Random Word Vomit

The City that Runs on Escalators and Coffee...

2012-01-13T10:12:00.000-08:00

So far in DC I have:

Been hit in the head with bubble gum

Started a call and response during a parade in the southeast quadrant/ghetto of DC

Fallen down a flight of stairs

Lost my metro card/had my metro card stolen

Wore patriotic beads in a parade

Seen some unattractive transvestites

Gotten lost in the Rayburn Building tunnels and, subsequently the Longworth and Cannon tunnels - several times

Cried in the American history museum

Seen a part of the World Trade Centers, part of the Berlin Wall, and the hat Lincoln wore when he was assassinated

Corrected my supervisor on the founding of the United States

Failed at making copies

Sorted through 200 faxes

Visited the Washington and Lincoln monuments

Explored the WWII memorial

Learned the Smithsonian is not, in fact, one museum, but rather several different museums

Visited the White House

Toured the Library of Congress

Tripped several times while walking down the street - on nothing, or sometimes a stray brick.

Worn heels EVERY DAY at work

Eaten at Georgetown Cupcakes; and yes, that is the Georgetown Cupcakes from the TLC show DC Cupcakes

Visited the Federal Circuit Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia

Had a wonderful dinner where I was able to socialize with my office

And so much more...

Needless to say it's been a very, very busy 9 days, and I am so excited for the next 13 weeks!

I would like to apologize; my ability to blog is limited by the fact I am working with government and even being lectured by governmental figures. We've been given explicit information that we are not to talk or share what we learn or discuss at our jobs or are lectures.

Alright, I've got to get up in 7 hours, so I'm heading to bed. Keep your eyes peeled on Facebook for some more pictures and updates!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Just for the record...

2011-11-16T00:45:00.001-08:00

Mixing cough syrup with codeine and Mt. Dew is not the best plan when you have stomach ulcers.

Just in case any of you were tempted to try, I thought I'd give you the heads up.

Toodles!

-Jillian

Pre-Thanksgiving update

2011-11-13T16:35:00.001-08:00

Well, I have an upper-respiratory tract infection and the doctor is pretty sure I have ulcers. More on that later.

As of now, I have completed (to the point of needing maybe another hour of work to perfect) 2 papers.

Before Thanksgiving, I have yet to complete: an 18 page rough draft (again, hopefully needing only 4 or 5 hours of perfecting), a 12 page paper, and a 5 page paper.

During Thanksgiving, I need to complete: a 5-page paper on an interview that has yet to take place, an 8 page biography, and an 8 page book analysis.

That sounds a bit intense for 5 days, I know. But I think I can do it.

After all that, I only have another round of edits on the 18 pager (this is my Senior Capstone, in case you didn't know), another round on my already finished paper, and another 12 pager.

Oh. And finals.

I feel like I should be more stressed about this than I am. Maybe I'm just over it. Or maybe I'm just thinking about all the small things I've accomplished in the last few days and am feeling pretty good about myself. Who knows. Either way, 6 weeks and I will be done with my last semester at BYU. It's a little freaky.

Toodles!

-Jillian

2011-11-09T14:38:00.000-08:00

This is what I feel like right now...

However, because I am a student, this is what I look like right now...

Yup...apparently it's that time of year where my body decides it hates me. It all started Sunday evening. I was eating fajitas at the Macaroni Grill family dinner when I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Not horribly so, just a uneasy to the point that I put my tortilla filled with happiness back down on my plate. I went to bed that night thinking I'd feel better in the morning.

I did. Sorta. My stomach was still a little uneasy, but I blamed that on the ulcer's that I've suspected I have. However, as the day progressed and Monday night rolled around my stomach was rolling too. I had had amazing plans to be productive and get a lot of work done. Instead, I spent a lot of it trying to figure out how to position myself so I would be in the least amount of pain and typing fairly nonsensical things in lieu of strong arguments in a paper. I didn't end up falling asleep until 1am, hoping I'd feel better enough in the morning to make it to my 8am class.

Again, this didn't happen. I woke up a little before 7, and while my stomach was hurting as badly, it was still an unhappy little organ. So, knowing my friend Madeline could give me notes, I went back to sleep for a few hours, knowing I'd have to wake up for a phone interview later on.

When I woke up at 9, my stomach felt, if not better, at least less shaky. I went to Smith's and bought some ginger ale and crackers and began my productivity. That productivity lasted through an interview, class, readings, bibliography writings, and a fun break for Crazy Bread, until around 9 pm. Suddenly my head started hurting. No, not hurting, THROBBING. It started in my neck, just below and behind my ears and moved all the way up to the sides. Whenever I moved it got worse. My chest started randomly feeling hollow and I started coughing - which did NOT help the headache. My stomach was still feeling a little solid, though uneasiness had started to seep in as well. I gave in at 11, gave up trying to do work, and went to bed.

Waking up today, my stomach felt pretty good - not perfect, but at least I didn't feel the need to stop moving. Well, I did feel that need, but only because anytime I did anything to get my heart pumping, I the giant hammers in my head start pounding away again. This has continued through most of the day. However, there's very little I can do about it.

I have no idea what's wrong with me, but it's starting to piss me off, mostly because I just don't have time for it. SERIOUSLY. Because I've got a lot of shiz going on, and I CAN get it all done, assuming I power through.

So you know what, body? I WILL finish that paper tonight, and I will finish grading those papers and re-take that quiz. And tomorrow I will research and write the outline and write my past-participant interview paper. And on Friday I will code and go to the meeting and work on my paper and go to work, and this weekend I WILL write my 20 page paper, therefore freeing up time to write my Argentine History paper next week. I CAN GET IT ALL DONE!

I CAN HAVE IT ALL!!!!!

Please note that the above is a really awesome 30 Rock reference. Imagine Tina Fey saying that while showing a meatball sandwich into her face, which is covered with tomato sauce. Classic!

Thank you.

-Jillian

Las Vegas, or "You know you've got great seats when you're closer than Wayne Newton"

2011-10-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, I recently took a 36 hour road-trip to Las Vegas. Not for the normal college-student reason, of course. We went to go volunteer. At a political debate. Kind of nerdy, but so much fun!

We left Provo at 7:30 (we were supposed to leave at 7 but Jordan forgot his shoes and then Brandall tried to give Katie directions to Alissa's house and we spent 15 minutes driving around a parking lot...no joke). It already felt so late at night, but we were too excited to care.

Me and Brandall (with Alissa and David in the background) just so excited to head down!

The drive didn't end up being too bad. We stopped over in Fillmore to get gas, grab munchies, and switch drivers. Overall though, there was a lot of music, laughter, singing, and headbanging. And, as always happens when the kids eat sugar and run around, we all fell asleep while watching Amazing Grace. There's just something about that "sitting in the car" feeling that's so darn soothing...

Jordan so excited to play chauffeur/papa

Fun with food

The Gang in the back!

Thanks to our handy GPS who changed the route whenever we hit construction or got lost, we arrived in Las Vegas around 12 am PST. We stayed at Katie's brother's house down there and they were so nice! Her sister-in-law let us in and gave us cookies before she ushered us to bed.

But not before we snapped a "we're so tired but we're HERE!!" picture

We got up the next morning around 8 and Katie's sister had made us delicious french toast. I spent most of the time scrambling to finish up my cover letters while we all just enjoyed a more leisurely morning before we headed for lunch at the strip.

Having breakfast down below

Jordan went to go visit his cousin who had had just had a baby, so it left the six of us to wander around Vegas for a little while and snap some awesome pictures.

Herman Cain and Wolf Blitzer! ...Seriously though, what kind of a name is Wolf Blitzer?

After a quick lunch at the Grand Lux (I had a seared ahi tuna salad with avacado and ginger - so good!) we scrambled to get to the conference center and meet up with my contact. We found her, but then spent the next hour sort of standing around waiting for the thing to start. While waiting we avoided the Nevada College Republicans who looked a little douchey and awkward and instead hung out with four little old ladies. They were so wonderful. I think Jordan actually fixed one of their phones.

Outside the Conference hall. Such a good looking group!

We were eventually herded into an absolutely huge cement and metal room where the debate hall was set up. Literally, it was set up inside the big empty room. Essentially it was just a bunch of taunt backdrops set up to make it look like an official debate hall. It was amazing.

We were divided into groups and then put at tables with a giant master list. Our jobs were to look through the list, compare the names on there to the persons ID and then give them a properly colored wrist band before they went through the metal detectors. That was it. That's all we had to do. It wasn't difficult and took maybe an hour and a half and then we got to go see the debate for FREE!

Inside the debate hall. Which wasn't really a hall. But still.

Somehow Jordan and I lucked out and found ourselves sitting in the very front row. Like, literally, the front. Meaning Rick Perry and I had a stare down and I spoke to Anderson Cooper about his shirt and tie combination. I was actually concerned I was going to flash the candidates if I shifted in my skirt wrong.

The debate itself was amazing! You could feel the energy from the crowd and the fire of the candidates. It was also great to see how the candidates acted when the camera's were off them. Michelle Bachmann kept going backstage during the commercial breaks, Mitt Romney went into the crowd every time. They shook each others hands, and joked and laughed about things that had been said during the debate. Some of it might have been forced, but even the show of civility was nice.

Afterwards, all of us met up again and pretty much just floated out of the conference center on cloud 9! We were supposed to volunteer at the V.I.P. reception after the debate, but due to some mix ups with the master list (some VIPs were listed as regular, even though they had paid $800 extra) so the WRLC people were going to be working the reception to smooth things over. We were okay with that, mostly because as it was we would be making it back to Provo at 3 in the morning. Besides, it gave us some time to actually enjoy the strip as more than half of us hadn't been there before.

Our "we're cool and allowed into the debate" wristbands

After a quick semi-decent clothing swap in the car, we were dressed in normal clothes and ready to take Las Vegas by storm. We had decided the 2 things we wanted to do were have gelato and watch the fountains at the Bellagio. So we all loaded into the car and headed over.

Jumping off the fountains in front of the Bellagio

The ladies...

Watching the fountains

Best friends in Paris! Or Vegas. Same Thing.

Everything was so much fun! We got lost in the hotel/casino's (seriously...you'd think the exit sign would mean you can exit from there. You can't.) took some fun pictures, at gelato, lusted after the chocolate fountain, and rode on lots and lots of escalators. But, with all good things, they must come to an end. Especially because we all had class the next day. So, with satisfied souls we loaded into the car and started the drive back to Provo.

But not before we decided to blast music and stick our bodies outside of the sun roof while driving down the strip...

You can't go to Vegas and not do something of questionable legality...

We stopped in Mesquite to grab some food and some gas, and from there it was back to Provo.

So excited to have had this experience together!

Once again, Jordan drove while the rest of us slept. And lest we forget, we actually listened to the debate again so we could listen to the commentary from the political pundits. It was interesting to compare the opinions of those listening or watching to ours who were actually there to experience it.

Somehow Jordan managed to get us from Vegas to Provo (usually a 5 and a half hour drive) in a little less than 4 hours. It was amazing! We all unloaded, said good-bye, and went our separate ways.

Home safe and happy at last!

However, it was an experience I know we will never forget!

Things that I say

2011-10-04T23:24:00.000-07:00

Here's a slight taste of things I have said in the last 24 hours:

"Alissa, you look like a Canadian today."

"Man...I really wore the wrong underwear for this job."

And, my personal favorite, "I have 3 sores in my mouth. I wonder if it's because my diet's consisted of caramel corn for the last 2 days."

The best part it, they may or may not have made sense in the context of the conversation.

Toodles!

-Jillian

Feminist reflections on Costa Rica

2011-10-03T14:34:00.000-07:00

After glossing over the syllabus for my Modern Latin American History class during our first lecture, I couldn’t help but notice one glaring exemption – Costa Rica was not mentioned anywhere; not in the quiz schedule, not in the lecture material, not in any of the readings or the study guides. When I asked the Professor why this was he shrugged and explained that when studying history we tend to focus our attention on the countries with turbulent pasts; countries with wars, revolutions, class struggles, and events we can analyze. This was understandable, especially in a class that covered such a large area over such a large period of time. Compared to Argentina, Brazil, and Mexico, Costa Rica had it easy. They had been a stable functioning democracy since the short-lived “revolution” in 1948, and even before then they were a fairly established, independent, self-governing society. I asked about its tourism industry, knowing the professor specialized in the history of tourism and that Costa Rica was renowned for its beautiful black and white sand beaches, good surfing, and laid back Rastafarian atmosphere. He shrugged again. As far as tourism went, Costa Rica was doing it right. They weren’t compromising their majestic cloud or rainforests, polluting their waters, or isolating their land into privately owned resorts, but rather preserving them through ecologically friendly efforts. Their culture, being heavily influenced by the United States and typical Western culture, was already friendly and accessible to American and European tourists alike.

While we were having this conversation, I was overly aware of my wrist where my favorite souvenirs from my time in the land of “Pura Vida” were tied: two simple bracelets – one bought from a street side artisan vendor in the city of San Jose and another given to me by the Nicaraguan refugee children I taught in the slum of Carpio, just east of the capital. While I couldn’t help but agreeing with a lot of what he was saying, I also knew from the six weeks I had just spent in that country that Costa Rica had its own demons it was still fighting.

The largest of these was the Latin idea of machismo. Prevalent in many Latin American countries, Costa Rica was no exception. For the most part, women are expected to stay in the home and raise the children, especially in the more rural areas away from San Jose. In that way, staying at home as a woman became a social symbol. If you had a husband with a good enough job that allowed you to stay home, you would. During our six week stay, we lived with a Tico family of four in the suburb of San Pedro. The mother, Duerin, stayed at home while the father, Oscar, worked two jobs to support the family. He was gone before we left the house at 7 each morning and returned well after we had retired to our bedrooms around 9 that evening. She did all of the cooking, cleaning, and chores around the house – except on the weekend. On the weekends the social order seemed to be turned on its head. Oscar seemed to get home from work early and would not only take those two days to play and take of their two children, Pamela and Samuel, but after every meal he would do the dishes and help clean up after the meals. A few houses down the road, where my friend Stanley was staying with Oscar’s parents, every weekend signaled the Papa Tico that it was his turn to wake up early and make breakfast to give his wife a break from cooking every morning. According to Stanley, his gallo pinto (a traditional breakfast dish made from rice, onion, black beans and other spices) was even better than his wife’s.

However, in the urban center it was not unusual to see women – especially younger women - walking to and from the banks where they were tellers, or from the many hospitals downtown where they were performing their residencies to become nurses. Teaching seemed to be an occupation dominated by women. In the school where I volunteered, there were only four males on the staff of 50– one of which was the principal. Very rarely were these women married, meaning a majority of the women I interacted with had either never been married or had been divorced. Take for instance, Ruth, one of the English teachers we volunteered with. When I was there, she was putting herself through school at the local university and teaching during the day, while raising three children as a single mother because her husband had an affair and left her a few years before. This kind of family dynamic is becoming the norm. With single-mother- headed households on the rise in Costa Rica, it is hard to see where women - who are traditionally kept out of the work force because of familial obligation - will fit into the economic system. Because of this 24% of mother-only families are below the poverty line, especially those in the rural area, outside of San Jose. They tend to take jobs at maids, cleaners and other forms of work with subservient pay and unstable job retention. And, due to its legal practice in the country, some women become prostitutes.

Luckily, I only had one run-in with this practice in the six weeks I lived in the country. A group of friends and I were walking a few blocks north of the central avenue, in a more posh area of the city. There were European style hotels that obviously catered to a higher tourist clientele, and on the corner by a Swill style chateau there were two women clearly dressed to signal their profession. We were a little shocked, especially because a cop car was parked a few blocks away and our American sensibilities were telling us that the cop car should be arresting them, or at least telling them to scatter. It wasn’t until later when I did a little research that I realized where they were located was no accident. While Tico men frequent prostitutes, sex tourism is a large source of the industry. Men from other countries come to Costa Rica for the explicit purpose of having sex with a Tica (while women come from other countries as well, a significant majority of sexual tourists to Costa Rica are men). Unfortunately, it has also created an off-shoot of illegal child prostitution. Thankfully the Costa Rican government has cracked down on this practice in the last few years, but there were signs throughout the community that showed it was still an issue. Driving to my project everyday on the bus there was a billboard with a pair of sad, brown eyes looking out at you. Underneath it reads “I am not a tourist attraction.” If that wasn’t jarring enough, the first thing you see when you exit the ‘international arrivals’ gate at the San Jose airport is a cardboard cutout of a police officer holding a sign that says “having sex with a minor (under 18 years) is illegal.” However, this is made difficult by the legality of prostitution for those over the age of 18 as differentiated between the over 18 and under 18 line can be difficult. The United States had aided in attempting to halt their citizens from practicing child prostitution by making it a federal crime to have sex with a minor in another country, and hopefully the Costa Rican government will continue to reduce this occurrence of this practice.

