Time together isn't ever quite enough

I am not the most logical person at times. I am fully aware that I have this problem with following through with my thoughts all the way.

For instance...

Last Friday I thought my wallet had been stolen. Having gone through this before, I knew the drill and immediately went to Wells Fargo and had them cancel my debit card and close my account, as my account number had been in my wallet too. So they set up a new account for me, ordered me a new card, new checks, everything. I cancelled my other debit card too, and in the end I was glad I had gotten that part sorted out.

But lo and behold, what did I find the very next day? My wallet, sitting on my chest of drawers where I swear it had not been when I looked there the day previous. Not that I was horribly upset, I was glad I didn't have to contact the SSA to get that sorted out or have to get another license or BYU ID, not to mention the library and grocery store cards I had in there. And I have a strong affinity for the actual wallet as well. :)

Well, I worked my butt off this weekend and made enough money that I didn't feel comfortable walking around with it in my newly rediscovered wallet, so I go to the bank this morning to get the two accounts sorted out (yeah...telling the guy I'd found it was embarrassing, don't even worry about it) and deposited all my cash into my checking account.

This is where my lack of fully developed thought comes in.

I completely forgot the fact that, oh wait, I have almost no food at my house. I have rice. I have eggs. I have instant stuffing. That's pretty much it. No eggs, no milk, nothing. So I get back from the bank this morning feeling rather ravenous as I hadn't eaten for 20 hours, realize I have nothing to eat in my house and think "Oh, I needed to go grocery shopping anyway, might as well go now."

One problem though. I'd cancelled my debit card and I, being the genius I am, had just deposited all of my cash.

So what did I, the prideful, stubborn, independent yet resourceful college student do? I scrounged through my work apron and discovered $3.20 in coins and went to the store to buy a loaf of bread.

Since then I have had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and fried eggs on toast. Both were delightful and very filling and I feel like I can get on with my day now.

I'm moving right now. I'm actually quite excited about it. I love going to a new place, someplace that's fresh and blank, and making it my own. I have all of Wednesday and Thursday off, so I'm going to spend at least one of those days unpacking and organizing everything as well as decorating it and putting my mark on it so it feels more like home and less like a bed I'm just filling temporarily. Hopefully I'll spend the other day hiking, but we'll see what kind of progress I make as I want everything to be settled and set before school starts on Monday.

I am waxing a little nostalgic though. This house has seen some fun memories and I'm a little sad to leave the place behind, though I'm sure there will be many more made in the apartment next store.

And a post wouldn't be a post without at least one list.

Things that make me smile:

-Owl City, most specifically The Saltwater Room, Hello Seattle, If My Heart Was a House, and the Bird and the Worm

-Knowing I have tickets to go see Ingrid Michaelson

-E-mails from and talking to my best friend

-Going through my pictures and deciding which ones to print off to hang around my room

-Finding out I don't have to have all my stuff moved out and deep-cleaned for another 30 hours

-Thinking I might be pinpointing what's wrong with my car so I can get it fixed sometime in the future

-Knowing I'm working tonight so I'll actually be able to buy cleaning supplies

-The anticipation of shopping for school supplies

Who died and made you king of everything?

I don't like airports. Or maybe it's just that I don't like waiting in airports. I think that's probably the thing. I enjoy when I'm walking through airports, searching for and suceeding in finding my gate, realizing that all these planes are going to various and diverse places. Of course, then the fantisizing begins and I start to try and figure out how I can smuggle my person on one of those planes that's not heading to Boise, Portland, or Salt Lake.

But then there's the waiting. They say you should get here 2 hours early for a domestic flight, 3 for international. I'm not sure why this is, if it's the fear that going through the security checkpoints is just going to take so dang long that you're going to miss your flight, or if the fast food places have entered into a conspiracy to make you wait around the airport, bored out of your mind, for as long as possible to entice you to buy one of their incredibly overpriced and low-quality items. Which, come to think of it, I'll probably do here in about 45 minutes when my laptop no longer entertains me.

I just don't like it. And it's not that I don't like doing relaxing activities such as reading or surfing the net. It's just that I like to do them in the comfort of my own home and not when I have camera's watching me and my luggage like a hawk. I hate that I have to carry all of my bags with me whenever I go to the bathroom and then struggle to figure out where to put them while I'm in there. I hate that these waiting chairs are so gosh-darned uncomfortable and that sitting on them for too long makes my tailbone ache.

