Ten Top 10, as written in May 2007

10 Things I’d Rather Do Than Homework
1) Talk on the phone
2) Sleep
3) Eat food
4) Go for a walk
5) Hang out with friends
6) Lay in the grass
7) Frolic in a field
8) Clean my room
9) Do nothing
10) Play outside

9 Things That Represent Happiness
1) Chocolate
2) Scriptures
3) Hugs from good smelling guys
4) Realizing that everything happens for a reason, no matter how much it sucks
5) Heavenly Fathers wonderfulness
6) Christ’s mercy
7)Falling asleep on someone’s chest and feeling them breathe
8) Sun-shining on a calm, 65 degree afternoon
9) Learning

8 Things That Have Happened in the Past Months that Prove I’m a Klutz
1) A sprained ankle…three times
2) Mysterious bumps on the top of my shins that look kinda like inflamed shin splints
3) A scabbed up knee
4) A broken tailbone
5) A softball bruise on the front of my thigh
6) Falling off a platform - twice
7) Clipping my heel and almost biffing it during a performance
8) A burn-scar on my right-arm

7 Things that Prove I’m Fairly Random
1) I entertain myself by pondering Spanish grammar
2) I find triplets in rap music
3) I just realized the number of items on this list could be written 10! or 10 permutation.
4) I am well-known for my interpretive dance skills
5) I do cartwheels in hallways
6) I walk outside at midnight
7) I love leaving little notes on peoples cars letting them know they’re loved
6 Things I do to Entertain Myself at 6 in the Morning When I'm Making Dough
1) Moonwalk
2) Sing obnoxiously
3) Drink chocolate milk
4) Play slip-and-slide on the floor
5) Draw faces in the flour
6) Complain about other people cleaning - or not cleaning - the dough room

5 Reasons the Quarter System Sucks
1) There are only three of them in a full year. In what math class do three quarters equal a whole?
2) You can't transfer outside of Oregon without lots of trouble
3) You have finals and midterms to look forward to 3 separate times
4) You have longer classes more often
5) Learn less per credit than a semester college

4 Times La Grande Weather Sucks
1) Spring
2) Summer
3) Fall
4) Winter

3 Reasons I Hate Being on Birth Control
1) Because it makes me moody
2) Because I don't need it to protect against pregnancy since you kind of have to be having sex in order to get pregnant
3) Because it's making me fatter than usual - seriously, I'm like the Hindenburg...

2 Reasons Why I Like Spanish
1) It makes obvious sense grammatically
2) It's fun to say things like "tus ojos son azules" and make people think you're insulting or coming onto them

1 Reason I Wrote This List
1) Because I'm bored in my U.S. History class

This wasn't for you. This wasn't for anyone. It's simply the remake of a classic - Jeff's blog

So. I was realizing today when I read a little something something from one of my friends back home that I'm different up here in Jackson. A lot different. I don't think I've randomly danced once. I haven't laughed so hard I've cried, or gone on a walk or had a deep philisophical conversation. I haven't snuck out of my house once, and I am yet to buy an entire gallon of apple juice or chocolate milk and drink it straight from the container. I haven't really sung obnoxiously loud and off-key to one of my favorite CD's while making up harmonies to the songs. And most importantly, I haven't made a single-baked good to drop off at somebody's house just because I felt like doing it and that they might happen to want a cake.

What does this mean exactly? I don't know. I sure as heck hope it doesn't mean I'm growing up. I've already expressed my feelings on THAT subject. (Ironic sidenote: a lot of people up here think of me as being 20 or 21. Obviously they haven't gotten to know me very well.) What it does mean, though, is that I'm not very comfortable up here. And rightfully so. Theatre people tend to be a rather cynical, judgemental, yet oddly observant group of individuals. Throw in the fact that my normal personality - you know, the one that comes out when I'm "myself" - is rather, um, abrasive, and you might be able to understand why I'm not completely relaxed up here. Tristan's not joking when he says you need pills to handle me. Overexagerating, maybe...

So what kind of a person am I normally? Well, the first paragraph pretty much sums it up. I'm completely random. I love to do sporadic things, and by george, I think I'm hysterical. Of course I realize very few other people do. I'm fascinated by large words and love languages. Any person that can make me think automatically captures my attention. I burst randomly into song and I talk a lot. I'm slightly ADHD, and according to Dallin, become obsessed with things and can't get them out of my head. I de-stress by knitting, reading, and coloring in coloring books. Not the kind with the intricate pictures though. Those stress me out. I like the BIG ones.

Another thing. I'm usually quite an outgoing, possibly even flirtatious person at times. I haven't been flirtatious for about a year or two, so that's not a big change. But what IS a big change is that I'm not half as outgoing. Honestly, for the most part I could care less about meeting new people. Except when I do it, I love it. Usually the people I meet don't, because again, that whole abrasive personality thing comes into play, but hey, almost all of my good friends now either hated me or were scared of me when we first met. Also, if I like someone I don't let them know. I don't give compliments very often.

