You know, there's nothing quite like falling asleep while reading your scriptures. Honestly. It's so weird sometimes, because I'll be lying in bed studying and when I decide it's time to go to bed and I close my BoM or Bible it's like I feel...I don't know...weird? Like I want to keep on studying so badly but I know I need to go to bed. It's like when the scriptures are open you're so much closer to Heavenly Father and you can practically imagine him being right there with you. Then when you close it you can almost feel a bit of the spirit disapear. It's really weird. But it was awesome last night. I got ready for bed, said my prayers and then began reading. I was reading about charity and in the topical guide in the Bible that also includes a lot of verses on love. It helped me a lot. But then after like, twenty minutes or something I fell asleep with my scriptures open and that wonderful feeling you have whenever you're reading was still there. It was so...I don't know, I don't think I can describe it.
Then my dad charges into my room this morning (well, afternoon I guess) and yells at me to get up and do poop patrol in the jungle we call our side-yard. The grass seriously has to be like, a foot and a half tall right now. Well, not anymore, since my dad weed-wacked some of it today. But you want to know the part that bites? It was Jessy's day to pick up poop but because she wanted to go to Troutdale at 7:00 this morning with Kayleen I got stuck doing it. AND cleaning the bathroom. But that wasn't that bad.
Anyway, here's my good luck list for today. Good luck with tennis today Steven, good luck with track Raage, and good luck playing today Bern, teach those west coasters what Eastern Oregonians are made out of!
You know, I'm going to feel like a complete freak if I'm spelling Bern's name wrong. Oh well, I don't think he has the link to my blog. But hey, DANIEL HARRIS! What happened with the election? Do I need to sing Hail to the Chief everytime I see you? Or should it be Hail to the Secretary or something cool like that? You must tell.
Anyway, I think I'm going to call Maegan and see if she wants to go dink around on the tennis courts again. Much love all!
-Jillian out
Ha, I'm talking to my favorite almost sixteen year old Christensen boy from Fruitland! I haven't talked to him in like, four months. I'm so happy!
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Friday, April 29, 2005
"Wow, I can see up T.J.'s nose."
So, today was, um...interesting? But I'll just put it this way. I figured out why I've been cranky, irratable, tired, and hating all members of the male species lately. Unfortunately there's very little I can do about it except for eat chocolate and listen to angry girl rock till I feel like doing something.
I'm totally home alone right now and I'm blaring "Evanescence" on the computer stereo system, so take 'blaring' as a grain of salt. I just got back from watching the tennis players warm up I guess. It was funny because I watched Steven serve like, twice and I totally knew what was happening. Maegan noticed it too, but we decided not to tell him then - when I was there - as he'd probably go balistic on us and tell us we don't know what we're talking about. I manage to have that effect on Steven, as I hold a very special place in his heart that's all mine. No one else can touch it, though Maegan tries quite hard. Actually, now that I think about it there are probably quite a few people that have a claim on that spot, though I think I'm one of the only ones that takes a small peice of pride in claiming it.
No one's answered my question about disliking but caring about people yet. I wish someone would explain it to me.
Max is our A.S.B. president. As much as I give him crap about it, I can't help but think it's totally sweet. I'm not sure what to look forward to next year but it'll probably be sweet.
Dude, worst/weirdest mood today. It was just the urge to totally rage on everybody, especially two certain people, but I only raged on one and raged on a person that wasn't in my "raging" spectrum. Gol, I'm so weird. I honestly don't know what brings on these feelings sometimes. Maegan half jokingly said she thinks I'm bi-polar but in truth it wouldn't surprise me, it sorta runs in the family.
My ankle hurts.
Chocolate is good.
I curled up in a ball under a table today in Spanish. Honestly, I felt like total crap. The irony is no one cared. ...and I just re-read that and it sounded really depressing, but I meant no one cared I was rolled up in a ball under that table...yeah, I'm leaving before I confuse myself more.
-Jillian Out
p.s. you know how sometimes you hear songs that make you think of people? Is it bad that "everybody's fool" makes me think of someone? Bah...I'm a horrible evil person...
I think I'm going to listen to that song again
I'm totally home alone right now and I'm blaring "Evanescence" on the computer stereo system, so take 'blaring' as a grain of salt. I just got back from watching the tennis players warm up I guess. It was funny because I watched Steven serve like, twice and I totally knew what was happening. Maegan noticed it too, but we decided not to tell him then - when I was there - as he'd probably go balistic on us and tell us we don't know what we're talking about. I manage to have that effect on Steven, as I hold a very special place in his heart that's all mine. No one else can touch it, though Maegan tries quite hard. Actually, now that I think about it there are probably quite a few people that have a claim on that spot, though I think I'm one of the only ones that takes a small peice of pride in claiming it.