American and other western influences are seen in other areas of society. Fashion and style trends are very similar to what is seen in the American media. Women are never seen out in public without full-make-up and heels. Whether going to the movie or to the market, women always wear heels. All clothes, including women’s medical scrubs are tailored to show of female curves. American media has also changed the perception of American women in the country. Without fail, unless I was walking with Stanley, and even sometimes when I was with Stanley, I would get shouted or whistled at by Tico men on the street. Female volunteers were repeatedly told never to go anywhere by ourselves or with another girl at night and were given a very strict dress code. While Tica’s consistently wore low-cut shirts, short skirts, and no sleeves, we were told to have our knees, shoulders, and chests covered at all times. Even with those guidelines, there were still some issues of intense sexual harassment.

That being said, there were some less obvious differences, some good and some not. While travelling in the tourist city of La Fortuna, we were waiting for the bus back to San Jose, and a woman sat there breast-feeding her baby in public with no cover. It happened again in downtown San Jose in the Plaza del Oro. The women didn’t receive any odd looks as if it were a completely normal occurrence. This was starkly different from the US where a women breast-feeding in public, even with a cover, is bound to get judgmental looks. However, in a less positive vein, the first time I saw a woman with obvious signs of having been physically abused, I was sad to realize I was the only one who seemed disturbed by the bruises on her arms, cheeks, and eyes. The second time I saw this I noticed the same thing - I was the only one on the bus obviously disturbed by this. Or course, it could mean several different things. It could be that there was a social stigma against openly staring at a woman who was abused. It could be that it happened so often that other people, including other women, did not notice it anymore. It could also mean that, as these women were Nicaraguan immigrants (once derogatorily described to me as ‘the Mexicans of Costa Rica’ by a native Tico) that ‘their’ abuses weren’t worth caring about because they were already draining money from the system. In any case, this indifference was incredibly disturbing and left me feeling unsettled for days afterwards.

At the WomanStats project we have a saying: “once a coder, always a coder.” You’re trained to see the world and its anecdotes as data points that display an overarching attitude of a country. By experiencing Costa Rica through this lens, I realized how important this project is to humanity across the globe. There are many, many good things about Costa Rica – in fact, the good outweigh the bad. The people are happy, have a stable government, and a strong sense of religious community and social and ecological responsibility. I could not begin to count the number of times I saw men and boys stand up on the bus so a woman with a small child or an elderly person could have their seat; likewise not a week would go by without me witnessing a total stranger reaching out to help take care of or comfort a child that was not their own. However, there are some things that need fixing as well. The goal for the country and its citizens now is to keep the good while purging itself of the bad.

Deadlines...

2011-09-28T00:56:00.000-07:00

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...

Not going to lie, feeling a little stressed right now. I've got 3 deadlines approaching this week and I don't feel nearly prepared for them.

Tomorrow (Thursday) is the deadline for Washington Seminar and I'm still working on my letter of intent as well as editing my writing sample.

I have a prospectus due on Friday that I need to get an A on.

Also on Friday my very first WomanStats blog post is due for work. Plus my family's coming into town that weekend so I need to be caught up on my homework.

Pressure's on...

Arenal - also known as "do we really want to sell out for air conditioning and a pool?"

2011-07-12T18:08:00.000-07:00

The answer to that question was a yes. An emphatic yes.

This last weekend, Stanley and I headed off to Arenal to have some rest and relaxation. For some reason, week 3 had been a little more stressful than the rest, and we were excited to have some chill down time. You know, look at a volcano, visit some hot springs, the usual stuff.

Because of the desire to have a relaxed weekend, combined with the fact that I wasn't feeling too hot the previous week, we managed to end up going, just the two of us, which turned out to be really nice for several reasons.

The first reason being we ended up having to take a day off work to go - something that's hard to do with a large group of people. Because of how the bus schedule works, there are no afternoon buses that go from San Jose to Arenal. The past few weekends it's always been: get off work at noon, catch a bus between 2-3. Unfortunately, the only buses left at 6:15, 8:40, and 11:45. So instead of leaving Friday afternoon we left early Saturday morning with the plan to come back Monday afternoon, meaning we wouldn't be rushed and would really be able to kick back and relax. We cleared it with our projects and Maximo and we were set.

The second reason this was really nice was this place:

Luigi's Hotel/Casino/Restaurant/Bar/Discotheque. Yeah, we stayed here.

Don't judge. As usual, we got off the bus and the first thing on our to-do list was find a hostel. We had scoped it out before and while there were cheaper options, upon viewing them - and realizing just how awful and sticky it was there - we decided we'd splurge a little. We had budgeted $14 a night if we wanted to stay at the Arenal Backpacker's Hostel which was our back-up place and had a pool. However, a lot of people we knew from Maximo were going to stay there, and while we love them we wanted to be able to just veg and exist as opposed to running around and doing activities with everyone. So instead, we stayed at the above mentioned place for $25 a night. Not per person, that's per room. So Stanley and I, instead of paying $14 a night for a bed in a giant dorm room, ended up paying $12.50 a night for our own private room that - and this is what sold is in the end - had air-conditioning!!! The pool was a fun perk, but we didn't end up using it all that often as it was dominated by loud, splashing 3-12 year olds a majority of the time. However, the A/C? Oh...we more than got our money's worth on that!!

So after finding this gem of a place (which was a fluke, really. We were looking at a cartoon map of the city and some random guy comes up and asks what we're looking for. We tell him we're looking at hostel's and he's like "this place is nice." SPIRIT GUIDES!!!) we do our typical thing: buy lunch supplies and figure out what we want to do on this trip. There were 3 things we really wanted to do in La Fortuna/Arenal. 1) see a waterfall, preferably the waterfall. 2) see the volcano. And 3) go to the hot springs that existed because of the volcano. So on our way to and from the grocery store (where I discovered and fed my ridiculous love of Tang) we discussed various options for tours, finally deciding on doing the lazy one - meaning the one where we hiked as little as possible. While we weren't able to see the big waterfall - which had lost some of it's allure when we realized we couldn't really swim there - and we weren't going to a hot spring resort, we were going to the river where the hot springs got their water from, walking on hanging bridges, seeing a smaller waterfall that you could swim at, and getting to see the volcano, all with a guided tour. Also, the guy we booked it with told us about a free local watering hole where the ticos went to go swimming and cliff-diving, plus it had a Tarzan swing.

With all this information in mind, we sat out by the pool reading for a while before finally deciding to head out for dinner. While I can't remember the name of the soda we went to, we had seen it in Lonely Planet and were very excited to go. When we got there we were a little stressed. As server's we can tell when the wait staff is a little over their head, and trust me, this chica was. She was serving probably 30 people - and she was the only one. However, she was super nice and was effective in that she took our orders and made our delicious fruit smoothies. So while we had something to sip on, we were still waiting a while for our food. We've learned to bring playing cards with us during these experiences, but in the hustle to leave the blissfully cool hotel room, we had forgotten. Instead, we were armed only with my camera, which we put to good use:

Yeah...this happened. Instead of sitting there awkwardly like most people would do, we took various pictures of ourselves, going back and forth, portraying different emotions or experiences. 10 points if you can name 1/2 of what these photos are.

Don't worry, we also built things with the ketchup and mayo packets. Like a little "log cabin." Finally though, the food arrived, and it was divine. Definitely one of the better choices we have made. Stanley had bleu chicken and I had nachos con pollo y carne. By the time we left we were happy fat kids once more.

The next day dawned bright and early, and after a breakfast of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, we decided to head out and find the local watering hole. It was about a 20 minute walk from our hotel, though it was a bit longer on the way there and we were trying to find it. However, once we saw it, we knew we had made a good choice.

The local watering hole as seen from above

It actually was that beautiful!

We got there around 10 am, and the only other people there were 2 American girls and 2 ticos who clearly came here a lot. They were climbing and diving. So Stanley and I had to join in.

Stanley posing as he lets go of the Tarzan swing

Jumping into the waterfall. Don't even worry about it, guess who forgot their actual swim suit and board shorts? That's right, THIS guy!! Luckily I had stuff for less intense swimming that made due...

This little dog was legit.

So, story time. You'd think with all the dogs running around like crazy, people would be less likely to let their dogs run amok for fear of them running off. Not so. Rather, I think they're so careless with them because if they do run off or get hurt they can readily find a replacement. Take this dog, for instance. Around 11:30 or so, these 4 teenage ticos showed up with this little puppy in tow. They quickly shed their over garments and ran - literally - across the rocks and dove in like pros, leaving this white little dog to sort of scitter around. I had already had to rescue a little dog who was stuck on a rock in the river and was not liking how this dog was poking around the very edges of the cliff with a tumultuous river 10 or 15 feet below.

At first, when one of the boys came back to grab the puppy, I felt relief. They were going to take him to the bottom of the river bank where he could splash in the puddles and enjoy himself. However, instead of carrying him down, the boy does just what this picture shows. He lowered the pup down to a lower cliff, wagged a stick in front of its face, and then threw the stick in the water. When the pup didn't immediately follow the stick, having lost it in the turning of the waterfall, the boy took the puppy and threw him in the river! Not going to lie, I freaked out a little bit. However, the dog resurfaced, stick in tow, and paddled his little way over to the bank where he continued to skitter around the rocks as nimbly as his human counterparts.

Necessary Chaco picture

Stanley mid-back-flip off one of the cliffs

We splashed around until 12:30 or so before we decided we needed to start heading back to our hotel to get ready for our tour. So, happy and soaking, we took our leave of the, now busy, swimming hole.

Along the way, we saw the most beautiful tree! It looked more like it belonged on some African nature documentary than in the middle of a Costa Rican field, but it was beautiful, nonetheless.

So, after a quick lunch on the floor of our deliciously chilly hotel room, we walked down to the hotel lobby to wait for our shuttle that would take us on the tour. After picking up a few more people, our 10 passenger van was filled to the brim and we took off towards the cloud shrouded volcano. At the entrance of the park though, our tour guide and driver, Luis, pulled off to the side and could be seen climbing a tree. We had no idea what was going on until he showed up with this little gem.

Obviously, I was not pleased. Cuz here's the thing, I'm okay with bugs as long as I know they won't touch me. So like on a documentary or something. However, when they're free ranging all up in my business I immediately start imagining how it could fly at my face and how I would freak out and probably kill it or it could kill me. Those are the only two options. Stanley, however, was a bit more brave...

That is, until Luis decided to make the bug move...

...then Stanley lost his cool a little bit. I was lucky enough to take a picture at just the right moment.

So after Luis put the bug back into the tree we headed up to the official observatory platform where we got our first looks of the volcano and the lake, which we promptly decided was where Hogwarts was actually located.

You can almost see the Hogwarts Express coming around that bend...

Necessary tourist photo in front of the shrouded volcano

After a little while there we hiked into the cloud forest - which is the same cloud forest we trekked into when we were at Monteverde, just the opposite side - heading towards a waterfall. Along the way, Luis pointed nature things out like the Citronella plant and sugar cane leaves. Overall, it was a super nice hike and we started talking with our fellow tourists, who were actually 3 couples and 2 other girls. All of us were excited for the falls, mostly because while there we would do impromptu facials with the volcanic and ash rich mud that all the expensive spas were using. And it was just as entertaining as it sounded.

Stanley and I did war-paint, naturally

The waterfall itself was fairly fun, though was a little underwhelming after our original watering hole. We were only there for a little while before hiking back around and playing on some of the hanging bridges. While there, Luis gave us a little history of the area, including how Arenal had been the most active volcano in all of Central America, and, up until 5 months ago, could be seen to be spitting lava almost every day since 1968. It was interesting and wonderful to hear it from a native of the area. After the mini-less though, we continued to hiked back to the observation deck to watch the sun set. It was a little sad as well as the clouds had moved in full force, but the pinkness that peeked out was truly beautiful.

After being fodder for mosquitoes we loaded into the van again to head for our last thing - the hot spring river. However, along the way, Luis had promised to stop and show us some frogs. His favorite frog was this little guy, affectionately known in Costa Rica as the marijuana frog because of its red eyes.

My new best friend

The frog jumped from Stanley's hand into his hair, making him the most photographed person on Facebook.

Stanley told me he'd get me one of these guys for Christmas. However, if he fails, it's up for grabs!

After replacing the frogs we made it to the hot river. It was amazing, the water was only slightly cooler than a hot tub, meaning you could spend more time in it without feeling queasy. Plus, the currents were nice and since it was outside there was a wonderful amount of steam coming off the top. It was a little crowded, but so nice and relaxing. We spent time just sitting in the depths, laying in the current - fighting against it as it tried to pull us downstream - and, my personal favorite, sitting just under the waterfall so it served as a massage. It was the perfect ending to our tour.

So, calm and relaxed, we loaded back in the van to be dropped off back at our hotel. By this point, the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were seeming like a really long time ago. We had already decided the day before where we'd go and Stanley had even decided what he was going to eat - pizza. And let me tell you, it was some good pizza, loaded down with greasy cheddar cheese. I had a cheeseburger and fries and we split, making it one of the most American meals that we'd had. Especially considering we went and bought some ice cream to share afterwards as well. So, there we sat, watching the only English channel on our TV, eating ice cream on one of our beds in the hotel room while the A.C. pumped happiness into our room, exhausted from a day of fun activity and good food. Needless to say, as soon as the ice cream was gone bed came soon after.

The next day was the day we were to head home. We had purchased tickets for the 2:45 bus ride home, but we needed to check out of our hotel by 12. We had thought we might go back to the watering hole that morning before leaving, but our sore bodies told us the amount of body-flopping had taken its toll and decided to just chill at the hotel. It started raining around 9:30, so we just read and laid around before packing everything up.

Right after check out we looked at our bus tickets and it turned out we had somehow - most likely the person purchasing the tickets had heard us incorrectly - bought tickets for the 12:45 bus instead, which suited us fine! After a brief stop at the grocery store to buy some more Tang and a roll from a little panderia, we were getting on the bus. At that moment, Arenal decided to expose itself more than it had the entire trip. Luckily, cameras were readily available and we managed to snap one more picture before the bus pulled away...

Until next weekend!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Manuel Antonio - or "the monkey ate our potato chips!!"

2011-07-08T16:01:00.000-07:00

Alright, I'm falling a little behind. But do not worry, if all goes according to plan I should be almost completely caught up before this next weekends adventure :)

So, TWO weekends ago we went to a little beach town called Quepos. Quepos's claim to fame is that it is the nearest town and therefore the entryway to the Manuel Antonio nature reserve. Manuel Antonio is the smallest of all the national parks in Costa Rica, and is located on the pacific coastline. In fact, a large part of Manuel Antonio is actually just the beach. We figured this weekend would be the perfect one to go, as it was Jackie's last weekend to travel with us, plus we felt we deserved it after two weeks of volunteer work and tramping through the cloud forest of Monteverde. We wanted a nice, relaxing weekend.

Which it was. To an extent.

In true Jillian/Stanley/Jackie traveling fashion we did not book a hostel before our arrival, deciding instead to find one once we got there. However, one thing we did not bank on was the intense heat and humidity. We arrived at 5 pm, just around sunset, and it was like walking around with a wet blanket thrown over you. Within minutes we were all covered in sweat as we tramped up the mountains and around the roads, hearing the sound of creatures that sounded like they belonged on the television show "Lost," and hoping to find a hostel. Once again we deferred to our handy "Lonely Planet" travel book. While we checked out the places they suggested, we eventually saw the wisdom at staying at a place with a pool - something we had originally scoffed at. "Why would you need a pool?!" we asked, "you're right by the ocean!"

Well, as darkness descended upon us around 6 pm (as it does in all of Costa Rica, no matter the season or place) we realized why. The beach was not safe in the dark, but nor was it smart to have 3 sweaty, sticky American twenty-somethings sitting around a hostel that doubled as a sauna. After about an hour of trudging, we finally settled back at where we started (don't worry, we shopped around) at the Manuel Antonio Backpacker's Hostel. It was only $12 a night and included breakfast and had a pool, which we promptly decided to use as soon as all the logistics and settling in were squared away.

The sign out front

View from the front...the bus stop was right in front of it

This was the out door communal kitchen and social area where we made our pancakes in the morning

You needed an awesome wristband to stay there. Though upon later reflection we decided they also served to provide identification if, I dunno, your body washed up on shore or something.

