe the intense ab-workout I got last night...it was awesome.
Yesterday at school was interesting. Raage turned and looked at me with this smile that said "isn't this exciting?" at the end of Calculus and reached out his hand so I would take it. I didn't. I couldn't. If it had been anyone else, I probably could've forced myself to pretend I was happy and go along with it, but not him. And it wasn't so much that I wasn't happy. Words can't describe how happy I am that I never have to take another math class in my life. It's just that graduation means everyone's one step closer to leaving...especially him. There's not going to be any more getting together during lunch and walking around the school talking, no more deciding to skip class to play in the rain, no more buying cookies from Suzy, no more me being blamed for every disturbance in class that might have something to do with me, no more randomly deciding to do something later that night, no more chinese or doing homework out in the field. I just couldn't legitimately be happy about it. When people were running through the halls screaming, I felt like crying.
And then singing with Mollie last night. It was amazing. I can still remember her as the tall girl with glasses and a gap in her teeth singing along with Charlotte Church. But I looked at her last night and saw a beautiful, mature, talented young woman.
You know, it's good to be alive right now. I'm looking outside, and the rain has just stopped and the sun's starting to set and it's making everything look sort of orange and gorgeous. And the clouds are amazing. I really wish I had a camera right now so I could take pictures and post them. The shadows are amazing. It makes everything look so...dimensional?
I really want Raage to teach me to speak Spanish this summer. Actually, I just want to learn to speak some other langugage. I might try my dad with French. I mean, what's the point of having a dad that speaks it fluently if you're not going to learn, eh?
And I just deleted two or three large paragraphs that consisted mainly of me talking about my fear of change. But now that I'm listening to some girlie pop music (weird...especially since I just admitted it...) and I feel a bit better. Actually, I feel a lot better. Enough to go home and shower and maybe read. And who knows, maybe I'll get the urge to experiment with brownies ;) So when you guys meet at my house tonight to go watch X-Men 3 and there are twenty different kinds of brownies around, don't worry, I'm not pregnant.
So, what's the point of this post? I don't know. I just think I needed someone to talk to. Sad that I turn to a computer, huh? Meh, whatever. The other point is, I'm so grateful for my friends. Darcy, Beckah, Jeff, Raage, Mollie, and so many others. Honestly, this year would have completely sucked without you. Now, granted, leaving High School now sucks because of you guys, but it's the good kind of suckage. The suckage that means I may have to wear waterproof mascara at Graduation. Even though I would prefer not to cry. Tears would obstruct my view of Cale, and that would be a horrible travesty.
Anyway, some final wishes. Meghan, Raage, Kathy, all of you, do well at State! Course, I don't know why I'm writing this now, you all left this morning. Anyway, good luck! The rest of you, I'll probably see you tonight, hopefully. Much love!
Toodles!
-Jillian
2 comments:
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Ahhh, yes...the gap in the teeth days. those were good times. But ya, i have often stared at you and remembered what you were like in middle school and what you have become now....you are beautiful. I am so glad that i have been able to share middle school, high school, and now college, memories wih you! See you at pizza hut in like, an hour. much love, ms. pants
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