No one's answered my question about disliking but caring about people yet. I wish someone would explain it to me.
Max is our A.S.B. president. As much as I give him crap about it, I can't help but think it's totally sweet. I'm not sure what to look forward to next year but it'll probably be sweet.
Dude, worst/weirdest mood today. It was just the urge to totally rage on everybody, especially two certain people, but I only raged on one and raged on a person that wasn't in my "raging" spectrum. Gol, I'm so weird. I honestly don't know what brings on these feelings sometimes. Maegan half jokingly said she thinks I'm bi-polar but in truth it wouldn't surprise me, it sorta runs in the family.
My ankle hurts.
Chocolate is good.
I curled up in a ball under a table today in Spanish. Honestly, I felt like total crap. The irony is no one cared. ...and I just re-read that and it sounded really depressing, but I meant no one cared I was rolled up in a ball under that table...yeah, I'm leaving before I confuse myself more.
-Jillian Out
p.s. you know how sometimes you hear songs that make you think of people? Is it bad that "everybody's fool" makes me think of someone? Bah...I'm a horrible evil person...
I think I'm going to listen to that song again
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
"don't let a suitcase full of cheese be your huge fork and spoon!"
Just a question. Do you think it's possible to really care about a person and what they're feeling but not like them much? If so, HOW THE HECK DOES THAT WORK?
-Jillian Out
-Jillian Out
I love you like a fat boy loves chocolate cake!
so, okay, today's been interesting. Just when I think everything's fine and dandy something pops up that totally throws it all off and I just feel icky again. And I know it's my fault I just wish I knew how to remedy it or that I knew what was wrong.
Anyway, I just had some Dove chocolate and it gave me some harsh heartburn. Dude, I was driving to Subway tonight and I was behind this woman who - I swear - was on crack. she's in a thirty-five and she's driving fifteen. In a twenty-five she excelerates to twenty. Then in the twenty, she starts going twenty-five! And then FINALLY when we get to the twenty-five she's going the right speed! HALELUJAH! Only took her four speed zones. *rolls eyes* I hate stupid people. Seriously, it's one of the only trait's in the world that will really tick me off. That and fake people. And liars. But liars and fake people manage to go together. Anyway, those people tick me off. You should see me when I come in contact with a stupid fake person. It's not pretty, I'll tell you that.
I've decided that the reason my dreams are so weird is because I'm lacking adventure in my life and my sub-conscious tries to fill my desire for thrill through my dreams. Gol, my life is boring! I just wish something exciting would happen to me! I'm tired of trying to make things fun and interesting for everyone - including myself. Sometimes I wish life was like a movie. A musical movie. Where everyone would burst into song. That would be sweet! And all the duets would end in "ooh" vowels, and everyone would have one. A duet I mean. And we'd have really random costume changes and everything would be COOL! I don't know what the conflict would be. There's usually very little plot in musicals. Though they're always a villian and the girl is always choosing between more than one guy. And everything ends with everyone TRULY happy. Though now that I think about it they do end the movies at bad times - you never know what happens after the couple kisses. Do they get married? Do they break up? Do they make a mutual decision to see other people? If they do get married do they divorce later? Do they have kids? If so, are they cute kids who are musically talented? Do they stay together forever and sing loving duets for all eternity until one of them dies and the other dies within the same month because they can't bear to be apart from each other?
As you can see, I can - and will - analyze the crap out of anything.
Anyway, I should go and finish up my A.P. homework. Ugh. I need a car bash.
-Jillian Out
Anyway, I just had some Dove chocolate and it gave me some harsh heartburn. Dude, I was driving to Subway tonight and I was behind this woman who - I swear - was on crack. she's in a thirty-five and she's driving fifteen. In a twenty-five she excelerates to twenty. Then in the twenty, she starts going twenty-five! And then FINALLY when we get to the twenty-five she's going the right speed! HALELUJAH! Only took her four speed zones. *rolls eyes* I hate stupid people. Seriously, it's one of the only trait's in the world that will really tick me off. That and fake people. And liars. But liars and fake people manage to go together. Anyway, those people tick me off. You should see me when I come in contact with a stupid fake person. It's not pretty, I'll tell you that.