By this time it was around 7 or so, so we figured we'd drop off our backpacks and clothes and head on down to the supermarket to buy our lunch stuff. However, right as we're about to leave the hostel, there's a power outage, and all the power in the entire strip is gone. I've decided I blame Stanley for this. He was, after all, trying to turn the fan higher when the power went out. It is the only logical explanation that it blew the power for the entire town :)

So we haltingly make our way down to the supermarket - made all the creepier by the Lost-esque noises - and thankfully the power comes back on pretty quickly. After loading up on supplies for our typical peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, we head back to the hotel, change into swim gear, and then go out for dinner. We go to this little soda run by a guy called Joseph, and he, literally, uses the freshest ingredients. Meaning we ordered and then his little sous chef ran to the super market to buy some of the ingredients he needed. So while the food took a while, it was AMAZING. I ordered a burrito and it was honestly the best burrito I've ever had. And Stanley's burger was probably the best I've had while in Costa Rica, just a step or two below 5 Guys.

However, after this we decided to ignore the half hour rule and just headed down to the pool, which we had to ourselves. After splashing around for about an hour we called it a night, as the next day was going to be the day we ventured into the nature reserve itself.

After an early morning of pancakes and souvenir browsing, we made it to the reserve. It was a little steep to get in, $10, but we had heard the beaches there were brilliant and worth the price. However, it wasn't just the beaches that made it worth it. We were in a genuine rain forest and saw some beautiful things while we were there!

Random shack with a giant bamboo plant behind it

There was also a ton of wildlife! During our walk we saw a bunch of animals and were even able to catch some pictures of a few of them.

Capuchin Monkey, just chilling in the tree. There were a whole bunch of them just swinging around!

The exposure on this is bad, but that lump on the left side of the V is a 3-toed sloth! He moved faster than Planet Earth had led me to believe...

These are my favorite: Squirrel Monkey's!!! They're adorable and they were EVERYWHERE. I thought I'd steal one to take home as a present for Valin, but thought better of it...

There were lizards, everywhere, of every size, shape, and color. This is one that we took a picture of when they were still rare and exciting enough to warrant taking a picture.

Yup, that's a crocodile eating a bird. We were right there, don't even worry about it.

We played on the beach a little bit, not actually getting in the water, but decided we wanted to explore other parts of the reserve, so we hiked up and around. Of course, it hadn't been our plan to hike, but as discovery and adventure was beckoning, we answered its call. Once again, we were covered in sweat within minutes of setting out, but finally ended up on a slightly more secluded beach, just broken off from the main beach by a large rock out cropping. Here we swam for a bit, had lunch, and made a new reptilian friend.

Okay, it might be hard to see him, but this is an iguana that decided he really liked us, or at least our potato chips. Stanley received the bright idea of having us feed him and since we had forbidden him from actually swinging over a cliff with a vine or going down to get a closer shot of the crocodile, we figured we'd give him this one. However, after a few minutes of trying to get the iguana to come close enough to take the potato chip from his hand (as you can tell from the picture, he was really close to us...probably around only 3 to 4 feet away), he decided to drop the chip - and just in time. The iguana bypassed the chip entirely and decided what he really wanted for lunch were some Stanley fingers. Luckily we all escaped unscathed, and just in time too, as the tide was coming in, necessitating us finding a new place to play.

We hiked to another beach on the island and but saw some beautiful things along the way...

View from one of the overlooks on our hike

The isthmus between the two beaches

The beach was even smaller than the one we'd been on before, with some intense rocks on the right side or it. Once again, Stanley and I decided to go off and explore, meaning swimming through the rising tide to climb in the rocks and see how far we get. One thing we didn't count on were the crabs swinging and climbing over the rocks, almost like monkeys in trees. There were so many it looked as though the rocks were moving. I went first, as I was wearing my Chaco's to protect my feet, and Stanley followed behind. While we didn't make it as far as we wanted, we go pretty far before we realized the tide really was coming in, necessitating our fast return to shore. After a few close calls, we were reunited with Jackie, who promptly told us that while we were gone a monkey had come out from the trees, rummaged through our bag, and stolen our potato chips! Sure enough, we checked and the bag was gone!

Jackie on the smaller beach we found

However, upon further discussion and looking at a picture Jackie managed to snap of the culprit, we realized it wasn't a monkey at all, but rather a Coati! From what I heard they're not the easiest animal to spot, but this relative of the raccoon had decided our potato chips were enticing enough to make an appearance.

After this adventure, we decided it was time to head back into the town and possibly check out the local, public beach. Here we snapped a few more pictures and watch the sunset while deciding - using our handy, dandy, Lonely Planet book - where to eat.

The typical and very necessary "foot" picture

Footprints in the sand...

The beach slowly began emptying...

Sunset hidden behind the clouds

Once darkness hit, we found our way to the Hotel Vella, where we had one of our more expensive meals (about $12 a pop), but considering it was fish and steak, it was most definitely worth it. Plus, the place was beautiful and once the rain started pounding we were just glad to be inside!

After taking a cab home, we stopped and got some ice cream for dessert, upon which we realized somehow Jackie had lost her bikini top. Yeah, we don't know either. But we were excited for the next day when Stanley and I would head to church and then spend our last few hours at the beach.

After another breakfast of pancakes, Stanley and I headed to where we were told the local branch would be meeting. We got there fine. The branch was small, 25 members at most, and the meeting was all in Spanish, but it was great just to be there and sing the (somewhat) familiar songs and attend sacrament meeting again.

So while getting there hadn't been too difficult, getting back to our hostel to check out and meet up with Jackie proved more problematic. Where the bus dropped us off was not the bus stop for our hostel, but rather the pick-up spot for another bus. So, once again, we had many kind strangers/spirit guides help us find the bus back to our hostel so we were able to pack up and check out in time so we could head down to the beach for a few hours before having to catch our bus.

This time, instead of paying to get into Manuel Antonio, we just chose to play around on the public beach. After renting some chairs and an umbrella, we were ready to go!

Pre-swim Stanley and Jackie

View from our beach chairs

We split our time between drying out and swimming amongst the crashing, salty waves, but eventually time passed too quickly and we found ourselves, 3 hours after arriving, having to head back up to our hostel so we could shower, eat and catch the bus back to San Jose and real life.

Post-swim picture. Look how relaxed and happy we all are!

The strip by the public beach

Safety first!

After sneaking back into our hostel to shower (we thought we'd do a service to the rest of the humans and not smell like beach and dead animal on the bus ride home) we grabbed one more bite to eat in paradise before we had to head back to loud, hectic San Jose. We decided that to repay the hostel for letting us illegally bum their showers we would eat at their restaurant. The food was mediocre, but we had some fun at least.

I feel like this is a good summation of our friendship...

But after that, it was time to board the bus for the 3 hour ride back into the city. So it was with one last fleeting look at the beauty around us that we wished Manuel Antonio good-bye and loaded the bus, backpacks in tow...

View from our hostel

Until next post, when I talk about last weekends trip to Arenal!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Monteverde - otherwise known as 'when travel plans go awry' or 'dies minutos my ass!'

2011-06-27T13:48:00.000-07:00

Here's the sitch folks. We took our first excursion this last weekend and It. Was. A. Blast. We ended up choosing Monteverde - an area known for it's greenery and cloudforest - because my roommate Nick wanted to go there before his life got sucked into his TEOFL course and we heard there was wonderful zip-lining there. However, Nick ended up ducking out at the last minute leaving me, Stanley, and Stanley's friend Jackie from the construction site sitting on a hot bus for 4 and a half hours on our way to the green getaway. The bus trip only cost $5 (I love public transportation here!) and I read The Kite Runner and listened to podcasts (thanks Stanley) the entire way, until we realized we were almost there and should 1) figure out what hostel we were going to stay at and 2) figure out what there was to do in Monteverde. So the travel guides came out (LonelyPlanet and Foder's Costa Rica editions) and we begin looking.

However, all of this proved to be pointless as the minute we stepped off the bus a man named Bryan approached us and said he had one room left at his hostel and we could have it for $6 per person per night. This included computer access, breakfast, a shared bathroom, hammocks, and a private room with 3 beds. He invited us to come and look at it and honestly, for $6 it was wonderful. The rooms were clean, the beds were standing, and the door had a lock. Plus the hammocks were just as wonderful as promised. Bryan was also wonderful as he was able to set us up with things to do in Monteverde, telling us that going to the waterfall would be silly as it got cold there (it did) and getting us a deal on zip-lining and getting into the park, as well as arranging transportation to and from the activities.

He also told us of this wonderful place to have dinner called Rico y Ticos, which served big portions for little dinero. After hitting that up and ordering a fabulous dinner of fajitas (I know, my first time eating out and I choose fajitas...) Then we decided to hit up the grocery store so we could save some dough and pack in our lunches to the park. PB and J all the way. That ended up being $3 a person - for two lunches!! With that, we went to bed, excited to wake up at 7:00 the next morning and go hiking through the cloudforest.

After a quick shower, a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast with pineapple marmalade, and putting together 3 peanut butter and guava marmalade sandwiches, we found ourselves chilling on the porch in the hammocks, reading books, and waiting for our shuttle to come and take us to the cloud forest.

This is a Stanley-Tamale.

So many hammocks! And they were really difficult to get in and out of, but so worth it when you managed to settle in with a good book

Dogs. They're EVERYWHERE. Seriously though, you know it's going to be a good, quality establishment if there's a dog (or two) sitting out front.

The trip up a windy, bumpy, dirt road in a packed van brought us to a little stand where we showed the receipt Bryan had given us, showing we paid to get into the park, we signed the guest book, and went in.

The clouds coming in over the mountains. Monteverde is a cloud forest, meaning that, unlike a rain forest, it doesn't rain horribly often, but rather the humidity and the cloud-like fog that hangs in the forest every afternoon keeps the ground and trees fertile and moist. The area is so fertile, in fact, that if you cut down a tree it will continue to grow.

This is what we were hiking through. I feel like if we had a machete and those awesome safari vests we could pretend we were in an Indiana Jones movie.

Needless to say, there were a lot of creepy-crawlies here. This is what we believe to be a millipede. They were everywhere!

The place was gorgeous, though a little more devoid of wildlife than we had hoped for. However, the foliage and conversation made up for it as we tried to figure out how to work our cameras and properly capture the beauty that surrounded us.

We came to a clearing just in time to catch a huge cloud moving over the mountain

This is what we were walking over the entire time. Even by looking at this it's obvious how fertile the area was.

This tree was huge. I was trying to figure out how to show just how tall this was, but wasn't able to capture it. The shot was take from the base of the tree looking upward.

It was so hot and muggy in the forest! When we first set out I was concerned about getting cold, but that was quickly dispelled as we began climbing. While the air might have been cooler and more damp, we were working up a sweat as we hiked through the high altitude.

Not sure what this is, but it was awesome.

We crossed 3 different rivers, with one of the bridges called "peligroso" or "dangerous!"

Classic hiking through the forest shoe-shot. Notice the various types of footwear. It's because we're awesome.

The entire path really was hiking. Even when we were heading down the stair and steps were huge.

Cloud-forest birds-nest

We found all these leaves that had tiny little holes in them. It turns out there were tons and tons of little bugs just eating their way through.

While the bugs were big the plants were even bigger!

After spending 3 hours in the forest we decided to come back to civilization (well, as civilized as Monteverde was...it was a rather small, but delightful town) and explore the town itself. We had heard about an artisan co-op where a large group of local artists came together to sell their goods, as well as a cheese factory that had delightful cheese and ice cream. We decided to stop at the hostel and see exactly how far away these places were. After the nice man told us not to waste our time or money on a cab as we could easily walk there - it was only 2 kilometers, or roughly a mile and a half - we set out. What the nice man at the hostel didn't tell us was that the entire walk was uphill. Seriously. After hiking for 3 hours our bodies were a little sore. But we persevered! Plus, we saw some beautiful flowers along the way.

Note: I am not sunburnt. I just have awkward tan lines.

This is our spirit guide, whom we decided to name Spot. He followed us from the top of the first hill all the way to the cheese factory and the co-op, eventually disappearing into the mist. Totally serious. :)

On our walk we also saw some awesome little shops. It was like the Costa Rican equivalent of Park City - large resorts and hotels on the top of the hills. We also saw a cute little art store where we stopped to make sure we were walking the right way. The man there assured us we were, telling us we only had dies minutos to go...

...25 minutes and 2 hills later Jackie turns to Stanley and I and says "dies minutos my ass!!" While Costa Ricans are incredibly helpful and kind, they sometimes give misinformation without meaning to. They would rather do that than be unhelpful.

We finally made it to the cheese factory and had some delicious ice cream!

By the time we started back, the fog had settled in for the evening, making everything from our clothes to our beds damp...

Another thing we noticed while traipsing through town were the large amounts of pizzarias. As true, pizza loving Americans we took this as a sign as needing to have pizza for dinner. So we went to a place we thought served pizza - it didn't. So after buying our food there (which ended up being about $6 per person) we decided we needed a pizza chaser and ordered a 12 inch cheese pizza from a place called El Dorado.

Jackie and the pizza. And Stanley's foot.

Jackie and I had gone to get the pizza (it was just down the hill from our hostel) and while we were there we saw something strange. The man left the main room, walked down the stairs, and came back with a little baggy filled with some white powder and put it in our box. We took the box back to the hostel and promptly decided that while it was obviously parmesean cheese, we were going to pretend there was cocaine in there as well. So laughing and discussing about how the evening would go now that we'd all ingested cocaine, we demolished the pizza in 20 minutes.

Don't judge. We had done a lot of walking that day.

So after the pizza had gone the way of the world, we settled in for the night. I finished The Kite Runner (amazing book, by the way) and fell asleep, excited for zip-lining the next day.

We awoke and started getting the room together as we would have about a half hour from the time we got back from zip-lining to when we needed to head into town to catch the bus.

Our room, small and incredibly functional.

But, before we went zip-lining we decided we should probably go and buy our tickets for the return ride back to San Jose. As we walk down into town there are a bunch of people in running attire and numbers getting ready to run some race. Also, as we approach the main block in town, we see this:

Little "murals" made from natural objects like flower and wood bark, made to depict religious things like crosses, angels, doves, etc.

We're still not sure what was so special about that Sunday, but it was beautiful!

Unfortunately, the runners and the special church things that were happening all ended before 2:30, meaning all those people were wanting to catching the San Jose bus and had bought their tickets before us. So the man at the bus-stop told us we could take a 3 o'clock bus to Puntarenas which was only an hour out of the way, but they had buses leaving to San Jose every 20 minutes or so. We decided to do that, bought our tickets, and headed back to the hostel to get ready for the one thing I had been looking forward to the most in my trip to Costa Rica - zip-lining!

For those who know me, you know I'm afraid of heights. I can usually conquer this fear by convincing myself that everything will be safe and I will not die. This experience tested that resolve for me.

Everything was great, but on the first line I stopped before I got all the way there. The people told me I must have been braking, pulling down on the line and killing my momentum. I hadn't thought I was doing that, but after the guy pulled me to the next platform, the next line went well. However, the real problem came in the next line. It was a huge line, usually taking 45 seconds to get all the way across, and they doubled me up with Stanley as we needed extra weight to get to the next platform.

But, once again, something happened with my pulley - it jumped the line, meaning the friction was stopping us from making it all the way to the end. The zip-line guy came to pull Stanley and I the significant distance to the platform and realizes he can't do it because I'm pretty much stuck. So - I'm not sure what he was trying to do - he kept having me try to pull up on the wire, all the while trying to unhook my caribeaner from the pulley, essentially unattaching me from the zip-line.

You have to understand, at this point I'm dangling probably 100 yards above the canopy top, over a canopy, with a guy trying to unattach me from the wire. It was all I could do to not completely freak out. Eventually another employee came and helped us, attaching me to another pulley and we somehow managed to make it back to the platform.

I was pretty shaken after this and my arms were exhausted. You can only pull up on the line so many times without realizing how futile it seemed and killing your arms. But we still had most of the zip-lines, the Tarzan swing, and the Superman to go, so they fixed my pulley and on we trudged.

While we thought we had hiked a lot the day before, it was nothing compared to this! We essentially hiked up an entire mountain, wearing harnesses over our hips and our chests and carrying around various metal accouterments. It was completely worth it though! The Tarzan swing was wonderful. I was the first one to go, so no one knew what to expect. The employee attaches 2 hooks to my harness and tells me to sit. They had been telling us to do that before we go on the zip-lines, so I do so without thinking, only to have him completely push me off the platform! I free-fell a few feet before the hooks and pulleys did their work, eventually swinging me out over the canopy top.

The last great thing we did on the 1 and a half hour zip-line excursion was the Superman. It was the longest line going over the canyon and they attached us like we were lying face down so it felt like we were flying.

Stanley getting prepped for last and final line - Superman style!

Zip-lining was so much fun, and more than worth the $40 we paid for it!

After the bus ride home - where we became good friends with two Panamanians from Miami - we packed up our stuff and headed to the bus stop, stopping at the grocery store for some munchies and water for the trip.