I think if I traveled with someone it might be more enjoyable. Then we could lovingly judge the people around us by playing games like "spot the ugliest pants" or "who has the ugliest shoes" and my personal favorite "what's up with THAT couple?" Or we could do a scavenger hunt through the stores for the ugliest souvenir. Those are fun games to play, but just aren't quite the same by yourself.

That being said, I am currently watching "Lost" in an airport, right before I'm going to board my plane. That seems masochistic, even to me, but hey, as I said, I'm bored. The 20 minutes it took me to check in and go through security went by way too fast. But it's either watch "Lost" or organize my I-tunes library, as I'm saving reading my book for the actual plane ride. And while I do enjoy organizing my I-tunes I'm not quite in the mood for it, as it tends to constipate my computer.

That being said, I want a candy bar. Or possibly gelato. But mostly a candy-bar. Probably a Milky Way. Or Milky Way gelato. That would easily solve my indecision. However, as this is the Boise airport, I don't think they have gelato here. Sad face.

The flight's delayed, so I'm looking at not loading for another hour or so. Oh well...I've still got 20 minutes left in this episode, plus enough time to hunt down something to conquer this sweet craving I'm having.

Another observation about this airport? The music they play is so odd! It's like they put someone's I-pod on shuffle and just let it go. Now, granted, the music they're playing isn't bad music, it's just a unique juxtapositioning of songs.

I have very little else to say at the moment. One can only muse so long about airports unless said airport is a hustling and bustling one, and the Boise airport on a Thursday evening in mid-August is not horribly bustling. Just a random assortment of businessmen and a few families.

I'll be posting pictures of the blessing and other assorted shenanigans pretty soon. Until then, have a great day!

Toodles!

-Jillian

IMPORTANT ADDENDUM!!!

I have searched this airport, and have found hide nor hair of gelato OR Milky Ways! Oh, of course they have the Caramel Milky Ways, but the origional? Nope! They don't even have the original Mamba's which I would have been happy settling for. What kind of establishment are they running here?! No Mamba's OR Milky Ways?

What is this world coming to?

Blurgh...

Here are my thoughts at the moment.

In my mind, it's pretty much already September and I'm about to start school. I'm actually really upset by this for some reason. I was really excited for fall semester ever since I registered for classes, but for some reason when I looked at my schedule today and realized school was so soon, I dreaded it. I dreaded going at another semester, working my butt off at work, sacrificing my schooling to try and maintain relationships with friends that never seem to work out quite the way I'd like them too and to keep my head above water financially; not being able to truly develop certain skills I'd like to because I'm so busy with everything else.

That being said, I love my friends. I love the people I work with and enjoy my job. I'm sure I'm going to love the classes I'm taking. So I really don't know where this loathing and dread came from, but man, it was overwhelming for a little while.

So I've been watching Lost, and can I just say I'm soooo over the flash forwards? Come on and explain it already! You've been doing this for way too long and now it's just frustrating, and I want to know what's going on, so instead of making things so dramatic, just tell me, okay?

Because of this frustration, I may or may not have finished all of season 4 in 48 hours.

I swear I'm not as pathetic as I sound.

Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile...

Things that make me happy today:

My Rainbows

My Chaco's

Summer afternoon rain showers

Netflix streaming

Homemade soup with Macaroni Grill bread

I'm going to have a bunch of awesome historical books within the next month - even if it does cost an arm and a leg

Organizing my laundry

Knowing I'll be going home within the next 2 weeks

Only having one more class and one final before I'm done with Stats FOREVER!!

Getting the go-ahead to paint my bedroom when I get back from Oregon

Knowing that, despite some of my best friends being gone, they shall return within the month!

I've discovered a new solace. It's writing in my journal. Well, not necessarily in my journal so much as it's writing on whatever scrap of paper I have lying about. It's a great way to try and organize my thoughts and just get them out of my head for a bit so I can understand them better. Now if only I could organize those random scraps of paper into one spot...

Toodles!

-Jillian

Make your own kind of music!

I want the Harry Potter books.

I used to have all of them, back when I was living at home. My parents bought most of them for me, but then Jess fell in love with them and took most of them off with her when she moved out to become a real person. So I am left with no Harry Potter books.

So here's the deal, folks. I can the entire collection of paperbacks for$50 on Amazon, but that exceeds the budget I have set out for myself by $25 AND leaves with me no money in that category for the rest of the month. So...I'm debating what to do. Do I buy it now and just tighten my belt in other areas? Or should I wait until next month and see if I can work it into my budget?