I've decided that the reason my dreams are so weird is because I'm lacking adventure in my life and my sub-conscious tries to fill my desire for thrill through my dreams. Gol, my life is boring! I just wish something exciting would happen to me! I'm tired of trying to make things fun and interesting for everyone - including myself. Sometimes I wish life was like a movie. A musical movie. Where everyone would burst into song. That would be sweet! And all the duets would end in "ooh" vowels, and everyone would have one. A duet I mean. And we'd have really random costume changes and everything would be COOL! I don't know what the conflict would be. There's usually very little plot in musicals. Though they're always a villian and the girl is always choosing between more than one guy. And everything ends with everyone TRULY happy. Though now that I think about it they do end the movies at bad times - you never know what happens after the couple kisses. Do they get married? Do they break up? Do they make a mutual decision to see other people? If they do get married do they divorce later? Do they have kids? If so, are they cute kids who are musically talented? Do they stay together forever and sing loving duets for all eternity until one of them dies and the other dies within the same month because they can't bear to be apart from each other?
As you can see, I can - and will - analyze the crap out of anything.
Anyway, I should go and finish up my A.P. homework. Ugh. I need a car bash.
-Jillian Out
Monday, April 25, 2005
and the lightbulb came on...
It's so awesome. I was thinking today, and I realized something. I know Heavenly Father always has a reason for doing things, and up until today I didn't have any idea of why he was putting me through this past week. I wasn't looking at the big picture. I didn't realize that "what he was putting me through" included all the time since January and even the last part of December. Mostly it all came to a head this past week but he was trying to teach me - as Heavenly Father always does.
As I sit back and look at things I realize the reason(s) why I was friends with Beckah. She needed Steven when she did and while I was looking at the strange chain of events that led up to our group becoming a group I realized that if I wasn't friends with Beckah she most likely wouldn't have found him at that time.
Funny how where you're sitting at a basketball game and who you have classes with and who you invite to a party have such a profound effect on things.
I do realize they would have been friends eventually, just as Maegan and I would have become fairly tight eventually. But who knows how long it would have taken if these things hadn't happened?
Also, Heavenly Father was trying to teach me something that I've been having problems with for almost 2 years now. It's alright if you don't like someone. You still have to love them as Christ would, but you don't necessarily have to like them. So much would have been easier if Steven and I would have just looked at each other and been like "okay, so I don't really like this person...aight" and moved on. Granted, trying to make ourselves like each other was only one of the first mistakes of many - at least on my part - but it was probably the first step.
Also through this experiance I've learned just how amazingly valuable my family is. I've never been one to talk about emotions (as most of you probably know) and my family was no exception. My parents literally had no idea what was going on with my life, but they trusted me I wasn't doing anything too illegal or stupid (actually, I think they just knew my veins were too small for me to be a drug user(-;). But through this I've finally been able to feel comfortable talking to them and letting them know what's going on. It's also helped me learn where I get certain tendency's from (hint: my mom loves doing innocent but illegal things, such as shoving ten people into a car that seats 5 - even when 6 of the ten happen to be the children of the bishopric) and to learn things about myself I probably didn't want to know but now that I do it makes me feel better.
I realize this probably doesn't make sense to any of you that are bored enough to read this, and I'm sorry if I'm freaking some people out by actually being serious for a change. I'll try not to make it a habit;)
Alright, I'm tired, and I should still do some A.P. homework so I'm not totally overwhelmed tomorrow!
-Jillian Out
As I sit back and look at things I realize the reason(s) why I was friends with Beckah. She needed Steven when she did and while I was looking at the strange chain of events that led up to our group becoming a group I realized that if I wasn't friends with Beckah she most likely wouldn't have found him at that time.
Funny how where you're sitting at a basketball game and who you have classes with and who you invite to a party have such a profound effect on things.
I do realize they would have been friends eventually, just as Maegan and I would have become fairly tight eventually. But who knows how long it would have taken if these things hadn't happened?
Also, Heavenly Father was trying to teach me something that I've been having problems with for almost 2 years now. It's alright if you don't like someone. You still have to love them as Christ would, but you don't necessarily have to like them. So much would have been easier if Steven and I would have just looked at each other and been like "okay, so I don't really like this person...aight" and moved on. Granted, trying to make ourselves like each other was only one of the first mistakes of many - at least on my part - but it was probably the first step.