We loaded the bus and another spirit guide - this time in the form of an older American gentlemen who was also heading to San Pedro - started talking to us, telling us we could cut about an hour or half hour off our trip by getting off a stop early and catching a San Jose bus there, at Barrancas. We decided to do this and endured one of the most uncomfortable but beautiful bus rides of my life. It honestly looked like a mix between Guilin, China and the Pacific northwest. As we were coming out of the mountains we were even able to see the Pacific Ocean.

After a 3 hour bus ride and a 15 minute wait, we boarded another bus for a 2 hour ride to San Jose. I listened to music and sorta fell asleep for this journey, but we eventually ended up in San Jose, though in an apparently sketch district. We ended up grabbing a taxi to Maximo where we said good-bye to Jackie, and Stanley and I walked the rest of the way home.

It was a fabulous, and I absolutely cannot wait for this next weekend for another trip!

Toodles!

-Jillian

First from Costa Rica!

2011-06-20T10:28:00.000-07:00

Here I sit, in the Maximo Nivel building (the organization we're volunteering with), waiting for a certain blue-eyed someone to finish up his first day building houses so we can go shopping. And while sitting I figured, what would be a better way to spend my time then by telling the awesome story of our flight over, as well as the first 24 hours? The answer came: sleeping. However, as the only place to sleep is a really hard wooden bench, I think I will save that for a little bit later.

I will start off by saying that the day we left, we were running late. This was my fault. Anyone surprised by this? Possibly, BUT in my defense, I slept through my alarm which set my plan for the day back about an hour. So when Stanley came to pick me up I was feverishly trying to make us breakfast (using up some of the perishable food) and pack my carry ons and make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. He quickly calmed me down, and finished cooking the eggs, all the while shouting questions at me to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything.

Needless to say, between that, a quick stop at Wal-Mart, and a fill-up at the gas station, we were about a half hour late to Stanley's dad's house. However, we got to the airport in time and with only a few hold-ups (such as the workers at Frontier who didn't seem to realize we did, in fact, know how to work a computer, and my bag being open and flinging food everywhere in the airport lobby) we found ourselves waiting for about a half hour before loading our plane to Denver.

We were excited, needless to say, and celebrated by eating a cold piece of Little Ceasar's pizza leftover from the night before (this was part of the food that had gone spilling on the floor. Don't worry, it was in a Ziploc and yes, we were soundly judged).

After a short trip where we both managed to fall asleep and thereby miss the toasty chocolate chip cookies (which, if you know Stanley or I, you know how much of a travesty this was), but safely landed on the ground in Denver full of anticipation for our 8. Hour. Layover.

No, that was not typed wrong. 8 hours. Of waiting. In an airport. IN DENVER. Again, it is lucky Stanley and I are easily entertained people, because after trying, unsuccessfully, to sleep for an hour and a half, we were semi-forced by the awkward humans encroaching on our sleeping space to go and explore the Denver airport.

Let me just say, for those of you who have never been to Denver, it can be quite fun. There are 3 concourses and a terminal, all with a train linking them together. We were situated in concourse A, which had your typical things: Ben and Jerry's McDonalds, Panda Express, 7 different versions of Travel Center with their overpriced blankets and magazines. Concourse C was simliar, but concourse B? It was a gold-mine of entertainment. Mostly because it had more stuff. Also, while in concourse B we discovered an awesome game called "Stand stationary on the moving walkways and wave to the people at the gates, seeing how many of them you can get to wave back." Once we mastered that game, we added a fun twist, instead calling it "stand stationary on the moving walkway and wave to people WHILE commentating on it like a 3rd person commentator at a sporting event." Seriously. Best way to spend your time at an airport. Plus, we made lots of people smile, which is always nice.

After riding the train (dancing to the music that came on whenever the train stopped or started, of course), exploring all the concourses, and having to go BACK through security because we got off on the wrong side, it was officially 8:30 and we had successfully wasted 3 hours.

Yup. We still had 3.5 to go.

So we filled it by eating food, having some Ben and Jerry's and watching our favorite movie "The Devil Wears Prada." After which, we retired to our terminal to call our families while Stanley did some reading and I finished up on some last minute assignments.

We loaded the plane and departed almost exactly on time, which sorta blew my mind. The ride itself would have been good, had it not been completely impossible to fall asleep. I spent the first 3 hours of the 5 hours flight wondering why my legs felt so antsy and wishing I could feel the coldness from the window. Eventually, overcome with tiredness I passed out for the last 2 hours, but this time, thanks to Stanley waking me up, we managed to get our cookies. And dude. They were really good.

So we arrived at 5 am, tired, cranky, and just feeling all over musty and airplane-ey. We made it through customs and immigration to be picked up by a woman named Ingrid who talked very quickly in Spanish because Stanley, bless his heart, said he could understand it. Luckily he could understand about 80% of it, but I was left smiling and nodding most of the way. We met another volunteer who actually turned out to be one of my 4 roommates. Her name is Breena, she's from San Diego and is going to be volunteering with me on my project.

We were dropped off at our family's houses and it turns out Stanley lives about a 2 minute walk away from me, which is really, REALLY nice. We separated under the agreement that I would head over to his place as soon as we had eaten breakfast and settled in.

This only sorta worked. Breakfast wasn't to be ready until 8, so I figured I'd settle in for an hour long nap and wake up to eat. This failed miserably and I rolled out of bed hating myself for keeping my host mom waiting to make breakfast. She didn't seem horribly put out by it though, but it was hard to tell considering she only speaks Spanish. There we met Nick, the Canadian guy who's staying with the family as well.

Anyway, after breakfast I went over to Stanley's only to be greeted by a fairly stern man who told me Stanley was sleeping and I could not go in to wake him up, but at my request said he could tell Stanley I came by.

After this I decided I too needed more sleep. So I slept AGAIN from 11 until 1, only to be awakened by STANLEY coming over! We ended up walking around the neighborhood where we lived, which is the residential part of a city called San Pedro, right outside of San Jose proper. It was a lot of fun, and we got to see some various markets and restaurants. Stanley, however, needed to be at Maximo for his orientation at 2:30, so we called it quits around 1:50 so he could go into the city with his "mom" and we could unpack with the promise that he would come on by after orientation and we'd finally be able to go shopping for the stuff we'd forgotten.

After unpacking, I figured I would tuck in for another little nap (remember, I was making up for an entire week of sleep deprivation here) and that Stanley would be by in about an hour and wake me up to go. We figured the orientation would only last an hour or so.

However, we were incorrect. I bleerily remember waking up to see some new girls coming in (there are 6 girls in the house total, plus Nick, so it's a full house) but then rolled over to fall asleep again, only to wake up a little while later to hear Stanley calling "Hola!" into the back of the house. I stumbled (literally) into the hallway where we talked for a bit. I looked at the clock and saw that I had slept from 2:30 until 5:45. And it felt GREAT.

I will digress for a moment to explain why we were in the hall. In the book it mentions no visitors being in the rooms, and this had been enforced by Stanley's "family's" reaction to me, a female, coming over to visit him. My mom, however, seemed to be totally okay with him being over and in my room as we soon learned when she came by and asked why we were standing in the hallway. We must have looked startled because then she pointed to the room and was like "oh yeah, you can go in the room, it's totally fine!" (she obviously didn't say that since she doesn't speak English, but that was the equivalent). So we got to hang out for a little bit and meet the other girls who I would be living with.

Stanley then went home to have his dinner while we had ours. After which we all walked over to the supermarket to buy some snacks for our rooms. Stanley and I then parted ways with the promise to see each other at the bus stop in the morning at 7:20, and then I spent the rest of the night talking with my new housemates until we went to bed around 10. Which, don't worry, I slept like a log and am still tired today. Apparently it takes more than one day to make up for that much lost sleep.

So yes, that was day 1 and travelling. Today has been mostly orientation and looking around and finding stuff. I'm super excited to begin volunteering and can't wait until I become more at home in the city!

Toodles!

-Jillian

p.s. New layout: Thoughts? Feelings? Impressions?

Ugh...

2011-06-17T05:57:00.001-07:00

I seriously cannot remember the last time I was this tired.

Actually...I don't know if I've ever been this tired.

Holy. Hell. I've averaged roughly 3.5 hours of sleep a night since last Saturday. That's 6 days folks. And it wasn't like I was just chilling when this was happening. I worked - both mentally and physically. Seriously, I worked a double on Saturday and trust me, those trays are heavy. And I spent 5 hours yesterday in the sun with a hoe attacking the driest piece of land you can imagine.

But there is news.

I'M FINISHED!!

Or I will be in about an hour. All I have left is to tack on a few sentences to my conclusion and drop in citations. And then I'm done with all that is required of me.

That being said, I still might try and turn in some extra credit stuff if I have time. Those are super low pressure and will help me improve a percentage or two, which will be nice.

But seriously. All I have to do is pack and that's IT.

Lagoon and napping in the car, here I come.

Toodles!

-Jillian

Another update

2011-06-14T15:36:00.000-07:00

I am taking a break from comparing and contrasting Marx and Kant, cuz frankly it gives me a headache.

Alright, things that have been accomplished in the last 13 days:

5 page paper on D&C 25

14 page paper on Modernization Theory and Costa Rica

3 page paper describing economy in China

4 quizzes

2 more work weekends

Court Hearing in Draper

Buying Costa Rican currency

Hanging out with friends

2 page paper on The Hunger Games

Get computer fixed (Thank you Kirk and Becca!!)

Things I still need to complete in the next 4 days:

finishing the 8 page paper comparing Marx and Kant (I've got about 2 pages right now)

1 final consisting of: 1 5-page essay on Communism and the economy; 1 5-page paper on whether economics or social variables affect a nations likelihood of adopting democracy

1 multiple choice final

1 final consisting of: 20 multiple choice questions; 2-short essay (roughly 1.5 pages each) and one long essay (roughly 3 pages)

1 day of community service in Draper

Packing/shopping for Costa Rica

Possibly re-doing my midterm and any additional 2 page essays for extra credit

I just have to say, while I've still got a lot going on, I have so many wonderful friends in my life who are helping me out. I honestly feel so blessed to know such selfless people who are willing to sacrifice their time and resources to make my life a little easier.

Alrighty, let's get back to it! This will be so much easier once I get my computer with my notes back...

Before Costa Rica...

2011-06-01T10:03:00.000-07:00

Before Costa Rica I need to:

Take 3 written finals

Write a 5 page paper discussing democratization and why it fails in certain instances

Write an 8 page paper comparing the Marxist view of history to Kant's requirement for history

Write a 12 page paper discussing a theory of comparative politics and a case where the theory does not apply

Write a 3 page paper discussing China and their use of government in the economy of a communist system

Write a 5 page paper discussing the doctrine in D&C 25

Write a 3 page paper discussing how the Hunger Games and/or the Adjustment Bureau relates to modern political philosophy

4 or 5 more quizzes

Work 2 more weekends - so a total of at least 6 shifts

Code 20+ hours

Attend a court hearing in Draper

Most likely doing a day of community service to hopefully get out of paying $150

Laundry

Figuring out what I'm supposed to bring

Buy Costa Rican currency

Hang out with friends since I won't be seeing them for at least 6 weeks

So...now that I've written that out I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. However, it will all get done and in 18 short days I will have nothing to worry about except getting to the airport on time

Toodles!

-Jillian

This is my confession...

2011-05-27T13:17:00.000-07:00

I have most recently become OBSESSED with these. They are Grandma's Homestyle Fudge Chocolate Chip Cookies - and they come in a 2-pack :) This little softy, chewy bundle of taste-bud pleasing happiness is only $.50 from the vending machines on campus. That's right folks, FIFTY CENTS. It's a 310 calorie package of wonderfulness and I may or may not have had them for breakfast today. It was coupled with an apple, so I feel alright about it.

But, just for a quick update, in 22 days I am jumping on a plane and going here:

...and here:

I know, be jealous. :) But don't you fear, this will not be vacation time. Well, at least not ONLY vacation time. I will be spending roughly 20 hours a week volunteering with underprivileged youth, teaching them English so they can land jobs in the tourism sector and raise themselves out of poverty. I'm really excited for it. Also, lest you fear I'll get bored down there, I'm still working - coding for Womanstats. It'll be nice to have some source of income at least.

So you all know, I plan on blogging while I'm there. And probably changing this layout, because, frankly, it sucks and is ugly. It's a bit of an eye sore and you shouldn't have to look at it.

I'm feeling a little odd right now. The last 2 or 3 days have been super focused and super busy - 2 midterms, a paper, work, running, dates with friends - it's been crazy. And now I don't technically have anything due for the next 3 days (aside from working stuff that's not scheduled to be done until Sunday/Monday) I'm feeling very free for the day. Which is good, because I've got work, then a party with some friends from work, and then a much needed (and highly anticipated) playday up in Salt Lake with the symphony that night. I'm really excited for it and it will be nice to do that stuff without thinking about the things I need to be getting done - because everything that needs to be accomplished is already scheduled to be done at a later time. It's a rare feeling for me so I plan to treasure it and milk it for all it's worth.

Toodles!

-Jillian

Everything is Uncharted...

2011-05-02T12:55:00.000-07:00

As my roommates know, I have become obsessed with this song lately.

I can live the life I want.

I am in charge of my life.

I can be the person I want to become.

And not only CAN I become that person, I WILL become that person. :)

You make me wanna say "I do..."

2011-04-16T11:29:00.000-07:00

So...I love that song. And that's all there is to it. I was just thinking today about how I need to make a new summer playlist with perfect summer songs now that the weather is getting better and I'm pretty sure that song is going to be one of the ones on it, because it is that awesome.

Here are my thoughts for the day.

People who are on campus having showered, gotten dressed in normal people clothes, and have put themselves together. On a Saturday. At 7 am. Of Finals Week. I judge you...so much.

The new path on the south of campus is beautiful. If I hadn't been in a hurry to get to my final this morning I would have stopped and taken some pictures. But alas, duty called.

I actually got about 4 hours of sleep last night. One of those hours was actually an accident nap.

So I thought I had a review session today at 12:30, only to realize the session was supposed to be from 10:30 to 12:30. I talked to the girl who organized it right after our final and told her I'd see her in a few hours. She probably thinks I'm an idiot...which I am, in this case.

My final schedule looks like this:

Tonight: spend 3 hours studying for New Testament final. Take it online before bed

Tomorrow: study for Old Testament final/Crusades, grade papers and do some shock squad stuff

Monday: Take Old Testament final early in the morning, spend the rest of the day studying Crusades

Tuesday: Take Crusades early in the morning, study the rest of the day for Constitutional History

Wednesday: Study for the rest of the day for Constitutional History; take final at 2:30

Spend the rest of the evening hanging out and enjoying life with friends :)

So we'll see how this goes. Especially because the days after finals I'll be working my butt off at the Mac Shack serving flavored lemonades and Alfredo to parties of 20 celebrating their college grad.

I walked home from campus today while listening to Adele's "Hometown Glory." It's such a beautiful song. It was so surreal to walk across the mostly deserted campus with it playing in my ears.

I get to go to work in about an hour. Due to the fact it's finals and spring break AND that it's beautiful outside, I'm not counting on making any money. Which sucks, considering I'm a mid and will be there for at least 7 hours. At least Kristi will be there to make it entertaining.

I BOUGHT MY PLANE TICKET TO COSTA RICA!!! I am so excited! I cannot wait for these next 10 weeks to pass so I can board that plane and get away and have that experience.

However, I must endure 10 more weeks of classes before I get to go to there. I believe I can do it :)

Toodles!

-Jillian

Thoughts on a lonely Monday...

2011-04-04T17:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what happens when you follow a blog. Just sayin'. Does that mean you get some kind of e-mail alert whenever the person you follow updates their blog? Or does it just mean you're following them when you put the link to their blog on your blog?

I've learned a lot in the past few days, both about myself and otherwise. Though I guess it's mostly about myself. I've realized I get really sad at 2 times a day - 3 pm and 6 pm. The past 3 days those are the times I've felt the worst. The rest of the time I might feel a little sad or wish things were different, but usually I can carry on and be fine.

I've discovered I'm an attention whore as well. Like, really. I used to think I just wanted his attention because we were dating and his attention meant I was important. And I was ridiculous about it sometimes. Only sometimes though, because he was an idiot about it the other part of the sometimes. If he didn't respond back during a certain timeline it really bugged me and I got super bent out of shape about it. Now I realize I'm that way with everybody. I have been chatting and texting and calling so many people lately, just because I need that interaction and if people don't respond back to me it makes me super anxious and I feel super needy.