P.s. I just heard the most awkward thing ever. One of my girlfriends asked one of our other friends how her honeymoon was. The newlywed responds with: "It was wonderful! The only way it would have been better is if you had been there!"

Sooooooooo awkward...

And in another vein entirely, I've decided Lost is what happens when lots of people with major issues get together. And I thought I had trust issues..

Biography

I don't like biographies. I realize most people who know me will think this is odd. After all, I love reading and I love history, so theoretically speaking those two things go together to form a biography, yes? Well, here's the deal. Most biographies suck.

I'm learning this through many attempts to read them and many attempts have left me bored after the first 50 pages. Yes, I do try and endure through the first 50 in hopes it will pick up or that I'll be drawn into it somehow. Unfortunately, the last few attempts I've made haven't worked.

It seems that I try to forge through the first few pages, only to be bogged down by the author's self-importance and ridiculous vocabulary. They always pretend to be the "true"account of this persons life, when in reality, they never really tell you much about the life so much as they interpret it and tell you the importance of certain events. And I am so not okay with that. Tell me the events in context of the life and I'll interpret them for myself, thank you very much.

I read my first biography when I was...9? However old you are when you're in the 4th grade. But it wasn't until I read "John Adams" by David McCullough that my love of biographies was rekindled.

I love David McCullough. He manages to present a life in an articulate, intelligent way without overwhelming his reader with too much minute detail or over-dramatic verbiage. He presents the person and their flaws without excusing or exploiting them. It's a rare gift that I think comes when you actually enjoy learning about the subject you are writing as opposed to enjoying presenting them.

So, what this means is, despite the fact that I would love to read a good biography about Bobby Kennedy, I'll put the bad version I have aside to read a biography written by McCullough about President Truman - a man who I have no intense desire to learn about so much as I desire a good biography to read.

That being said, I have 1776 on request through interlibrary loan. I'm waiting to get an e-mail telling me it's arrived any day now. I'm so excited! Until then, though, I shall endure through whatever it is I'm reading. I can't even remember it right now.

Toodles!

Right now...

Right now I'm missing simple things. I'm missing wide open skies that are scattered with stars. I missing good friends and good conversation. I'm missing the feeling that you're so small but so in touch with everything around you. I miss being able to go somewhere and be by yourself.

Right now I'm missing what makes me, me.

Things I've Been Told...work edition!

"You are so beautiful, on Facebook. I mean, you're pretty in real life, but on Facebook you're just so gorgeous! I don't know if it's your eyebrows or if you're just posing or what, but you're really gorgeous in some of those pictures!" - A girl from work.

How are you supposed to respond to that? I know she meant it as a compliment as we're friends and get along really well, but it made me laugh nonetheless. I suppose it could be due to the fact that, oh, I don't know, I wear a man's button down shirt, tie, ugly black pants and mailman shoes while I'm at work. It doesn't really flatter my figure or my face all that much, especially when I have my hair pulled back all the time and don't understand the point of putting on lots of make-up when I'm just going to sweat it off.

"You have a fantastically cute smile! Doesn't she just have the best smile girls?" "Oh, yes," "So adorable" "So straight and white." - Random table of ladies

Thank you, ladies. My parents paid good money for them.

"How old are you sweetie?" "Oh, I'm 22." "Oh...well, that's not bad. My son's getting back from his mission in a year or so, and I'd just love for him to meet a cute girl like you. Do you think you'll still be working here then?" - Yet another random lady, but at a different table

Thanks ma'm. Oddly enough I might still be working here then, but please don't bring your son in. Not only is he at least 2 years my junior, that would just be awkward, especially as you know nothing about, except that I'm "so cute" and keep your coke and bread refilled.

And last, but certainly not least:

"You know, I never knew how to go about saying this before, but since you're broken up now, whenever you used to post things on Facebook about how wonderful and cute your boyfriend was, I always used to think 'she's way too cool and hot to be with just one guy. That's just a waste.' I wanted to write that on your things when you said that, but I didn't think it would go over too well." - One of the hostesses

Can you see why it's my favorite? I just thanked her and, once more, laughed, because oddly enough I'd gotten that one before. I consider this more of a compliment to the guys I actually date, as they've obviously got to be pretty awesome :)

Now, I hope you all go out and think twice about the nice but possibly very awkward things you say to people while at work or at a restaurant.