Which is another thing. I am actually a very mean person. It's come to me by environment, growing up in the family I did. But everything we said was always said with love. And I think that's half the problem up here. I hate saying things about people, or anything really, because I know it'll get back to the person and what I've said will be distorted and skewed to the point that it becomes rude and offensive. So while my life motto of "don't say anything you wouldn't say to that persons face" used to be helpful, it's not anymore. It's almost better to say something to the persons face. At least then it'll be 100% truthful. But saying it to the persons face takes away the funniness and the love that comes from it. So I don't say anything. And yet I still manage to talk...what can I say, I'm talented. :)

I'm quite tired. What else is there to say, aside from things at Playmill keep trudging along. We've been here for 7 weeks already. 10 more to go. If those 10 are any like the past 7, just shoot me now. Or I'll just move into Rafter J. Or into the shed at Blue House. Or back to La Grande. Whichever. Honestly though, college-aged theatre people should never be kept in such a tight area for so long. It's honestly like a cage-fight. I'm surprised no one's been physically injured yet. ...and by that I mean by another person. There have been many, many injuries already, don't get me wrong. The people here are great, we're just all stupid and very human. We all have our own fears, own desires, and our own pasts that we have to rifle through. We bring our own suitcase of issues. Some are big, some are small, some people unfold their laundry in the middle of the room, others hide it and pretend it isn't there. Who's to say which way is right or wrong? It varies from person to person on the right way to do things, what's right for that person.

I still hold that THINGS in life tend to be very simple. People don't. We take in THINGS and interpret them according to the spot we are in our lives. Then those things that used to be so simple become awkward and twisted and molded, and then those things become US, people. People are never simple. Sometimes the reason why do things are simple, or how we do things are simple, but people are never 2 dimensional. As shown by "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare Abridged" there are at least 4 parts necessary in the human mind. I can't remember what they are, but they're there.

AND I'M GOING TO BED! ...Night all.

The evening hangs beneath the moon

A silver thread on darkened doon

With closing eyes and resting head

I know that sleep is comming soon

Upon my pillow, safe in bed

A thousand pictures fill my head

I cannot sleep my minds a flight

And yet my limbs seem made of lead

If there are noises in the night

A frighting shadow, flickering light

Then I surrendor unto sleep

Where clouds of dreams give second sight

What dreams may come both dark and deep

Of flying wings and soaring leap

As I surrender unto sleep

As I surrendor unto sleep

I want to go home. I don't know why I did this, but I began reading my blogs from last summer or even towards the end of my senior year.
I miss Darcy. I miss Beckah. I miss Jeff and Katelyn and Raage. Mostly though, I miss US. I miss having people to talk to about anything and everything. I miss not having to pause and think "wait, do I have to talk about this or can I just hold it in so I don't embarrass myself?" I miss being able to have deep emotional and philisophical conversations without making an effort. I miss fully trusting the people I'm around.
Two days ago the person I trusted the most was injured in a car crash. She's probably going home now and the little world of comfort and security that I'd built here collapsed in on me. I'm so glad she's going to be alright though. I'm so glad that we were able to be roomates for the time we were and that I got to know her.
We were so lucky back then to have the group we had last summer. It feels like forever ago, but here I'm typing it...last summer. 12 months ago. 1 year. It feels like so much longer. I swear that no matter where or who you are, you've never quite had a group of friends like mine. We haven't been together in one group in one place since Beckah left the end of senior year, but I still love every single one of those people. I mean, obviously we've changed. Raage and I hardly even talk anymore, Jeff's occupied with his girlfriend, Katelyn actually hangs out with us now, Mollie's with a different guy and Darcy's been through a tough year of school. But they're still the people I'd go to if I had an emergency that needed to be taken care of.
So much can change in one year. A lot of people like the song Seasons of Love because they think it's "cool" or something. I like it because it has a killer woman's solo in it (hey, it's the truth) and the meaning of it is so awesome. A year is what you make it. And man, this year has been one wild ride. And if the first 4 weeks are any way to judge, the next 3 months are going to be wild as well.
Already I've experienced so many emotional highs and lows - usually within a few hours of each other. For instance today; I had an emotional breakdown of sorts (it'd been building up for three or four weeks, and the past two days and blew it over the top) and because of that I gave one of the most real performances of my life. Now, granted, I would love to NEVER do that again (I am, usually, a fairly unemotional person. I don't cry in public and until today I think you could count on two hands the number of people who have seen me cry since I hit puberty). I don't know though. Everything happens for a reason.
To coast smoothly thorugh life would be wonderful...but then it wouldn't be life. Life is a roller coaster with turns and twists and spirals that make you so confused and dizzy you don't quite know which way is up. Sometimes you feel like throwing up and sometimes you feel like you're flying.
And wow...I should never be on Facebook late at night. It always gets me philosiphising and making horrible analogies. Plus it eats into my sleep time. Night all.