I've also learned that you always remember the good things, not the bad. Already the fights are fading into the back of my mind, instead being overshadowed by the wonderful times we shared. Along with that though comes the self-doubt, wondering how much of what was wonderful was my perception as opposed to the reality of the situation. Second guessing is never fun, especially when you can't ask

The thing I've learned that makes me the saddest is I've learned how much he motivated me. He gave me someone to be accountable to, someone who believed in me, and cared about me and helped me focus on what I wanted out of life and that the things I wanted to do were not stupid things I wasn't qualified for or able to accomplish. And I don't want people to think this is a self-esteem thing, because it wasn't that I didn't think I wasn't good enough to accomplish them, it's that I didn't know how to go about doing it and felt there had to be people who had more experience and qualifications than I applying for the positions. He helped me navigate that as well as mold the qualities I had into things that were desirable for the things I wanted to achieve. And it kills me that it took this happening for me to realize that because now I can't thank him for it.

Because while there were some parts of him that I might have been "settling" with, there were things I got from him and from our relationship that I had never hoped to find. Things I didn't even know I wanted or that I could want.

But the fact was, I was still looking for something and apparently so was he. While I crave his interaction and miss being the one that helps him and gets to talk to him everyday, I trust that things will turn out all right. And hopefully, if we're close enough to the spirit and pay attention to what we're feeling and what we need I'm sure things will turn out the way they're supposed to, too.

So why am I writing this blog? Sharing fairly intimate feelings with the world? Mostly because I needed to get those thoughts out and I feel like I've bogged down every person close to me. But I also wanted people to know I'm doing okay. While I wish things were different, I understand that they can't be and that I know things will eventually work out, even if it sucks right now.

I also want people to know that I don't hate him and I'm not angry at him. While sometimes I think it would be easier if I did hate him and wanted to reject him and make him hurt, I can't make myself do that. Even the thought of doing that makes me feel horrible. He's a good person, and while I worry about him I know he managed to survive 22 years without me and that he'll probably make it through the next ones just fine.

I haven't done this for a while...

2011-03-29T22:18:00.000-07:00

So, here I am again, once more completely procrastinating the day of my writing assignments. However, this one is a bit more intense than a 3 page introduction to political science paper - this is an 8-10 page final term paper.

I'm a little terrified.

However, unlike last time, I am not only starting before midnight, but I've actually done some of the research beforehand. Which I figure will be a start in the right direction. So here we go.

11:20 - I've written the introduction. It's about a page long, which means I'll probably need to lean more towards the 10 page instead of the 8 pages length. However, I'm at a pretty good stopping point so Stanley and I are going to go put some cookies in the over :)

11:21 - hold the phone...I just learned this version of words has a CITATION MACHINE!!! Holy heck. This will make my paper so much easier!

11:42 - cookies are in the oven. I'm quite excited to bite into those little buggers. We're trying Pillsbury this time, so hopefully it will be better than our last attempt with Tollhouse, which failed.

11:53 - sometimes my boyfriend is really cute. He just brought me down milk and cookies so I could keep writing

12:14 - I was supposed to register for classes tonight at 12:00. However, something is apparently wrong because it's not letting me register. Not only is this frustrating right now because the seats are going in classes I'm needing to take, but it also means I'm going to be spending a chunk of time on the phone tomorrow trying to figure out what's going on. This is not exciting to me.

12:28 - I've almost got 2 pages on the paper. Right now I'm covering her background, though I'm needing to root through my books to find more detailed information. However, it's nice because it means I'm about 1/6 of the way done :)

1:46 - I just arrived safely back from Stanley's house after stopping by the gas station to pick up SmartPop and a Rockstar Lemonade (no carbonation so I'm not technically breaking my commitment for Lent!). Thought about the paper on the way home and am thinking I know what points I want to make which will make writing the paper easier. However, I almost crashed twice because I fell asleep, so I'm going to take an hour long power nap so I'll hopefully be more productive upon awakening. So...see you in an hour...

3:00 - Alrighty, back and (sorta) raring to go! I just talked to Ruth and she explained part of the registration problem might have been a glitch on the administration miscalculating priority registration deadlines

3:14 - Holy heck. I forgot how amazing this SmartPop popcorn is. It's a problem

3:22 - Ha! I just figured out how to add in some great paragraphs about the Troubadors which will not only give my argument context but will add length and quotes as well. Bonus.

3:37 - I really need to learn how to take notes better. I'm recalling information that I've learned from the books I've read but cannot for the life of me remember which books or where the information is located. Which is why I fail at life.

3:41 - Going in for some more RockStar...

3:51 - I'm at about 2.8 pages. Is it bad that I'm feeling rather confident? I feel like I should be more afraid considering I'm only about a third of the way done. However, I am currently listening to Brandi Carlile and feeling oddly focused. That's always encouraging :)

3:55 - I keep having flashbacks to writing papers late into the night last semester when Stanley would be waking up in Spain and I'd be chatting with him to stay awake. Except now he's asleep 40 miles away. Lucky guy

4:12 - I keep getting distracted by this citations thing. I have to focus though. I still have at least 5 pages to go and only 4 hours to write it in

4:14 - I'm a little concerned my thesis is slightly different than the one he approved - namely that it doesn't deal enough with the Crusades. Oh well, I'm analyzing why she went on Crusade and using pre-Crusade information to bolster the argument. That's legit, right?

4:24 - Time to wash my face. I can feel myself fading... But I have hit the over 3 page mark folks!

4:32 - Random fact: this woman I'm writing about not only allegedly had an affair with her Uncle, but also allegedly had an affair with her future father-in-law while married to her second cousin. They're royalty, it's fine, incest is high quality in these cases.

4:40 - some of these names make me giggle. Conrad the Handsome. How'd you like to be his successor and be named something like Richard the Tolerable or Richard the Not-As-Dashing-As-The-Other-Guy-But- I-Guess-We'll-Make-Due? That would be embarrassing, I would think.

4:50 - I'm a slow paper writer. And I think I'm okay with that. As long as I can turn this paper in on time, that is.

4:59 - Done with page 4. About halfway there.

5:02 - Sometimes I do the same things my students do in their papers that I hate. Like use faulty logic and make assumptions that aren't necessarily supported by fact, but possibly could be. Whoops.

5:16 - 4.5 pages. Score

5:27 - I have (at minimum) 3 pages left to go, then putting together a bibliography and filling in empty footnotes. I also, happily enough, have 2.5 more things to expand on, including a few more quotes to throw in there. This makes me happy. It looks like this paper may not suck like a black hole after all. It must just suck like our broken down vacuum.

5:39 - I'm losing steam. I'm not sure how to remedy this. I'm thinking another chug of RockStar... Just 3.5 hours before it's due and 5 hours before I can go to bed! At least 2 pages more to go! I can do it!

5:51 - I'm stable again...however it's not an awake stable, but we should be okay. Hopefully I can wrap up the actual writing in the next hour so I can spend the next few hours writing the bibliography and editing.

6:04 - I'm almost starting on page 8. Meg's called it a night. Pretty sure the only thing keeping me going is that nap I took earlier.

6:11 - yup, I'm really tired. Just sayin'

6:23 - I need to mix something up or I'm going to fall asleep. Time to eat some breakfast with my freshly bought milk and look up some stuff! :)

6:51 - working on filling in the blanks. Hopefully I'll be able to do a bibliography before I go to class so I don't have to haul all those books up there again!

7:06 - the sun is rising! And I may or may not have been distracted by reading a ridiculous thread online about non-Mormons being allowed in the temple for wedding ceremonies. *sheepish grin* Oh, and 2 hours and counting...

7:22 - get ready to head up to campus

7:40 - begin walking...stupid duffel bag of books...

7:54 - starting on footnotes...

8:35 - starting on bibliography...I love the copy and paste method...

8:52 - scrambling to save it to my thumb drive. I have to run to the SWKT and print it off still!!!

9:03 - after dropping my phone and having to hunt down the heavy duty stapler, it is IN!!!

Sometimes I'm pretty cool. Though I'd be a lot cooler if I felt confident about my paper. Sad panda...oh well, I feel like, all things considered, I did a fairly good job. I think I'll reward myself with a nap :)

Toodles!

-Jillian

Obligatory witty title of blog

2011-03-27T19:13:00.001-07:00

I have 10 papers left to grade. Holy. Poo. I cannot wait until this assignment is over. 5 page research papers are no bueno to write, let alone grade. Actually, especially to grade. I'd write this paper 10 times over if it meant I didn't have to grade it.

That being said, here is a brief overview of my last, oh, 2.5 weeks:

3 midterms

2 papers

40 5-page papers to grade

40 1-page papers to grade

My car breaking down - twice

$350 to fix said car

Being stranded in West Jordan without said car

Having to drive up to Salt Lake (twice) specifically to check out books for a 12 page paper

I think those are the main highlights. Of course, there was yesterday which I'm pretty sure made up for all the crappiness that had been going on. We went to the festival of colors and had a fantastic time, after which we had a nap, an amazing 2.5 hour walk, and then the most wonderful Indian food at Bombay House. We then had mediocre (sorry, they really weren't that good) desserts from a local Italian place that shall not be named as it's traitorous for us to go to any place other than Macaroni Grill while watching a great documentary - Waiting for Superman. This was especially pertinent to me as I'm planning on going into eduction. However, I feel all people with a stake in public education should watch it. So really, everyone should watch it :)

Alright, I'm going to go get my clothes out of the washer and into the dryer and then hopefully tackle these last 10 papers. Hope everyone's having a great sabbath!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Diving in head first...

2011-03-17T09:23:00.000-07:00

So we're at the second round of midterms. Luckily they're all fairly condensed this time. I had one on Tuesday, have one on Friday, have one on Monday and then wrote one yesterday. Which means that after my review session on Tuesday I should be home clear to work on my term paper for my Crusades class.

Once April rolls around I should have a pretty nice 2 week period of time to catch up on reading and do some studying. It will be grand.

...That's pretty much it for an update. I've officially paid the registration fee for volunteering in Costa Rica. I'M REALLY GOING!!!

This makes me super excited and gives me something to look forward to once these hectic 3 months are over. I'm taking my senior capstone class this summer which means it will be intense and challenging...but after that I've finished the culminating class of my college career. I can't wait to have that feeling, knowing that I just have to finish some basic history classes before I'm home free. Plus it will be nice to have that writing sample to use for Seminar as well as graduate programs and for the Teach for America program.

It will be exciting, nonetheless

Toodles!

-Jillian

Breathe...

2011-03-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

I am taking a break from grading papers. I'm pretty sure doing this actually makes my brain turn to mush a little bit.

Sometimes I feel like a baby-sitter with my students. I realize I'm not to a majority of them, but sometimes when they send me e-mails being like "I forgot about this!" or "I messed up on this!" I can't help but feel like I'm the nanny running over to them with a damp rag to wipe up their scraped knee. Or that I'm their secretary, constantly reminding them of deadlines. There's that too.

Alrighty, off to heat up my lunch and continue with the grading. However, I will leave you with something AWESOME:

This is what I want my future house to look like, with a few alterations, of course.

Just real quickly...

2011-02-28T09:05:00.000-08:00

I want to alert you all to the fact that I am, in fact, still alive. I know this saddens some of you who were hoping to inherit my awesome movie collection and my newly acquired lava lamp, but alas, I still want and need those.

However, this hiatus will still last a little bit longer. I have a midterm to take today, another one on Wednesday, a paper to write before Tuesday, a document to code Thursday, papers to grade on Friday and a wedding to attend on Saturday.

Sunday, however, is going to be a good day :)

And actually Saturday will be really good too. I'm quite excited. Stanley's cousin Rachel is getting married and they are one of the coolest couples I know, so I'm sure marriage will just escalate said awesomeness.

Alrighty, off to pay attention to class. We are not discussing Mormons in political history. Woohoo!

Toodles!

-Jillian

In case you couldn't tell...

2011-02-16T08:29:00.000-08:00

It's midterm. There's no way I'm going to be able to keep up with this blogging thing and still be a productive human. So. I'm putting a hold on it.

Just thought I'd let you all know...

-Jillian

Days 9 & 10

2011-02-09T07:15:00.000-08:00

I'm totally failing at this blogging thing. Sorry folks. I'll try harder :)

Day 9 - Something you're proud of in the last few days:

I'm just proud of the last few days in general. I've worked my last Sunday shift at Macaroni Grill (and getting free sushi from it too, might I add), written a quiz, got my WomanStats stuff figured out, scheduled this next week, taken a midterm (that I don't think I failed), went to all my classes where I mostly paid attention, gone running, broken down my schedule for midterms and graded 40 some odd papers while helping students on their next assignment.

I guess overall, I'm just proud that I'm getting my stuff together and being a productive human. And as a reward, tonight I get to go to Brick Oven with my roommates (and Stanley) for a birthday dinner and just get to relax and not worry about school. That is, if I get all the papers graded and sent out, of course :)

Day 10 - Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad

Ha! This one's fun. When I'm happy I listen to a playlist called "you make me smile" It has some awesome songs on it. It has songs like "Soul Sister," "Teenage Dream," and "You Make Me Smile." It also has a lot of Ingrid Michaelson and Sarah Barielles.

When I'm sad I tend to listen to Brandi Carlile. Love her music.

Bored: I'm not sure. I honestly don't know if I ever am bored or if it's just the feeling of being obligated to do something when I'd much rather be doing something else. If that's the case, then I listen to symphony music. It helps me focus on what I need to be doing at the time.

Hyped: I love this one!!! Mostly because I have a certain song I listen to when I want to feel like a BA, which is usually when I go take a test. I walk into the testing center with Mamba's, carrots, and my water bottle and have "Uprising" by Muse blasting my ears. If that doesn't do it for me I'll usually listen to "Breaking Dishes" by Rhianna or "Supermassive Black Hole" also by Muse. But very rarely does "Uprising" not get me going.

Mad: I'm not sure what I listen to when I'm mad. When that happens I usually want to talk to someone about it so I'm no longer mad or so the person can understand why they made me mad can then cower, tell me how right I am, and beg for my forgiveness (this last thing? Yeah, almost never happens. I think it's because of who I'm dating...). The point is, music does not usually play a part in my life when I'm mad.

So yes, there's a small snippet of my music habits. I hope you all enjoyed :)

Toodles!

-Jillian

Days 6, 7, and 8

2011-02-07T07:44:00.000-08:00

This weekend sort of got away from me. I spent Friday night up in Salt Lake and spent all Saturday having fun with the boyfriend going to the symphony, watching movies, and playing at the DI and Toys 'R Us. I can't imagine anyone else I'd be able to do such a diverse amount of things with where we both truly enjoy them, and not just because we're doing them with each other. Though that always seems to make it better.

But, because of that, I'm a little behind on this blogging thing, so here we go:

Day 6: Favorite superhero and why

I think my favorite superhero has to be Batman. Because while Superman and Spiderman and all the other superheroes are cool (okay, Spiderman not so much) Batman is awesome because he's a real person. Like, actually human. He wasn't genetically modified or imported from some other planet. He was a man who felt the need to change things and had the resources to do so. Which makes him awesome.

Day 7: A picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you:

These are some of my favorite people in the whole wide world. I put this picture because of what the life changing experience this picture represents as well. These are my Jackson girls. We spent one amazing, tumultuous, life-altering summer together and have managed to keep in touch and stay friends in the years following. They are the ones I know I can call whenever I need anything who, no matter how busy we are, will always be there no matter how long it's been since we've talked or seen each other. They are all amazing, beautiful, talented, driven, intelligent, loving women who have blessed my life in so so so many ways.

This one is more obvious. No matter how things turn out with this kid, he has done a lot to shape my life during a very influential period. He makes me think about and experience things that I never would have otherwise. Plus he's wonderful and makes me laugh like no one else. He makes me want to be a better person while taking me the way I am.

Day 8: Short term goals for this month and why

Okay, this is hard because I really want to turn this into a to-do list, but I will refrain, because no one wants to see that. So this is what I hope to accomplish by the beginning of March - so in 28 days:

Survive Midterms - meaning don't get anything below an 83%

Keep up with my TA work:

Keep up with other readings

Start running again

Not fall behind in assignments

So yes, those seem very general, but that's about as far ahead I can think right now.

Alrighty, I have succeeded in making this up to date! Gold Star!!

Toodles!

-Jillian

A picture of a place you've been

2011-02-04T10:36:00.000-08:00

In case you can't tell, I'm having a hard time picking just one. I've been to lots of places, whether it be Museums, campus, or my boyfriends house, and they all have their special place in my heart and memory. However, I figured I'd include some of the place I've actually traveled to that other people might recognize:

This picture was taken in Guilin, China, on a boat on the Yellow River. For those of you who may not know (or were not there) I traveled to 4 different cities in China in 2007 - Guilin, along the southern coast, Lijang, up near the Himalayan Mountain range, Shanghai, and Beijing. We went with the Eastern Oregon University choir and it was an amazing week and a half. I climbed the Great Wall, vomited in an elevator, saw amazing acrobats, ate skewed yak meet, and met some amazing people.

This is a picture of where I spent 3 of the last 4 summers. While this picture is actually in Grand Teton National Park, it's beauty is indicative of what you see in Yellowstone as well. This was actually taken up along the Jenny Lake Trail which was and still is one of my favorite places in the park. I've shared it with some of the most special people in my life.