Toodles!

-Jillian

Itching in my skin...

I have something I need to accomplish. I'm not sure what it is, but the past few nights I've just been itching out of my skin, like there's something in my life that's unfulfilled, something I need to do to feel completed, comfortable, and able to rest.

I'm not sure what it is, of course. If I did then I would just do it and I would be fine, I'd feel content.

I'm wondering if I should ignore this feeling and force myself to be happy or if I should accept it and figure out what it is that's eating me.

It's quite possible I'm just hungry. I've been horrible about eating the past week or so and that could be making me antsy. ...maybe. I do not know. I know I'm hungry, I just don't want to eat, and I don't really want to cook, so the result is I eat maybe one meal and munch on a few cookies during the day, and that's that. I know I should probably change this habit, but I have no real desire to.

Anyway, I think I'm going to force myself to go to bed since I have to wake up for class tomorrow.

Any suggestions on what I should attempt to feel less anxious would be greatly appreciated :)

-Jillian

"Do human beings ever realize life when they live it? Every, every minute?" - Our Town

I was fortunate enough to get see a brief part of a lightening storm tonight. I was with my friend Cameron and we'd just made a run to the store for some junk food before we settled in for the night to watch Will & Grace. I really wanted to climb onto the roof of their condo and watch the sky continue to light up, but Cameron wanted to get started with our marathon as we usually watched 4-6 episodes and that could take a while.

But, luckily for me, he got distracted on the computer and I ducked out the window. I wasn't planning on it. At first it was just my head out the window, smelling the wind as it blew the storm closer to Provo. Then I swung my legs over the windowsill, feeling the rough tiles under my toes, and eventually, I slid my body out onto the raked roof.

The wind was whipping the trees around, blowing old leaves and dried out seadpods and cotton in random patterns. They would go one way, then the other, as the storm closed in on the town. The smell was amazing, a mix of fresh rain and old dust, and the sky was cut wide by bright flashes of electricity. Some would get caught behind the clouds, illuminating the sky in a vibrant white purple glow that silhouetted the trees and the mountains on my right. A few seconds after the light would come the sound, crackling and building as a force from far away slowing rumbling to its climax.

All the while the wind hissed through my ears, blowing my hair over my bare shoulders, stroking my bare legs, whipping me with little pieces of debris from the approaching storm.

As I sat there I thought "this is my life. I am living this right now." And I was suddenly so grateful to my Heavenly Father to be placed on this earth at this moment in time to experience this beautiful occurrence. And I was sad for all those who couldn't feel what I was feeling, those who couldn't see the beauty in a storm. Those who couldn't see God in every raindrop.

We get so caught up in the mundane parts of everyday life. If rain happens we worry if we rolled up the windows, mourn the loss of our barbecue, become frustrated because we'd just washed the car. We gloss over the beauties we see without a second thought.

A friend once asked if I thought Heavenly Father made beautiful things on purpose or if they just happened naturally during the creation. Personally, I think He made them on purpose as a reminder to us narrow-sighted humans that He is there all around us. To me, a waterfall, a mountain, a rainbow, they're all testaments of God's love, just like that lightening storm. A sort of heavenly hug, where, for a second, we can see the beauty and omnipotence of God.

"It's like God's looking right at you, just for a second, and if you're careful...you can look right back." - American Beauty

A less artistic Post Secret

Here are some less than stellar facts about me:

I get really upset sometimes

I'm demanding

I have a jealous streak

I'm impatient

I want to know everything.

If I don't get something I want it frustrates me to no end

I need constant validation

I'm argumentative

I need to vent

I'm afraid of failure and rejection

I hate sharing information that makes me vulnerable, especially when I don't know what the person I shared it with is feeling

I need to be wanted

I have this tendency to say things I'm feeling, then wish them unsaid

I'll push someone away so they won't do it to me first

I'm afraid of admitting what I want for fear of not getting it, or worse, of getting it and discovering it's not actually something I wanted

I still don't know exactly what love is

Happiness is finding a pencil...

Things that make me happy today:

Creaming Ryan as it was his last day at work.

Making pretty good money.

The table volunteering to be the last on my priority list as they could see I'd been double and triple sat.

Finishing two Stats assignments - before they're due!

Talking to Stanley and getting cute text messages from him right when I think I'm going to lose it.

