God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on the trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars

I'm currently sitting on a LoveSac in the mansion, surrounded by people and their technology. There are six of us here, all of us are either on a computer or an I-Pod touch. Things like this always make me laugh, as we all sit here together in our own little worlds, not interacting or speaking to each other, though most of us are touching somehow.

That being said, it's been an interesting couple of days. At the beginning of the week I was not feeling the happiest, and it got worse as the week progressed. By Thursday I pretty much hated everyone and everything, but then suddenly, after I went horseback riding on Friday I felt much better. Then Saturday was blessed, I slept in, went to the park, went swimming, drank some cocoa. It was wonderful. Today I went to church, wrote in my journal, went into the park, climbed some rocks, had a potluck full of amazing food, had some good conversation, and now we're waiting to watch a movie. If we ever watch the movie.

I've been learning a lot about myself lately. I've always known what annoys me, but I didn't understand how or why things annoyed me. Lately though, I've begun to think about myself and why I get angry and it's been really helpful. It's helping me keep control of my temper much better.

Tonight I think I'm going to sleep out in the yard with Maggie, Liza, Jenny, and maybe Jessica. It should be fun.

However, I'm going to go. We're watching the movie now. :)

toodles!

-Jillian

Sometimes...

Sometimes little mercies from the Lord come in the oddest form. I'm having a bit of a rough day today, but I'm trying to keep things together while I'm at work, hawking dead animal skins. Suddenly I just know I need to listen to some Ben Folds. I go onto Pandora and click on one of my radio stations, hoping something akin to Ben Folds comes on and Fred Jones Part 2 comes on, which is probably one of the most cathartic of all of his songs, and it's the live version as well, which makes it infinitely better because it has the little pre-song conversation about Brick tagged onto the end of it. And that song right now just kind of represents my mood and how I feel.

Sometimes I feel completely superfluous and unwanted in my own life. I know this is false, that there are many people who want and appreciate me. There are just certain times when I don't feel it even though I know it.

Sometimes my mood swings are really intense. Nothing much more horrible than usual, I just think I'm noticing them more easily. Also, I'm spending my time with the same people which makes it more noticeable when I love them one moment and then an hour later I can't be in the same room with them without wanting to scream.

Sometimes I feel like I can conquer the world, memorizing dozens of languages and traveling for my entire life. Other times I wonder if I'm going to graduate with my undergrad by the time I'm 30.

Sometimes I don't notice patterns I find in myself. Like that I love hearts on clothing. I now own a scarf, shoes, a back-pack and and I used to have a sweater with multi-colored hearts on them.

Sometimes I can't help but think that if I had started saving for college my freshman year of high school that life would be easier. And I think I'm right.

Toodles.

Jillian