This was taken this last summer in Moab. Logan, Lou, Hillary, Stanley and I were playing in Goblin Valley when Stanley and I decided to stop and grab a peanut and butter sandwich. Logan took the opportunity to grab a snapshot of the two of us perched on one of the huge sandstone structures. It makes me happy.

A habit you wish you didn't have

2011-02-03T13:14:00.000-08:00

This is a hard one for me. At first I couldn't think of a habit I wish I didn't have because to me a habit is chewing your nails or picking wedgies in public or an awkward face twitch. And while I do have some odd habits I wouldn't say I wish I didn't have them.

However, there are some very serious traits I wish I didn't have. For instance, I have this really bad...I'll use the word habit here...of getting lost inside my own head, especially when I have a lot to do. I get really caught up in my never ending to-do list or thinking about some of the problems in my life or how tired and/or unfulfilled I am. And what's funny is none of these are really legitimate problems. I almost create the problem in my own mind and then get tangled up in it to the point I'm paralyzed and unproductive.

I feel like it's obvious as to why I wish I didn't have this habit and therefore this post needs no more expounding. However, I will state that I'm currently attempting to overcome this flaw, though with varied success.

I'll be back tomorrow!

-Jillian

A picture of you as a child

2011-02-02T09:17:00.001-08:00

Okay, I'm was super excited for this day mostly because I adore this picture. This was taken in upstate New York where my family and I used to spend our summers.

For those of you who may not know (or may not guess) this smiling, adorable blonde is my older sister Jessica. We're only 18 months a part, which sometimes caused friction between the two of us. Plus, as you can probably see from the picture as well, we are pretty different, and not only in appearance. We spent most of our childhood and teenage years bickering and fighting, but then in High School we became friends. Our family had moved to a new town and with that came a new school. I spent a majority of the first year refusing to acclimate and the only reason I survived was because of Jessy. She helped me socialize and created a network of friends I could be a part of so I wouldn't feel completely alienated, making sure I was included in everything she was. When she graduated the next year I had come into my own in high school, mostly because she gave me the support and ability to do so.

Now she is married, has two beautiful children and is still one of the most inspiring women I know. Her husband is overseas with the National Guard and she's raising her babes with so much patience and love, all the while handing that incredible hardships with diligence. And amazingly, she manages to do so with the same sweet smile she has in this picture taken 15 years ago.

The meaning behind my blog name...

2011-02-01T09:25:00.000-08:00

This one isn't too hard. Despite the fact I started this blog back in my Junior year of high school its purpose has always been exactly what it says: it's where my brain relieves whatever it's been holding inside of it, in no particular order. It's where my thoughts can flow freely from my fingers. Some people have art and crafts blogs or travel blogs or school blogs, but mine has never really had a theme, hence the word "random" in there.

As I've moved away from home it's become a tool to let my family and friends back home know exactly what I'm up to and why I'm so ridiculously hard to get a hold of sometimes. It's also nice because I don't have to call all my family and friends individually to tell them the same stories - they can just read them on here.

That being said, now that I've done the challenge for the day, I would like to say that I am very tired and have to write a midterm right now. However, I really do love being a TA.

I also fell down the stairs yesterday and it hurt more than normal. How do I have that comparison to normal, you may ask? Probably because I fall down the stairs to my bedroom once or twice a month. You'd think I'd be more careful by now, but I think the carpet's just out to get me. But last night I sliced open my toe, hyper-extended my elbow a little bit and fell on my butt, which is making it a little difficult to walk today.

In other news, it is February 1. If I can make it through this month I will be very, very pleased as things are looking up in March and April. Then I have a month and a half of spring classes before

COSTA RICA!!!

I am so excited for this. Like, SO excited!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Day 1 - A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts

2011-01-31T06:42:00.001-08:00

This is literally the most recent picture of myself. It was taken Saturday night at Macaroni Grill. I had brought a bag of Pixie Sticks into work for all the servers and pretty much anyone who walked past the table in the back and Jorge was by far the most excited member of the team. He probably ate at least 15 himself. This picture was taken around stick #13. I thought the awesomeness that was our blue tongues deserved to be chronicled for posterity, so I whipped out my cell phone (making sure my manager didn't see and confiscate it) and snapped a picture.

15 interesting facts:

1. During the last 4 years I haven't spent more than 8 months in one place. The average time in one living location is 4 months.

2. I've switched my major about 6 times

3. I love puppies. Like, LOVE them.

4. I've spent an entire year in my life doing summer stock theater

5. I have a tendency to forget when my birthday is coming. I've spent the last month reminding myself it's getting closer.

6. I love painting my fingernails sapphire blue

7. Reading the New York Times makes me feel smart and sophisticated

8. Watching the State of the Union address was almost as exciting as Christmas.

9. If all goes well, this time next year I will be in Washington D.C.

10. If all goes well, in 4 months I will be in Costa Rica

11. I love brown sugar cinnamon pop-tarts and pop-corn. They are what keep me alive.

12. I sing opera at work, at least to the guests. Usually I sing pop music otherwise in an attempt to get the songs stuck in other servers heads.

13. I really, really enjoy being a TA.

14. Sleep. Is. Happiness. Especially when falling asleep next to or thinking about a person you love.

15. I have the most awesome stuffed animal EVER. Which I do still sleep with on a nightly basis. It's okay, I'm almost 23...

An attempt at actually sticking to something

2011-01-31T01:38:00.001-08:00

I have this problem where I start something and then end up not finishing it. I know most people have this problem, but with me it's less of a problem and more like a pandemic. I resolve to do things in myself - whether it be homework or running - and then fail to follow through. So in an effort to change that, I'm starting small: with a blog. It's fairly simple, more likely than not you've seen these things on others blogs, and I'm going to attempt to do it. Here is the list:

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
day 2- the meaning behind your blog name
day 3- a picture of you as a child
day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have
day 5- a picture of somewhere you've been
day 6- favorite super hero and why
day 7- a picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you
day 8- short term goals for this month and why
day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days
day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
day 11- write a bucket list of things you want to do before you die
day 12- 3 things that people are always shocked to learn about you
day 13- your 5 favorite books and why
day 14- a picture of you and your family
day 15- what do you consider your biggest success so far in life
day 16- a picture of yourself
day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have
day 19- write about a sweet memory from your past
day 20- write a letter to someone
day 21- a picture of something that makes you happy
day 22- what makes you different from everyone else
day 23- name something you love about each season of the year and which is your favorite
day 24- post your favorite quote or verse of scripture and why
day 25- what I would find in your purse
day 26- list 10 things that you are thankful for
day 27- my day job verses my passion
day 28- what kind of books you read
day 29 - favorite tv shows and why you like them
day 30 - movies you can watch again and again.

I like this one because it's personal without being awkwardly revealing. Plus, it'll be fun :)

So watch out blog-o-sphere. It officially starts tomorrow!

State of the Union 2011

2011-01-25T19:28:00.000-08:00

You can rag on Obama however much you'd like, but that was an amazing speech. Yes, there were obvious holes and it will be interesting to see what he's going to have to stretch to deliver on his promises, but I'm proud to be American after that speech and what's more, I have hope for America's future.

But you wanna know the best part of that entire things was?

State of the Union 2012 - I'm going to be there!!

I just have to keep working for it. After all, "the future isn't a gift, it's an achievement."

Toodles!

-Jillian

Probably should've stayed in bed...

2011-01-21T09:32:00.001-08:00

You know those days when you get out of bed, only to realize you probably should have stayed there?

Yeah....toooooootally my day today.

Snapshot of my life

2011-01-19T14:44:00.000-08:00

Alrighty folks, I've gotta make this fast as I've got to be out of here and coding in fifteen minutes.

This is a week in my life:

I am taking 16 credits.

I'm working roughly 40 hours a week: 9 at a TA job, 11 at a job coding research, and somewhere around 20 at the Macaroni Grill.

I am in class on MWF from 8-11 and then 12-3. On TTh I have class from 9-10 and a class I'm TA-ing for from 1:30-3

I spend 5 and a half hours a week in an office waiting for students to come to see me while doing homework and writing quizzes to pass the time.

I wake up between 6:30 and 7 every morning and shoot for going to bed around midnight. I usually fail at this and turn in closer to 1, giving me somewhere between 6 and 7 hours of sleep a night.

I try to go running for a half hour two to three times a week.

I'm dating a kid who lives 45 minutes away and has been a complete gem during all this, driving down to see me more often than I drive up to see him. We've been making it about every other day, which I feel is amazing, considering the circumstances. A considerable amount of time is also spent talking to him throughout the day. It keeps me sane.

I spend roughly 11 hours a week pouring over government documents referring to practices about women and picking out facts and trying to fit them into one or more of the 300 some odd variables that we're supposed to be chronicling.

I find myself zoning out in class thinking about all the other things I need to accomplish.

I have my first test on Monday. It's in Geology.

I'm currently saving to go teach English in Costa Rica this summer.

I've begun looking at graduate schools and am feeling really, really intimidated at the prospect of applying.

Scholarship applications are due in a few weeks and I haven't started them yet.

I get to apply for Washington Seminar in less than 3 months! This is another thing I zone out over - thinking about the possible internship opportunites.

I'm already behind in my homework and we're only halfway through the 3 week. I think I have some catch-up to do.

I won't be able to do much of it this weekend as I'll be hanging out with my family or working, because Jess and the babes are down for the weekend!

And I managed to spew all of that out in less than 10 minutes. Which is why I win.

Toodles!

-Jillian

Does not play well with others

2011-01-05T11:03:00.000-08:00

I've realized I'm a front row person. I prefer to sit in the front row of classes. I'm not sure if this is my need for attention from authority figures or if it's because I feel like I'll be less likely to text, surf the net, and sleep.

But you know what's annoying? Religion classes. Because it puts me with the elementary education majors and the marriage and family science majors who just giggle, so lovingly at fully at every little titter the professor says, like their laughter is freaking wind chimes, floating through the classroom.

I hate those people. There's one about two chairs down and she's just glowing with enthusiasm for this class and this professor and her life and everyone in this class. I want to punch her in the face. She's almost as annoying as the awkward kid sitting next to me earlier who laughed by inhaling, which resulted in him sounding like a complete ass (in the biblical way, of course. I am in New Testament after all).

I don't think it would be half as annoying if I didn't get the distinct impression that her wide-eyed sweet disposition is completely false. And I know what you're thinking, "Jillian, why are you labeling her this way?" and the answer is very simple. She was completely passive aggressive with the seating. I had my bag on a seat next to me, so she sat on the other side of my bag and a few minutes later one of her friends came in. Instead of being like "Hey, is it okay if you move your bag so my friend can sit here?" She made some offhanded comment to her friend (who had already found a chair a row behind her, so they were still able to talk and flirt or whatever the heck they were doing) about how she wished he could sit next to her, and then when another person comes by and asks me to move my bag - which I do - she makes another passive aggressive comment to the extent of "wow...I wish that had happened for you so you didn't have to sit so far away."

And now she's volunteering to pray and read all the scriptures out loud. And giggling obnoxiously. I mean, really?

I do not play well with others.

Quick update!

2010-12-12T09:49:00.000-08:00

So. The facts are these:

I have finished 1 of my 6 finals, meaning I have turned in 1 of my 3 12-page papers. Huzzah!

Tomorrow I have one written final and another paper to turn in. The paper is struggling, the final for that same class is still undecided as to what it's about or what format it's in, and I left the book I need to read for the final at Stanley's grandmothers house. Whoops.

Tuesday I work, edit/finish writing the final 12 page paper and study for the last final.

Wednesday, I turn that in, take the test and am DONE. Completely. I will have conquered this semester!

And, this time next week I will be back home in La Grande!

Oh, we also went to the symphony last night, which was hysterical and entertaining for several different reasons.

Alright now, back to work...

Junior Year, take 7

2010-11-08T18:32:00.000-08:00

There are many reasons I like my boyfriend. Today, I am grateful for one (well...two) of them in particular.

First and foremost, he edits my papers and makes them better. I have this problem with my academic papers, see, in that I know all the information required to form a good argument and when I describe my arguments to people it's obvious I know what I'm talking about. However, when it comes to expressing them in written form I fail a little bit. So Stanley, being the wonderful, patient, supportive human being he is, will sit down with me and tediously edit my papers, asking "Okay, what do you mean by this?" and "Why are you changing persons here?" or "You see how this weakens your argument?" and making notes for me to go back and fix.

So it's wonderful because he's not just telling me what I'm doing wrong, he's helping me fix it and be more aware of it for later. And due largely to his wonderful (and last minute) editing abilities, I managed to get an A on my first big international relations paper. It made me rather happy, especially as the Junior and Senior dudes behind me who got their papers back at the same time started complaining about how hard this teacher grades papers.

So yes, that is reason one. The second reason is related in that when I sent him an essay to edit while he was still in Spain (Viva Espana!) he realized I didn't have Microsoft 7 and was, in fact, working on the very outdated Microsoft Works which made references such as footnotes and other formatting really difficult.

So what does he do? He find Microsoft Office for me to download to my computer. So now I am able to write papers without having to do things manually and can actually add endnotes and footnotes to my papers without having to haul myself (and all my reference books for that matter) up to campus so I can finish my papers. Which proved particularly helpful this last week with my Women's History paper where I ended up adding a page and a half of endnotes to a 7 page paper (it was supposed to be a 4-5 page paper...oops...).

Which reminds me. I should probably start in on my next paper so I can get it over and done with so I can enjoy myself and not think about all the homework I need to get done when I get to see him next.

Have a great day!

Toodles!

-Jillian

p.s. ONLY 2.5 WEEKS UNTIL THANKSGIVING BREAK!!!

Junior year, take 6

2010-10-26T15:07:00.000-07:00

Qualitative Research Design - done

Women's History Midterm Essay - check

Weekly History Reading Paper - done-zo

Critique for Women's History Midterm Essay - dominated

Midterm for Tuesday - moved to Thursday

Midterm for next Tuesday - moved to 2 weeks from now

Historiographical Essay due Tuesday - cancelled entirely

Practice Assignment due Friday - moved to Monday

Sometimes...life is good. :)

Junior year, take 5

2010-10-24T15:19:00.001-07:00

This is my 250th post, people. That's right. We're going on over 6 years with this blog

So...what's new in my life? Midterms. The return of the boy. That's pretty much it.

I know, my life is ridiculously exciting and you're all insanely jealous. But don't worry, I'm going to tell you about why you SHOULDN'T be jealous of my life right now. Namely what I have to accomplish in the next 9 days:

3 written midterms and 5 term papers. Now, granted, 3 of those terms papers are just rough

draft term papers, but they're supposed to be GOOD rough drafts. As for the midterms, 1 is multiple choice, 1 is essay, and 1 is a mix of both. So this could be an interesting week.

However, here are things you SHOULD be jealous about. For instance, I get to see HER:

That's right folks! Tuesday night Stanley and I get to head up to the Venue in Salt Lake and listen to Ms. Ingrid Michaelson bust it out. I'm seriously so excited I might pee myself.

Also, Thursday night we get to go see my friend Brock in the Scarlet Pimpernel at the Hale, which should be exciting. And then, to round things off, this Sunday is my sisters birthday so we're heading up to West Valley to make dinner for her and her husband and to have an evening filled with good food and lively conversation.

That and for Halloween I'm probably going to dress up as one of the managers from work WHILE I'm at work. I know, I'm stinking hilarious.

But, that being said, it's going to be a long, hard, tiresome week and a half for me. The light at the end of the tunnel is that after it's over I have a nice, fairly relaxed 3 weeks until things pick back up again for finals.

Now to just get to that point. :)

Toodles!

-Jillian

Junior year, take 4

2010-09-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

This is me currently going insane...

...

...I'm a quiet crazy, because all the screaming goes on inside my head.

I had a dream last night that I forgot to do one of my papers that was assigned this week. It wasn't a real paper, as I'm not in a science class, but it definitely brought to light one of the major fears I've been harboring - that I'm going to miss an assignment and fail a class (and by fail I mean getting anything lower than a B-) and flunk out of school and become a worthless human being who can't achieve anything. Seriously. I woke up panicked and with a headache.

That being said, I have to finish up a book today so I can write a paper to turn in on Wednesday, I have to write (and research) a 3 page prospectus for IR which is due tomorrow, and then I have to do a 50 point article analysis for my PLSC 200 class due Wednesday as well. After that I have another prospectus due next week - this time for Hist 200 - a IR midterm, and a 300 page book to read during that period of time, as well as doing a practice assignment for Friday.

Oh yeah baby, this'll be fun.

All that pales, however, to the fact that Stanley is returning to the state of Utah on Thursday. That makes me go like this...