Eating homemade curry while watching "Up" with Shannon.

Working with Katie and Kristi.

Talking to the advisor about Washington Seminar and realizing it has a very high likelihood of happening.

Talking to my Academic Advisor and realizing there's someone who can actually help me out with this whole eventual graduation thing.

Thinking about my "Religion and the Law" history seminar class I'm taking in a few weeks.

Listening to Jack's Mannequin and Colbie Caillat as I walked across campus.

Knowing tomorrow's going to be a great day.

Blast from the Past

I thought my blog could do with a small face-lift. My blog has been the same ever since my junior year of high school when I started it.

You know, I was just thinking about how far back this blog actually goes. If you were to read some of my very first entries you'd find a girl unsure with her life, loving but insecure with herself and her friends, questioning things and thinking out loud. My life and my mindset have changed so much in the last five years. My old friendships have changed, I new friends have come and gone, I'm in a town going to a school I never thought I'd attend, pursuing a career I thought I didn't want, working at a job that never had occurred to me and dating a person I couldn't have imagined. I had always thought if I made it to 21 and was unmarried I'd be on a mission!

But there are still so many similarities between myself then and now. I'm still questioning and I'm still finding myself in this crazy life I've built and had erected. I'm feverishly trying to keep my head above water as I navigate through an unfamiliar world of financial aid, internships, and bills.

In honor of this, I'd like to post a picture from different times. Times that may not have been simpler, just maybe a little more straightforward.

Road-trip Itinerary

Okay folksies! Stanley and I finally sat down and actually figured out the plan for our trip next week. And by we sat down and figured it out I mean we already had it sorta planned out in our heads but Stanley wanted us to write it down and plan out the details. Here it is:

Tuesday, June 8th:

10 a.m. - leave Stanley's house in South Jordan.

6 p.m. - arrive in the L.G. This is a rough guesstimate for how long it will take us

7 p.m. - watch final episode of Glee *sniffle* We will miss you Mr. Schue!

*Free time to hang out with people afterwards*

Wednesday, June 9th:

Jess, Paxti and Vallin come down to hang out with us while Mom and Dad are out of town at a Dr.'s appointment. I also might be helping mi madre with dance auditions this night as she will still be recovering from surgery.

*Free time to hang out with people afterwards...I think...*

Thursday, June 10th:

3:30 p.m. - Dr's appointment! I will then force Stanley to pick out frames with me

5 p.m. = *We can probably hang out this night and possibly during the day as well, though the nephew may be in tow for a little part of it, depending on how my mom is feeling*

Friday, June 11th:

Another early morning Dr.'s appointment for Jillian! Woohoo!

12 p.m. Leave for Sun Valley

7 p.m. arrive in Sun Valley

Saturday, June 12th

Playday in Sun Valley. I'm leaving the planning of the details to Stanley.

Sunday, June 13th

More time in the valley of the sun. Maybe we'll stalk Bruce Willis. And probably go to church.

Monday, June 14th

10 a.m. - leave Sun Valley

2 p.m. - Arrive in good ol' Rexburg, Idaho

*Free time to play with friends and family!*

Tuesday, June 15th

7 a.m. - Leave Rexburg

9 a.m. - Arrive in Jackson WY! We'll probably eat at Norah's in Wilson for breakfast. So good!

*Free time in Jackson!!*

6 p.m. Watch the shoot-out

7:30 p.m. Watch Danica in Annie Get Your Gun

12 a.m. Drive into the park to find somewhere to camp

Wednesday, June 16th

Play in park all day!

6 p.m. Head back to South Jordan

So there you go folks! There are obviously some parts where things aren't completely planned. Friends in La Grande, Rexburg, and Jackson, feel free to contact me if you want to play! I've gotten in touch with most of you already, but especially if we haven't set anything in stone feel free to text me!

See you guys soon!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Check this hand, cuz I'm marvelous...

Remember that one time I was horrible about blogging?

Yeah...I do too.

But, in my defense, I was really, really good at it for a while. Unlike some people. Like Jennifer. I think it is fair to say I have infinitely better blogging habits.

You know you love me. :)

So much to update on! And yet, not really. I spent most of my time at work or with Stanley. Unfortunately, the two don't overlap anymore which makes me sad. He and I had many good times at work, judging fellow servers as well as the guests at our tables, rolling silverware in the back while singing Lady Gaga, being judged by Todd. *sigh* oh the memories.

