Never Let Go...

I can’t understand it

The search for an answer

Is met with a darker day

And we’ve been handed these moments

Forever

But I’m reassured

There’s another way

You don’t have to close your eyes

There is room for love again

Ease the pain to realize

All that love can be
Forced apart by time and sand

Take a step

And take my hand

And don’t let it go

Never let go

Broken, once connected

We were so strong and so blessed

In a simple way

So don’t let me go it alone

Turn your head up to the sky

Nothing down below but me

Face the truth to realize

All that we could be

Torn apart by rage and fear

Hold on to what brought you here

Don’t let it go

Never let go

Hold your head up to the sky

Nothing down below but me

Face the truth and realize

All that we could be
Turn your head up to the sky

Nothing down below

Don’t let go

-Josh Groban

I'm going to hit you in the face with a George Foreman grill

Okay, so I didn't really come up with that one. I wasn't even there or invovled in the making of this quote. I just heard about it. Ten to one it's not even right. But oh well. It was either that or something like the one I did last time I blogged.

So, my head hurts. A lot. In case you guys don't know (even though I'm pretty sure all of you do) the night I wrote that last blog I smacked my head on the floor and gave myself a concussion. It's great. The screen is almost too bright for me. Amazingly though, I think I'm getting better. I went and looked at my pupils in the mirror a few minutes ago, and they're not fluctuating in size as much as they were before.

Basically I'm just wasting time right now until we go over and get the keys from Katelyn's pastor. Apparenlty he knows me. I guess from Track probably. Weird. I was pretty sure he had absolutly no idea who I was. He probably only knows me as that one girl that distracted Raage. That's a great impression.

I want to go do something. Something that involves food mostly. I think I'm dehydrated, because all I want is food. And I realize that's makes almost no sense. I want to watch a movie too. Jeff showed us a preview for a movie called "the Fountain" and I really want to see it. It's rated R though, so maybe I'll get it through clean flicks, because it looks absolutely gorgeous.

I want to go running or actually start being able to do something. I'm supposed to be weeding, but right now it's not going to happen. My mom won't let me run and usually I don't have enough time or energy to weed. I've been feeling pretty anemic lately, which is understandable, considering.

And what is the purpose of this blog. Mostly to waste time. Raage's sitting on the other couch reading, Katelyn's playing some Enya over on the piano, I'm typing and singing along with Jeff.

I want to be able to do stuff. Unfortunately, I know that if I'm going to get better I have to sleep more. But with my work schedule and the fact that I want to hang out with people, it just seems like I don't have any time to do anything.

And I'm whining now, so I think I'm going to sign off.

Toodles!

-Jillian

...well, I'm completely dried-up for quotes...

So.

Here I am again, sitting at my dad's computer, plunking away at the keys. Except this time I can see them. The wonder of contacts!

I don't like money. It causes so much stress! Seriously, here I am, an 18 year old just trying to get through school without raking up too much debt, yet still trying to get the things needed, like laptops and, you know, food and other somewhat important stuff like that. It never seems to work though! I'm super duper frustrated! I mean, I went shopping today because I needed a new sports bra (I bought two, extra-extra support) and running shoes so I can actually start doing some physical stuff, plus I had to buy a bunch of food for Jenny's bridal shower, which is on Tuesday. I spent about $55 bucks today, and I still managed to forget to get a notebook for an advice/memory book for the shower.

And on a completely different note, I just looked out the window, and saw Evylyn sucking face with her boyfried.

Ew. Ew, ew, ew.

Ope, they're still doing it. I don't think I'm going to be turning around any time soon. Because, like, seriously, it's completely revolting. I don't like watching people kiss passionately/suck face/exchange saliva anyway, but when it's someone you know, plus it's Evylyn. *shudders*

I'm such a mean person. Bad Jillian, Bad!

So I'm thinking about taking another class. Like one at 8 on Tuesday and Thursday or something. I think I'll actually log on and look into that. It's funny, because I'm taking as many or more courses than a lot of the people I know, but I still feel like I'm taking the easy way out. None of the classes are that hard. Oh well. Whatcha gonna do? *breaks into song* the king likes Daniel more than me and you!.

Okay, that's over. I hope Mollie got it at least.

I've had a fun last couple of days. I've missed hanging out with Jeff and Katelyn and Mollie. Especially when they're together. Seriously, it becomes the "who can shout louder than whom" competition.

I think I can win.

EW! THEY'RE STILL DOING IT! It's seriously been ten or fifteen minutes. Geesh. At least do it somewhere where people can't see.

Anyway, I'm going to sign off and look at classes.

Toodles!

-Jillian

I'll wanton your face - Jeffney Van Pickle

I dont' know if I've spelt wonton right. I don't know, I don't write Chinese very often.

Anyway, here I sit with my face only a few inches from the screen because I'm not wearing my glasses. And I'm also wearing lots of make-up and Indian war paint. You've got to love doing shows.

I want to write a book. I have no idea what it's going to be about, probably not about anything real, because my life is pretty boring. Now, granted, Jeff and I have decided that working at Bear Mountian could be turned into a Soap Opera/Reality Show (Oh No! Someone ordered Corn Meal and we gave them regular! Whatever shall we do?! Enter Max, wearing a Jolly, Santa-Clause-esque smile, and says: We don't do that here! We just don't. He slams down a bag of dough, causing silence through the back...only Harold keeps making Pizza, because the only way he'd finish one a night is if he works continuously.) Ah...I don't think anyone might get that, except possibly me and Jeffney, and I don't even know if Jeffney would get it. But as for the book? I don't know, I think I'm just writing computer deprived lately. I should probably write in my journal.

Hm, anything else? Not really. Life goes on as normal. I'm doing a show, working, and trying to spend time with friends. Darcy's officially gone now. I'm sad that I didn't really take advantage of the fact that she was here. It seemed like if I wasn't at work, I was at rehersal, and if I wasn't there, I was at home doing something useful, like cleaning, or sleeping. I thought about calling her up, but something else always stole my time. I think this means I should prioritize better.

Isha's at the show tonight! I miss that girl. She lives all the way out in Union! And I hate to say it, driving to Cove is a much prettier drive than to Union. But she's here, so she'll probably go to Denny's with us afterwards. Happiness! Mollie might come too, which is also happiafying (pronoucned Happy-a-fy-ing)

I could probably write other stuff on here, but it makes me sound like a goober. Just thoughts on life and some fears that I already thought I'd dealt with, but apparently not, because they're resurfacing. I'll probably talk to Jeffney or Mollie or Raage about them.

Man, squinting at the screen has made my eyes super tired. I can't wait until Monday when mi mama goes and gets me contacts!

For now, to avoid a massive headache, I bid you all goodnight!

Toodles!

-Jillian

p.s. I've now decided my name is to be spelled Jililan, because it looks cooler.

September...

It begins in a forest where woodchucks woo

And leaves wax green,

And vines entwine like lovers, try to see it.

Not with your eyes, for they are wise,

But see it with your ears:

The cool green breathing of the leaves.

And hear it with the inside of your hand:

The soundless sound of shadows flicking light.

Celebrate sensation.

Recall the secret place.

You've been there, you remember;

That special place where once - just once -

In your crowded sunlit lifetime,

You hid away in shadows from the tyranny of time.

That spot beside the clover

Where someone's hand held your hand

And love was sweeter than berries

Or the honey

Or the stinging taste of mint.

It is September before a rainfall -

A perfect time to be in love.

- The Fantasticks