I'm not sure why, but I felt the need to refrain from writing screaming sounds as I'm in a quiet computer lab. Because that would disturb the other people?

Yeah...as I said, I'm tired. And my brain's a little fried.

Anyway, off to do reading!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Junior year, take 3

2010-09-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder how I lucked out in life. Honestly, I have a good job, a good family, good friends, a car that works ($700 later...) and the opportunity to go to school and further my education in a way that will enrich my life and the lives of those around me. I have (more than) enough food to keep me full, shoes for any occasion, and at least one amazing pair of ridiculously comfortable pants that I come home to every evening. I wake up to an e-mail from my best friend each morning and fall asleep each night with the best stuffed animal ever.

I am also currently eating an incredibly scrumptious turkey sandwich.

Could life get any better? Of course it could. But that doesn't mean that the here and now is all that bad, either.

Toodles!

-Jillian

Junior year, take 2

2010-09-07T23:44:00.001-07:00

Dear Professors,

What is the point of saying "well...it's labor day weekend, I can assign extra readings, they have an extra day to do them" if you ALL do that?! I refuse to read 50 pages of small print for Women's history, 4 chapters in a grammar book as well as 60 pages in a writers handbook for political science WHILE reading and analyzing an article to write a paper on 2 days later. I refuse to read 200 pages in freaking Herodotus while reading a 200 page book on Romans and Christians in the 1st century CE. I'm sorry. I don't know where you think I'm going to procure this extra time from to read your ridiculous extra pages. I'm sorry your class is the only one you're focused on, because it's not that way for me. So you can take your 300 pages of extra reading I'm somehow supposed to fit into one day off - that, surprise surprise, I didn't actually have off, thank you Macaroni Grill - and shove it.

Thank you

-A student.

Junior year, take 1

2010-09-02T12:05:00.001-07:00

So. Here's my life in a nutshell.

I'm working roughly 25 hours a week. Which is good. A girls gotta pay her rent, you know?

I'm taking 16 credit hours. But wait...these are not typical credit hours mind. This is not your "Introduction to Geology" or other uninteresting gen-eds you can slough your way through, possibly not even really needing to attend. Oh no. Here are my classes along with a brief description of what they are and what they require:

Let's start with the minor.

Polisci 170, Intro to International Politics: This is possibly my easiest class. You take 2 mid-terms and a final that include questions from the assigned reading, including the M-F editions of the NYT, questions over current events, and lecture notes. Also included in each test is a blank map you identify random countries on. We're not talking France or Australia, here. The last portion of the grade is a 10-12 page research paper describing a foreign policy we'd like to change, and why. This paper counts for 34% of our grade. However, you can attend extra-credit lectures every Thursday...which I plan on doing.

Polisci 200, Political Inquiry: I have this class labelled as "Death" on my notebook We meet for 3 lecture hours a week and then 1 lab hour on Friday, making this a 4 credit class. for each class period we meet I have about 20-50 pages of reading to do. We have sporadic quizzes during lectures and are required to do one in lab assignment a week, along with an in-lab quiz. Also, there are 12 larger assignments due throughout the 15 week course, including 2 research plans. This class also involves Statistics - which I'm sure you all know I love with every fiber of my being. We conduct our own political survey at the end of this class, as well as take a midterm and a final.

Now for my major requirements.

Hist 200, Historian's Craft: For every reading I do in this class (and don't worry, it's about 30-40 pages a class period) I get to write a 2 page journal about what it made me think about in the realm of historiography. Other than that, the class is fairly laid back. There are pop-quizzes in class that deal with the reading, a writing mid-term, a writing final, and a 10-12 page paper on a historical subject of our choosing. We are to turn in a mid-term draft of this paper as well as critiques of our peers papers.

Hist 385, U.S. Women's History: This class is quite nice, despite the fact it freaks me out not to know what, exactly, I have to do for this class. Basically you do the readings (again, roughly 50 pages a class period) and you come to class with thoughts and ideas and we discuss it. It looks as though the only things I have to "look forward to" in this class are a mid-term paper, roughly 10 pages on what looks to be Early American women as well as an overview of women in general throughout History (again, not really clear on that), and a final paper - which details are apparently forthcoming.

Hist 495, Topical Readings Seminar: This class scares me a little bit, just because of the fact it's so independently motivated. We meet once a week on Wednesdays, but during that week we are supposed to read a book, on average around 200 pages, and write a 2 page response to it as well as present a chapter in that book to the class. As this is a seminar class it involves lots and lots of discussion. Also, at the end of the term, we are to read at least 2 additional books and write a 15 page paper comparing and interpreting the historiography of those books. Once again, I'm graded on having a draft as well as turning in the final paper.

So yes...that's my class load. And it's not the classes themselves that scare me, it's the fact that, for the first time in my academic career, I'm actually going to do real work outside of class. I mean, I've done the late night google research required to write papers before, I might have even spent an hour or two studying or reading. But this? No...this is going to be my entire life for the next few months. I've pretty much already decided my social life will be limited to Stanley and a jam session every week, just because those things are necessary for my sanity. Everything else is just fun and makes me happy.

Happiness can occur when I'm done with this semester.

So, you may ask, why am I blogging when I should be doing homework? Well, I suppose it's because I just did 2 hours of reading (yay women's history!) and needed a break and since my focus was already broken from taking my van to the shop I figured now would be a good time. That way I could alert you all the to hiatus from blogging that will inevitably come with school starting.

Anyway, hope life is wonderful for all!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Time together isn't ever quite enough

2010-08-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

I am not the most logical person at times. I am fully aware that I have this problem with following through with my thoughts all the way.

For instance...

Last Friday I thought my wallet had been stolen. Having gone through this before, I knew the drill and immediately went to Wells Fargo and had them cancel my debit card and close my account, as my account number had been in my wallet too. So they set up a new account for me, ordered me a new card, new checks, everything. I cancelled my other debit card too, and in the end I was glad I had gotten that part sorted out.

But lo and behold, what did I find the very next day? My wallet, sitting on my chest of drawers where I swear it had not been when I looked there the day previous. Not that I was horribly upset, I was glad I didn't have to contact the SSA to get that sorted out or have to get another license or BYU ID, not to mention the library and grocery store cards I had in there. And I have a strong affinity for the actual wallet as well. :)

Well, I worked my butt off this weekend and made enough money that I didn't feel comfortable walking around with it in my newly rediscovered wallet, so I go to the bank this morning to get the two accounts sorted out (yeah...telling the guy I'd found it was embarrassing, don't even worry about it) and deposited all my cash into my checking account.

This is where my lack of fully developed thought comes in.

I completely forgot the fact that, oh wait, I have almost no food at my house. I have rice. I have eggs. I have instant stuffing. That's pretty much it. No eggs, no milk, nothing. So I get back from the bank this morning feeling rather ravenous as I hadn't eaten for 20 hours, realize I have nothing to eat in my house and think "Oh, I needed to go grocery shopping anyway, might as well go now."

One problem though. I'd cancelled my debit card and I, being the genius I am, had just deposited all of my cash.

So what did I, the prideful, stubborn, independent yet resourceful college student do? I scrounged through my work apron and discovered $3.20 in coins and went to the store to buy a loaf of bread.

Since then I have had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and fried eggs on toast. Both were delightful and very filling and I feel like I can get on with my day now.

I'm moving right now. I'm actually quite excited about it. I love going to a new place, someplace that's fresh and blank, and making it my own. I have all of Wednesday and Thursday off, so I'm going to spend at least one of those days unpacking and organizing everything as well as decorating it and putting my mark on it so it feels more like home and less like a bed I'm just filling temporarily. Hopefully I'll spend the other day hiking, but we'll see what kind of progress I make as I want everything to be settled and set before school starts on Monday.

I am waxing a little nostalgic though. This house has seen some fun memories and I'm a little sad to leave the place behind, though I'm sure there will be many more made in the apartment next store.

And a post wouldn't be a post without at least one list.

Things that make me smile:

-Owl City, most specifically The Saltwater Room, Hello Seattle, If My Heart Was a House, and the Bird and the Worm

-Knowing I have tickets to go see Ingrid Michaelson

-E-mails from and talking to my best friend

-Going through my pictures and deciding which ones to print off to hang around my room

-Finding out I don't have to have all my stuff moved out and deep-cleaned for another 30 hours

-Thinking I might be pinpointing what's wrong with my car so I can get it fixed sometime in the future

-Knowing I'm working tonight so I'll actually be able to buy cleaning supplies

-The anticipation of shopping for school supplies

Who died and made you king of everything?

2010-08-19T16:56:00.000-07:00

I don't like airports. Or maybe it's just that I don't like waiting in airports. I think that's probably the thing. I enjoy when I'm walking through airports, searching for and suceeding in finding my gate, realizing that all these planes are going to various and diverse places. Of course, then the fantisizing begins and I start to try and figure out how I can smuggle my person on one of those planes that's not heading to Boise, Portland, or Salt Lake.

But then there's the waiting. They say you should get here 2 hours early for a domestic flight, 3 for international. I'm not sure why this is, if it's the fear that going through the security checkpoints is just going to take so dang long that you're going to miss your flight, or if the fast food places have entered into a conspiracy to make you wait around the airport, bored out of your mind, for as long as possible to entice you to buy one of their incredibly overpriced and low-quality items. Which, come to think of it, I'll probably do here in about 45 minutes when my laptop no longer entertains me.

I just don't like it. And it's not that I don't like doing relaxing activities such as reading or surfing the net. It's just that I like to do them in the comfort of my own home and not when I have camera's watching me and my luggage like a hawk. I hate that I have to carry all of my bags with me whenever I go to the bathroom and then struggle to figure out where to put them while I'm in there. I hate that these waiting chairs are so gosh-darned uncomfortable and that sitting on them for too long makes my tailbone ache.

I think if I traveled with someone it might be more enjoyable. Then we could lovingly judge the people around us by playing games like "spot the ugliest pants" or "who has the ugliest shoes" and my personal favorite "what's up with THAT couple?" Or we could do a scavenger hunt through the stores for the ugliest souvenir. Those are fun games to play, but just aren't quite the same by yourself.

That being said, I am currently watching "Lost" in an airport, right before I'm going to board my plane. That seems masochistic, even to me, but hey, as I said, I'm bored. The 20 minutes it took me to check in and go through security went by way too fast. But it's either watch "Lost" or organize my I-tunes library, as I'm saving reading my book for the actual plane ride. And while I do enjoy organizing my I-tunes I'm not quite in the mood for it, as it tends to constipate my computer.

That being said, I want a candy bar. Or possibly gelato. But mostly a candy-bar. Probably a Milky Way. Or Milky Way gelato. That would easily solve my indecision. However, as this is the Boise airport, I don't think they have gelato here. Sad face.

The flight's delayed, so I'm looking at not loading for another hour or so. Oh well...I've still got 20 minutes left in this episode, plus enough time to hunt down something to conquer this sweet craving I'm having.

Another observation about this airport? The music they play is so odd! It's like they put someone's I-pod on shuffle and just let it go. Now, granted, the music they're playing isn't bad music, it's just a unique juxtapositioning of songs.

I have very little else to say at the moment. One can only muse so long about airports unless said airport is a hustling and bustling one, and the Boise airport on a Thursday evening in mid-August is not horribly bustling. Just a random assortment of businessmen and a few families.

I'll be posting pictures of the blessing and other assorted shenanigans pretty soon. Until then, have a great day!

Toodles!

-Jillian

IMPORTANT ADDENDUM!!!

I have searched this airport, and have found hide nor hair of gelato OR Milky Ways! Oh, of course they have the Caramel Milky Ways, but the origional? Nope! They don't even have the original Mamba's which I would have been happy settling for. What kind of establishment are they running here?! No Mamba's OR Milky Ways?

What is this world coming to?

Blurgh...

2010-08-10T14:36:00.000-07:00

Here are my thoughts at the moment.

In my mind, it's pretty much already September and I'm about to start school. I'm actually really upset by this for some reason. I was really excited for fall semester ever since I registered for classes, but for some reason when I looked at my schedule today and realized school was so soon, I dreaded it. I dreaded going at another semester, working my butt off at work, sacrificing my schooling to try and maintain relationships with friends that never seem to work out quite the way I'd like them too and to keep my head above water financially; not being able to truly develop certain skills I'd like to because I'm so busy with everything else.

That being said, I love my friends. I love the people I work with and enjoy my job. I'm sure I'm going to love the classes I'm taking. So I really don't know where this loathing and dread came from, but man, it was overwhelming for a little while.

So I've been watching Lost, and can I just say I'm soooo over the flash forwards? Come on and explain it already! You've been doing this for way too long and now it's just frustrating, and I want to know what's going on, so instead of making things so dramatic, just tell me, okay?

Because of this frustration, I may or may not have finished all of season 4 in 48 hours.

I swear I'm not as pathetic as I sound.

Thank you for nothing, you useless reptile...

2010-08-06T14:08:00.001-07:00

Things that make me happy today:

My Rainbows

My Chaco's

Summer afternoon rain showers

Netflix streaming

Homemade soup with Macaroni Grill bread

I'm going to have a bunch of awesome historical books within the next month - even if it does cost an arm and a leg

Organizing my laundry

Knowing I'll be going home within the next 2 weeks

Only having one more class and one final before I'm done with Stats FOREVER!!

Getting the go-ahead to paint my bedroom when I get back from Oregon

Knowing that, despite some of my best friends being gone, they shall return within the month!

I've discovered a new solace. It's writing in my journal. Well, not necessarily in my journal so much as it's writing on whatever scrap of paper I have lying about. It's a great way to try and organize my thoughts and just get them out of my head for a bit so I can understand them better. Now if only I could organize those random scraps of paper into one spot...

Toodles!

-Jillian

Make your own kind of music!

2010-08-02T12:58:00.000-07:00

I want the Harry Potter books.

I used to have all of them, back when I was living at home. My parents bought most of them for me, but then Jess fell in love with them and took most of them off with her when she moved out to become a real person. So I am left with no Harry Potter books.

So here's the deal, folks. I can the entire collection of paperbacks for$50 on Amazon, but that exceeds the budget I have set out for myself by $25 AND leaves with me no money in that category for the rest of the month. So...I'm debating what to do. Do I buy it now and just tighten my belt in other areas? Or should I wait until next month and see if I can work it into my budget?

P.s. I just heard the most awkward thing ever. One of my girlfriends asked one of our other friends how her honeymoon was. The newlywed responds with: "It was wonderful! The only way it would have been better is if you had been there!"

Sooooooooo awkward...

And in another vein entirely, I've decided Lost is what happens when lots of people with major issues get together. And I thought I had trust issues..

Biography

2010-07-27T12:41:00.000-07:00

I don't like biographies. I realize most people who know me will think this is odd. After all, I love reading and I love history, so theoretically speaking those two things go together to form a biography, yes? Well, here's the deal. Most biographies suck.

I'm learning this through many attempts to read them and many attempts have left me bored after the first 50 pages. Yes, I do try and endure through the first 50 in hopes it will pick up or that I'll be drawn into it somehow. Unfortunately, the last few attempts I've made haven't worked.

It seems that I try to forge through the first few pages, only to be bogged down by the author's self-importance and ridiculous vocabulary. They always pretend to be the "true"account of this persons life, when in reality, they never really tell you much about the life so much as they interpret it and tell you the importance of certain events. And I am so not okay with that. Tell me the events in context of the life and I'll interpret them for myself, thank you very much.

I read my first biography when I was...9? However old you are when you're in the 4th grade. But it wasn't until I read "John Adams" by David McCullough that my love of biographies was rekindled.

I love David McCullough. He manages to present a life in an articulate, intelligent way without overwhelming his reader with too much minute detail or over-dramatic verbiage. He presents the person and their flaws without excusing or exploiting them. It's a rare gift that I think comes when you actually enjoy learning about the subject you are writing as opposed to enjoying presenting them.

So, what this means is, despite the fact that I would love to read a good biography about Bobby Kennedy, I'll put the bad version I have aside to read a biography written by McCullough about President Truman - a man who I have no intense desire to learn about so much as I desire a good biography to read.

That being said, I have 1776 on request through interlibrary loan. I'm waiting to get an e-mail telling me it's arrived any day now. I'm so excited! Until then, though, I shall endure through whatever it is I'm reading. I can't even remember it right now.

Toodles!

Right now...

2010-07-19T23:08:00.001-07:00

Right now I'm missing simple things. I'm missing wide open skies that are scattered with stars. I missing good friends and good conversation. I'm missing the feeling that you're so small but so in touch with everything around you. I miss being able to go somewhere and be by yourself.

Right now I'm missing what makes me, me.

Things I've Been Told...work edition!

2010-07-14T22:56:00.001-07:00

"You are so beautiful, on Facebook. I mean, you're pretty in real life, but on Facebook you're just so gorgeous! I don't know if it's your eyebrows or if you're just posing or what, but you're really gorgeous in some of those pictures!" - A girl from work.