However, we are doing pretty well making new memories outside of the good ol' Mac Shack. Since I last posted, he graduated from the U (he stood up to be honored no less than 15 times...not even joking...) while I entertained myself by playing hangman with his little sister and singing along with his mother while the band played show tunes.

The graduation itself was a little tedious, but it was really fun to see him get recognized for all the effort and hard work that he's put in the last 4 years. Plus hanging out with his family is always super fun, so that was a bonus.

We also went up to Logan the other day to go skeet shooting. Ohmigosh, so much fun. It reminded me of home and the good, wonderfully classy instituted activities we'd have going shooting on a Saturday morning. I must say, I did pretty well. Though that was mostly due to them going easy on me when they threw the skeets so I would out-shoot Stanley. Either way, I'm not complaining.

Anyhoo, after a long night of collecting album artwork, and filling out FAFSA forms, I'm feeling the need to sleep, despite the fact that I slept around 10 hours last night. Considering I spent half my day running around refilling waters, restocking bread, and singing Happy Birthday, I think that's okay though. Night all!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Welcome to the Mac Shack, please eat our olives!

Today, I would like to dedicate this blog to some of the finer things that are said at my home away from home, Macaroni Grill.

"Let me tell you a little secret about Victoria. I love America. I'm pretty much the most patriotic person I know. When I'm hostessing, I color the floor-chart with red and blue, so then it's red white and blue." - Victoria, Hostess

"Most people don't even know what fascism is. They hear fascism and think 'Oh no! Nazi's!" - Ben, server, whilst discussing Bella Ciao, the fascist march we sing in the restaurant. ...we don't tell anyone it's a fascist war song.

"Juan, is it worse for me to be chewing gum or sucking on a cough drop?"

"Well...I've always liked the word sucking. Just the action itself is more pleasant and it's a fun word. So I'd say chewing gum is worse. Always go with sucking." - Juan, General Manager

"Dude, the guy at that table is seriously a James Bond villain. I went to the table and was like 'where would you like the tomato bruschetta?' and he was all 'I'm going to kill you.' ...okay, he didn't really say that..." - Brad, server runner extraordinaire.

"So I was like 'WTF?'"

"...I can't believe you actually just said that."

"Said what?"

"WTF."

"Oh...welcome to Provo." - Me and the new manager, Katie, from California.

SCREW IT! I'm going to the store and buying cough syrup and cough drops!

I'm giving in.

I am, indeed, sick.

There, I said it. Ya happy fate?! Huh?! Think you're some big shot because I'm spending money on nasty tasting pharmaceuticals!? Well you can't get me down! I will chug that Dayquil and be back kicking the trash out of my finals in no time! So don't get all cocky and think you've won!!!

My body needs a break.

Confessions of a Compulsive Procrastinator

1) I've eaten anything and everything the past few days. I'm not sure why. I just constantly want food. And no, I'm not dehydrated, I drink lots of liquids and have to pee quite often, as I'm sure Stanley will attest.

2) I. LOVE. READING. Not so much of the textbook variety, though certain textbooks are so much fun to read. Like my poli-sci book for instance. No, I'm talking about regular novel, plot and story driven books. I've put this love on the back burner recently...until I borrowed Harry Potter. I received it Monday at noon and finished it last night at three. I become a complete recluse when I have a good book. I have this bad tendency to ditch out on social situations when I could be reading instead. I only stop reading so I could hang out with someone once, though I was often tempted by good friends and Oreo's. I know, I know, intense.

3) I'm over finals. Seriously. I haven't even taken any of mine yet and I'm done with them. I think it's because in my mind I know I can't really force myself to learn anything new in the few days before I take the tests, all that there is to do is review and refresh the information, and you can only spend so much time doing that before it becomes counter-productive.

4) I really enjoy my boyfriend. I think he's cute and pretty fantastic.

5) I sometimes tell people I miss them when I don't. I feel like it's an obligatory response when someone says they miss me. And unless I really DON'T miss someone, like, I'm enjoying NOT being with them I'll usually say it back to them. Odds are at some point in my life I've thought about them and gone "Oh, sad, I haven't seen them for a while. That should be changed." Because of this rationale, I do not feel saying I miss them if I don't is a lie.