Also through this experiance I've learned just how amazingly valuable my family is. I've never been one to talk about emotions (as most of you probably know) and my family was no exception. My parents literally had no idea what was going on with my life, but they trusted me I wasn't doing anything too illegal or stupid (actually, I think they just knew my veins were too small for me to be a drug user(-;). But through this I've finally been able to feel comfortable talking to them and letting them know what's going on. It's also helped me learn where I get certain tendency's from (hint: my mom loves doing innocent but illegal things, such as shoving ten people into a car that seats 5 - even when 6 of the ten happen to be the children of the bishopric) and to learn things about myself I probably didn't want to know but now that I do it makes me feel better.
I realize this probably doesn't make sense to any of you that are bored enough to read this, and I'm sorry if I'm freaking some people out by actually being serious for a change. I'll try not to make it a habit;)
Alright, I'm tired, and I should still do some A.P. homework so I'm not totally overwhelmed tomorrow!
-Jillian Out
Almanacs...
whoa, so this thing actually works...that's very exciting. So today was actually pretty cool, except for Spanish, but I've never liked that class. And Pre-calc. And Health. And Choir. And AP was pretty not that good too. So maybe it's not as cool as I thought it was. I still feel good about it though. Except now I'm supposed to be slaving away over my AP History review, or the mother problems that Ms. Shannon gave us for homework. Ha, okay, so this tells how retarded my life is right? My biggest thrill today was stealing an Almanac from the Library. Yes, you heard right. I stole an Almanac from the library. We decided that we're all going to get Mr. Sebastyn in trouble because the minutes his AP classes come to the library for an assignment all the Almanac's disapear. Seriously, I saw five or six people walk out with them. How awesome is that? And it's not like we're going to hoard them forever or anything. We just need to copy down the information on the Presidents.
Did you know Chester Arthur had eighty pairs of trousers? And that President Harrison died a month into his election of pnemonia that he had contracted while campaigning for the presidency? Yeah, who'd a thunk it? Must've sucked to be him. Or his VP actually. Maybe it was actually this huge elaborate conspiracy hatched by his VP. Poisen the president, make it seem like an accident, that he just contracted pnemonia, and then take over the presidency! ...is poison spelled with an O? yeah, I think it is. oh well, that's what we get when they take spelling class out of public education. Dang, I haven't taken an english class for a year and a half. Shock and Horror!
Dude, it's finally starting to hit me that I have to grow up. I REALLY don't want to grow up. That means that I have to start being really responsible and stuff. Like getting a job. Which isn't that bad really, I've already had a job and am actually looking for another one, but when I have to start paying bills and paying for school and going to huge massivly overfilled classes? *gulp* I'm not saying I want to stay in High School forever (heck no, waaaaaaaaaaay too much drama for me) but getting older doesn't sound that cool either.
Couldn't we just stay sixteen? If I could continually live Sophomore year I'd be cool. Though then I'd miss out on some of the cool people I've met this year, so maybe not. Besides, now that I think of it Sophomore year had some bumps too.
Anyhoo, I'm just rambling now and my fingers are starting to hurt. I swear I'm going to have carpal tunnel syndrome when I get older from typing too much.
-Jillian out
Did you know Chester Arthur had eighty pairs of trousers? And that President Harrison died a month into his election of pnemonia that he had contracted while campaigning for the presidency? Yeah, who'd a thunk it? Must've sucked to be him. Or his VP actually. Maybe it was actually this huge elaborate conspiracy hatched by his VP. Poisen the president, make it seem like an accident, that he just contracted pnemonia, and then take over the presidency! ...is poison spelled with an O? yeah, I think it is. oh well, that's what we get when they take spelling class out of public education. Dang, I haven't taken an english class for a year and a half. Shock and Horror!
Dude, it's finally starting to hit me that I have to grow up. I REALLY don't want to grow up. That means that I have to start being really responsible and stuff. Like getting a job. Which isn't that bad really, I've already had a job and am actually looking for another one, but when I have to start paying bills and paying for school and going to huge massivly overfilled classes? *gulp* I'm not saying I want to stay in High School forever (heck no, waaaaaaaaaaay too much drama for me) but getting older doesn't sound that cool either.
Couldn't we just stay sixteen? If I could continually live Sophomore year I'd be cool. Though then I'd miss out on some of the cool people I've met this year, so maybe not. Besides, now that I think of it Sophomore year had some bumps too.
Anyhoo, I'm just rambling now and my fingers are starting to hurt. I swear I'm going to have carpal tunnel syndrome when I get older from typing too much.
-Jillian out
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