I’ve had many epiphanies in life. Some are more important than others. For instance, the epiphany that I didn’t actually want to pursue Musical Theatre for my livelihood and that I could indeed survive this life without ever marrying were more monumental than my epiphany that I like mangoes and not strawberries because I’m a texture person.
I’ve had an epiphany recently and I’m not sure where this falls on the importance spectrum. As I’ve been away from my family, I’ve come to think of my friends as a surrogate family, Provo and certain apartments in them as my home. I hang out with them as much as possible. They clean me up when they’re a mess, I take care of them when they’re sick, we laugh together, we cry together, we defend one another, and we love each other.
Friends are not for entertainment value. Oh, sure, there are some that you hang out with just for the fact they’re funny or crazy; they don’t know intimate details about you, you don’t know any about them. Those people are more like buddies, acquaintances that you use to take your mind of things. And sure, you may send them a funny text message every now and then, receive a random picture of an awkwardly placed calzone in return, but you still don’t know much about them. You’re emotionally detached.
Then there are those that you know a little about, enough to think of them whenever you just want a chill night at home watching a movie and making brownies. You hang out with them, joke with them, but you’d never stay up past midnight shooting the shit about politics, religion, or your past transgression or issues going on in your life. If those things came up it would be a joking matter, making fun of something or someone, making light of the monsters we’re dealing with. You can call each other up for an occasional favor, to get a ride someplace or to have someone to goof off with at the grocery store. However, they don’t know the deeper side of you.
That side is reserved for the close friends. They’re the ones that you find yourselves texting throughout the day, wondering how they’re doing and how they’re feeling. They don‘t respond with the “oh hey, I‘m fine” unless they really are. You know what’s going on in their lives because you make it your business to find out and they make it their business to tell you. You support each other, let each other know you’re cared for and important. You trust each other. You’re honest with them, but you don’t crush them, because you know them well enough to know where to draw the line. They’re the ones you can rely on to be there for you, whether it’s at four in the morning or four in the evening. They’ll answer your call or text unless they’re something that physically stops them from doing so, like being at work, in class, or helping out another friend. In that case, they’ll see what’s up as soon as they’re able. If it’s something like you were just bored they may not call you back right away, until they get their life settled (which you understand, of course, because you know the crap that’s going down in their lives as noted above) but if they really need you, you’ll be there for them, because you care about them. They may not know everything about them, but it's not because you're not willing to tell them. They just love you without having to know. You write them little notes, send them flowers on opening nights, make them birthday cakes as a surprise. This kind of friendship is irreplaceable in a persons life. They teach you about yourself, instruct you, help you to grow and develop traits that will be useful when you get married someday. These people are the ones who support you when you’ve got nothing left. They are the earthly angels Heavenly Father puts in our lives.
Then there are best friends. Best friends come along once in a rare while. Someone who - by sheer coincidence, sometimes appearing as a tender mercy of God - enters your life. They pass almost immediately through being a buddy and a friend, into the close friend stage. They include and exemplify everything that’s in that stage, and more. When you talk to them they know the perfect thing to say, they talk about themselves just the right amount and let you talk when you need to. They somehow ask the right questions to get you to think. They listen when you talk and honestly try their hardest to make your life better. They’re the kind who won’t leave you, especially not when you’re in need. You would never leave them either. To do so would cause physical and emotional pain to yourself and the other person. They support you in what you want in life, but know you well enough to tell you when they think you’re pursuing something that’s wrong for them. You build your schedule around theirs so you can accomplish everything you need to do while still taking every opportunity to see and be with them. To see them hurt makes you hurt, and you would do anything in the world if you could ever stop them from wanting to cry. They’d do all of this for you if they could. You never feel like a burden to them, because you know it would hurt them more if there was something bothering you that you didn't share with them.
I’ve had my fair share of all of these friends in my life, and am, at this point in time, lucky enough to be surrounded by an awesome group of close friends. I have an amazing best friend or two as well, but am also finding out that sometimes those you care for as a best friend sometimes don't return the feeling, which hurts. Best friends can be your same sex or different, as long as that connection is there. We’re told to marry our best friends and I definitely understand why. When you add physical attraction to a bond as close as this one, it becomes almost unbreakable (however, I would also like to note that I think if you start out with physical attraction it’s a lot harder to get to the bond found in a best friend relationship. But that’s another theory of mine entirely.)
The ability to love and care is something that sets us apart from most other creatures on this earth. You don’t often see a group of bats just hanging around, having a few laughs and talking about the deeper things of life. Our ability to create and love are what elevates us above other species - trust me, I learned that from my biology class. And while it hurts sometimes, I thank Heavenly Father for that capacity to love and be loved. These emotions that bog us down and make us feel foolish and do idiotic things at times are also what makes us close to Christ. Not only do they enable us to feel the spirit in our lives, they also allow us to feel a sliver of what Christ must feel for each of us. A love powerful enough to sacrifice ourselves for. To see the good and humanity in people and love and care for them despite their flaws and imperfections. When people say Christ is our best friend, it’s because he is. He’s always there when we need him and he loves us more than himself. We have access to that, and we should do our best to give that to other people. To be a friend, and love and teach. To support. We should never take friends for granted. We should never pass up a chance to say "hey beautiful, how's your day?" or "Dear face, I like you. Just so you know." When you think of calling them do it. When you're worried about them, let them know. No one ever despaired because they were too loved.
Friends are not for entertainment. They are for perfecting ourselves and drawing each other closer to Christ.