6) When I tell someone I love them, I am, in a sense, saying I enjoy them, their company, and the exploits we share together. Usually this is accompanied by at least a minor interest in their life, more often than not, a major interest in their life. That being said, I've been very VERY careful not to tell anyone I'm IN love with them, as that's something entirely different to me. Though I can't say exactly how it's different. That whole IN love thing is something I'm still trying to define.

7) I am sometimes frustrated by how much I care for people and how inadequate I am at expressing said feelings.

8) I love singing. And I miss it. I'm so glad we're doing this little jam session things once a week.

9) I wish I played the piano. I feel like a failure sometimes because all I can do is sing. And play the baritone horn. But, really? The baritone horn? Yeah... At least if I played the piano I could accompany myself and others, which would be brilliant.

10) I went to Passover with Stanley last Saturday. Being with him and the service itself were both wonderful.

11) I want sushi. It's kind of a constant need. That and Thai curry. I really should learn how to make it.

12) Today, whilst sitting outside in the sun, on Stanley's U of U blanket, in a tank top, wearing my little cross necklace, I couldn't help but realize I'm not exactly the typical BYU co-ed. I don't think it's possible for me to rat my hair enough to become so.

13) I love photography. Sometimes I wish I had a camera that was actually capable of capturing the nuances that you can see with the naked eye. I also wish I was better at carrying around my camera so I could at least attempt to capture some of the beauty I see all around me. Like the other night on temple square. That would've been a beautiful picture opportunity, but alas, I fail.

14) IT'S SPRING! And by spring I mean it only snows a little bit, broken with intermittent periods of beauty and warmth! And the grass is so beautiful and green, the trees beginning to bud slightly, and the flowers are opening themselves to the warmth and growth the sun offers. *sigh* Heavenly.

15) I've officially spent a half hour typing this instead of studying my anthropology readings. I love my life :) Time to be productive and go to a review session!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Spring Break 2010

So.

Here's what I'm thinking. I'm supposed to write a paper for my PoliSci class about a policy that I want to have changed. When I heard about this assignment I knew exactly what policy it was that I wanted to change. It's a policy that's driven me insane the past two years, and that's the fact that BYU doesn't have a spring break.

I've talked to different professors about this and they all say the same thing. Around the 2nd week in March attendance drops off and those that do attend class look like zombies and participate less in class discussion. Around the end of March attendance picks up again, discussion continues and things go back to normal.

I've come across many reasons why BYU doesn't have a spring break and some of them have more validity than others. I've heard that we used to have one but because so many students got into shenanigans that were not honor code approved that they did away with it. I've heard they leave out the break so we can end our semester earlier and allow for more time at internships and jobs during the break. I've heard that because so much goes on on our campus that isn't school related (for instance, Education week which overruns this place for one week every summer) the academic schedule just doesn't allow for students to take a break off while still maintaining it's accreditation.

What I want to know is if those reasons outweigh the mental and physical benefits that would come to both students and professors if we had a break? Even just two days off around Easter or conference so students could go home or just relax for a day or two without having to worry about the next assignment that's due.

Another problem raised is that midterms happens right before the spring break should be, meaning that finals come faster and sooner than they would at any other academic institution. This causes HUGE burnout.

So.

What I'm doing right now is looking at what it takes for BYU to be accredited and how much pushing back our graduation dates and such by one week would really affect internship opportunities. Also, I need to figure out exactly who to address this problem to.

One thing I discussed with my professor is instead of labeling it as a "Spring Break" we labeled it as a campus wide service week. Classes are canceled and opportunities are set up on campus for those who choose to stay here, there are excursions to other cities and states (like Utah's Alternative Spring Break) set up through the school so students are able to branch out and experience other demographics and problems than you'd typically find here in Provo and the Happy Valley. Or, of course, if students choose to go home they can perform X amount of service (say, 10 or 15 hrs for the week) of their own choosing in their home town.

One of the aims of a BYU education is to provide students with the ability to serve and develop skills that could be useful in life. Unfortunately, a lot of students - due to time constraints between work and school - aren't able to take full advantage of the service organizations. By canceling classes for that week it alleviates those problems. Also, it creates something impressive to add to a resume for those who are planning on moving on to grad school.

Convinced? Cuz I am. :)

Ode to my body

Dear body,

Thank you so much for being amazing, even after I'm so mean to you. I don't take you out for walks and runs as often as I should, I don't stretch you often enough, don't give you enough water, and stuff far too much sugar inside of you. Thank you for sticking through it all. I promise to do better in the future and treat you like the gift you are.

-Jillian