How are you supposed to respond to that? I know she meant it as a compliment as we're friends and get along really well, but it made me laugh nonetheless. I suppose it could be due to the fact that, oh, I don't know, I wear a man's button down shirt, tie, ugly black pants and mailman shoes while I'm at work. It doesn't really flatter my figure or my face all that much, especially when I have my hair pulled back all the time and don't understand the point of putting on lots of make-up when I'm just going to sweat it off.

"You have a fantastically cute smile! Doesn't she just have the best smile girls?" "Oh, yes," "So adorable" "So straight and white." - Random table of ladies

Thank you, ladies. My parents paid good money for them.

"How old are you sweetie?" "Oh, I'm 22." "Oh...well, that's not bad. My son's getting back from his mission in a year or so, and I'd just love for him to meet a cute girl like you. Do you think you'll still be working here then?" - Yet another random lady, but at a different table

Thanks ma'm. Oddly enough I might still be working here then, but please don't bring your son in. Not only is he at least 2 years my junior, that would just be awkward, especially as you know nothing about, except that I'm "so cute" and keep your coke and bread refilled.

And last, but certainly not least:

"You know, I never knew how to go about saying this before, but since you're broken up now, whenever you used to post things on Facebook about how wonderful and cute your boyfriend was, I always used to think 'she's way too cool and hot to be with just one guy. That's just a waste.' I wanted to write that on your things when you said that, but I didn't think it would go over too well." - One of the hostesses

Can you see why it's my favorite? I just thanked her and, once more, laughed, because oddly enough I'd gotten that one before. I consider this more of a compliment to the guys I actually date, as they've obviously got to be pretty awesome :)

Now, I hope you all go out and think twice about the nice but possibly very awkward things you say to people while at work or at a restaurant.

Toodles!

-Jillian

Itching in my skin...

2010-07-12T00:38:00.000-07:00

I have something I need to accomplish. I'm not sure what it is, but the past few nights I've just been itching out of my skin, like there's something in my life that's unfulfilled, something I need to do to feel completed, comfortable, and able to rest.

I'm not sure what it is, of course. If I did then I would just do it and I would be fine, I'd feel content.

I'm wondering if I should ignore this feeling and force myself to be happy or if I should accept it and figure out what it is that's eating me.

It's quite possible I'm just hungry. I've been horrible about eating the past week or so and that could be making me antsy. ...maybe. I do not know. I know I'm hungry, I just don't want to eat, and I don't really want to cook, so the result is I eat maybe one meal and munch on a few cookies during the day, and that's that. I know I should probably change this habit, but I have no real desire to.

Anyway, I think I'm going to force myself to go to bed since I have to wake up for class tomorrow.

Any suggestions on what I should attempt to feel less anxious would be greatly appreciated :)

-Jillian

"Do human beings ever realize life when they live it? Every, every minute?" - Our Town

2010-07-09T21:41:00.001-07:00

I was fortunate enough to get see a brief part of a lightening storm tonight. I was with my friend Cameron and we'd just made a run to the store for some junk food before we settled in for the night to watch Will & Grace. I really wanted to climb onto the roof of their condo and watch the sky continue to light up, but Cameron wanted to get started with our marathon as we usually watched 4-6 episodes and that could take a while.

But, luckily for me, he got distracted on the computer and I ducked out the window. I wasn't planning on it. At first it was just my head out the window, smelling the wind as it blew the storm closer to Provo. Then I swung my legs over the windowsill, feeling the rough tiles under my toes, and eventually, I slid my body out onto the raked roof.

The wind was whipping the trees around, blowing old leaves and dried out seadpods and cotton in random patterns. They would go one way, then the other, as the storm closed in on the town. The smell was amazing, a mix of fresh rain and old dust, and the sky was cut wide by bright flashes of electricity. Some would get caught behind the clouds, illuminating the sky in a vibrant white purple glow that silhouetted the trees and the mountains on my right. A few seconds after the light would come the sound, crackling and building as a force from far away slowing rumbling to its climax.

All the while the wind hissed through my ears, blowing my hair over my bare shoulders, stroking my bare legs, whipping me with little pieces of debris from the approaching storm.

As I sat there I thought "this is my life. I am living this right now." And I was suddenly so grateful to my Heavenly Father to be placed on this earth at this moment in time to experience this beautiful occurrence. And I was sad for all those who couldn't feel what I was feeling, those who couldn't see the beauty in a storm. Those who couldn't see God in every raindrop.

We get so caught up in the mundane parts of everyday life. If rain happens we worry if we rolled up the windows, mourn the loss of our barbecue, become frustrated because we'd just washed the car. We gloss over the beauties we see without a second thought.

A friend once asked if I thought Heavenly Father made beautiful things on purpose or if they just happened naturally during the creation. Personally, I think He made them on purpose as a reminder to us narrow-sighted humans that He is there all around us. To me, a waterfall, a mountain, a rainbow, they're all testaments of God's love, just like that lightening storm. A sort of heavenly hug, where, for a second, we can see the beauty and omnipotence of God.

"It's like God's looking right at you, just for a second, and if you're careful...you can look right back." - American Beauty

A less artistic Post Secret

2010-07-06T18:13:00.000-07:00

Here are some less than stellar facts about me:

I get really upset sometimes

I'm demanding

I have a jealous streak

I'm impatient

I want to know everything.

If I don't get something I want it frustrates me to no end

I need constant validation

I'm argumentative

I need to vent

I'm afraid of failure and rejection

I hate sharing information that makes me vulnerable, especially when I don't know what the person I shared it with is feeling

I need to be wanted

I have this tendency to say things I'm feeling, then wish them unsaid

I'll push someone away so they won't do it to me first

I'm afraid of admitting what I want for fear of not getting it, or worse, of getting it and discovering it's not actually something I wanted

I still don't know exactly what love is

Happiness is finding a pencil...

2010-06-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

Things that make me happy today:

Creaming Ryan as it was his last day at work.

Making pretty good money.

The table volunteering to be the last on my priority list as they could see I'd been double and triple sat.

Finishing two Stats assignments - before they're due!

Talking to Stanley and getting cute text messages from him right when I think I'm going to lose it.

Eating homemade curry while watching "Up" with Shannon.

Working with Katie and Kristi.

Talking to the advisor about Washington Seminar and realizing it has a very high likelihood of happening.

Talking to my Academic Advisor and realizing there's someone who can actually help me out with this whole eventual graduation thing.

Thinking about my "Religion and the Law" history seminar class I'm taking in a few weeks.

Listening to Jack's Mannequin and Colbie Caillat as I walked across campus.

Knowing tomorrow's going to be a great day.

Blast from the Past

2010-06-20T10:46:00.000-07:00

I thought my blog could do with a small face-lift. My blog has been the same ever since my junior year of high school when I started it.

You know, I was just thinking about how far back this blog actually goes. If you were to read some of my very first entries you'd find a girl unsure with her life, loving but insecure with herself and her friends, questioning things and thinking out loud. My life and my mindset have changed so much in the last five years. My old friendships have changed, I new friends have come and gone, I'm in a town going to a school I never thought I'd attend, pursuing a career I thought I didn't want, working at a job that never had occurred to me and dating a person I couldn't have imagined. I had always thought if I made it to 21 and was unmarried I'd be on a mission!

But there are still so many similarities between myself then and now. I'm still questioning and I'm still finding myself in this crazy life I've built and had erected. I'm feverishly trying to keep my head above water as I navigate through an unfamiliar world of financial aid, internships, and bills.

In honor of this, I'd like to post a picture from different times. Times that may not have been simpler, just maybe a little more straightforward.

Road-trip Itinerary

2010-06-01T11:55:00.000-07:00

Okay folksies! Stanley and I finally sat down and actually figured out the plan for our trip next week. And by we sat down and figured it out I mean we already had it sorta planned out in our heads but Stanley wanted us to write it down and plan out the details. Here it is:

Tuesday, June 8th:

10 a.m. - leave Stanley's house in South Jordan.

6 p.m. - arrive in the L.G. This is a rough guesstimate for how long it will take us

7 p.m. - watch final episode of Glee *sniffle* We will miss you Mr. Schue!

*Free time to hang out with people afterwards*

Wednesday, June 9th:

Jess, Paxti and Vallin come down to hang out with us while Mom and Dad are out of town at a Dr.'s appointment. I also might be helping mi madre with dance auditions this night as she will still be recovering from surgery.

*Free time to hang out with people afterwards...I think...*

Thursday, June 10th:

3:30 p.m. - Dr's appointment! I will then force Stanley to pick out frames with me

5 p.m. = *We can probably hang out this night and possibly during the day as well, though the nephew may be in tow for a little part of it, depending on how my mom is feeling*

Friday, June 11th:

Another early morning Dr.'s appointment for Jillian! Woohoo!

12 p.m. Leave for Sun Valley

7 p.m. arrive in Sun Valley

Saturday, June 12th

Playday in Sun Valley. I'm leaving the planning of the details to Stanley.

Sunday, June 13th

More time in the valley of the sun. Maybe we'll stalk Bruce Willis. And probably go to church.

Monday, June 14th

10 a.m. - leave Sun Valley

2 p.m. - Arrive in good ol' Rexburg, Idaho

*Free time to play with friends and family!*

Tuesday, June 15th

7 a.m. - Leave Rexburg

9 a.m. - Arrive in Jackson WY! We'll probably eat at Norah's in Wilson for breakfast. So good!

*Free time in Jackson!!*

6 p.m. Watch the shoot-out

7:30 p.m. Watch Danica in Annie Get Your Gun

12 a.m. Drive into the park to find somewhere to camp

Wednesday, June 16th

Play in park all day!

6 p.m. Head back to South Jordan

So there you go folks! There are obviously some parts where things aren't completely planned. Friends in La Grande, Rexburg, and Jackson, feel free to contact me if you want to play! I've gotten in touch with most of you already, but especially if we haven't set anything in stone feel free to text me!

See you guys soon!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Check this hand, cuz I'm marvelous...

2010-05-27T19:31:00.000-07:00

Remember that one time I was horrible about blogging?

Yeah...I do too.

But, in my defense, I was really, really good at it for a while. Unlike some people. Like Jennifer. I think it is fair to say I have infinitely better blogging habits.

You know you love me. :)

So much to update on! And yet, not really. I spent most of my time at work or with Stanley. Unfortunately, the two don't overlap anymore which makes me sad. He and I had many good times at work, judging fellow servers as well as the guests at our tables, rolling silverware in the back while singing Lady Gaga, being judged by Todd. *sigh* oh the memories.

However, we are doing pretty well making new memories outside of the good ol' Mac Shack. Since I last posted, he graduated from the U (he stood up to be honored no less than 15 times...not even joking...) while I entertained myself by playing hangman with his little sister and singing along with his mother while the band played show tunes.

The graduation itself was a little tedious, but it was really fun to see him get recognized for all the effort and hard work that he's put in the last 4 years. Plus hanging out with his family is always super fun, so that was a bonus.

We also went up to Logan the other day to go skeet shooting. Ohmigosh, so much fun. It reminded me of home and the good, wonderfully classy instituted activities we'd have going shooting on a Saturday morning. I must say, I did pretty well. Though that was mostly due to them going easy on me when they threw the skeets so I would out-shoot Stanley. Either way, I'm not complaining.

Anyhoo, after a long night of collecting album artwork, and filling out FAFSA forms, I'm feeling the need to sleep, despite the fact that I slept around 10 hours last night. Considering I spent half my day running around refilling waters, restocking bread, and singing Happy Birthday, I think that's okay though. Night all!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Welcome to the Mac Shack, please eat our olives!

2010-04-20T10:30:00.000-07:00

Today, I would like to dedicate this blog to some of the finer things that are said at my home away from home, Macaroni Grill.

"Let me tell you a little secret about Victoria. I love America. I'm pretty much the most patriotic person I know. When I'm hostessing, I color the floor-chart with red and blue, so then it's red white and blue." - Victoria, Hostess

"Most people don't even know what fascism is. They hear fascism and think 'Oh no! Nazi's!" - Ben, server, whilst discussing Bella Ciao, the fascist march we sing in the restaurant. ...we don't tell anyone it's a fascist war song.

"Juan, is it worse for me to be chewing gum or sucking on a cough drop?"

"Well...I've always liked the word sucking. Just the action itself is more pleasant and it's a fun word. So I'd say chewing gum is worse. Always go with sucking." - Juan, General Manager

"Dude, the guy at that table is seriously a James Bond villain. I went to the table and was like 'where would you like the tomato bruschetta?' and he was all 'I'm going to kill you.' ...okay, he didn't really say that..." - Brad, server runner extraordinaire.

"So I was like 'WTF?'"

"...I can't believe you actually just said that."

"Said what?"

"WTF."

"Oh...welcome to Provo." - Me and the new manager, Katie, from California.

2010-04-16T11:14:00.000-07:00

SCREW IT! I'm going to the store and buying cough syrup and cough drops!

I'm giving in.

I am, indeed, sick.

There, I said it. Ya happy fate?! Huh?! Think you're some big shot because I'm spending money on nasty tasting pharmaceuticals!? Well you can't get me down! I will chug that Dayquil and be back kicking the trash out of my finals in no time! So don't get all cocky and think you've won!!!

My body needs a break.

Confessions of a Compulsive Procrastinator

2010-04-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

1) I've eaten anything and everything the past few days. I'm not sure why. I just constantly want food. And no, I'm not dehydrated, I drink lots of liquids and have to pee quite often, as I'm sure Stanley will attest.

2) I. LOVE. READING. Not so much of the textbook variety, though certain textbooks are so much fun to read. Like my poli-sci book for instance. No, I'm talking about regular novel, plot and story driven books. I've put this love on the back burner recently...until I borrowed Harry Potter. I received it Monday at noon and finished it last night at three. I become a complete recluse when I have a good book. I have this bad tendency to ditch out on social situations when I could be reading instead. I only stop reading so I could hang out with someone once, though I was often tempted by good friends and Oreo's. I know, I know, intense.

3) I'm over finals. Seriously. I haven't even taken any of mine yet and I'm done with them. I think it's because in my mind I know I can't really force myself to learn anything new in the few days before I take the tests, all that there is to do is review and refresh the information, and you can only spend so much time doing that before it becomes counter-productive.

4) I really enjoy my boyfriend. I think he's cute and pretty fantastic.

5) I sometimes tell people I miss them when I don't. I feel like it's an obligatory response when someone says they miss me. And unless I really DON'T miss someone, like, I'm enjoying NOT being with them I'll usually say it back to them. Odds are at some point in my life I've thought about them and gone "Oh, sad, I haven't seen them for a while. That should be changed." Because of this rationale, I do not feel saying I miss them if I don't is a lie.

6) When I tell someone I love them, I am, in a sense, saying I enjoy them, their company, and the exploits we share together. Usually this is accompanied by at least a minor interest in their life, more often than not, a major interest in their life. That being said, I've been very VERY careful not to tell anyone I'm IN love with them, as that's something entirely different to me. Though I can't say exactly how it's different. That whole IN love thing is something I'm still trying to define.

7) I am sometimes frustrated by how much I care for people and how inadequate I am at expressing said feelings.

8) I love singing. And I miss it. I'm so glad we're doing this little jam session things once a week.

9) I wish I played the piano. I feel like a failure sometimes because all I can do is sing. And play the baritone horn. But, really? The baritone horn? Yeah... At least if I played the piano I could accompany myself and others, which would be brilliant.

10) I went to Passover with Stanley last Saturday. Being with him and the service itself were both wonderful.

11) I want sushi. It's kind of a constant need. That and Thai curry. I really should learn how to make it.

12) Today, whilst sitting outside in the sun, on Stanley's U of U blanket, in a tank top, wearing my little cross necklace, I couldn't help but realize I'm not exactly the typical BYU co-ed. I don't think it's possible for me to rat my hair enough to become so.

13) I love photography. Sometimes I wish I had a camera that was actually capable of capturing the nuances that you can see with the naked eye. I also wish I was better at carrying around my camera so I could at least attempt to capture some of the beauty I see all around me. Like the other night on temple square. That would've been a beautiful picture opportunity, but alas, I fail.

14) IT'S SPRING! And by spring I mean it only snows a little bit, broken with intermittent periods of beauty and warmth! And the grass is so beautiful and green, the trees beginning to bud slightly, and the flowers are opening themselves to the warmth and growth the sun offers. *sigh* Heavenly.

15) I've officially spent a half hour typing this instead of studying my anthropology readings. I love my life :) Time to be productive and go to a review session!

Toodles!

-Jillian

Spring Break 2010

2010-03-30T12:00:00.000-07:00

So.

Here's what I'm thinking. I'm supposed to write a paper for my PoliSci class about a policy that I want to have changed. When I heard about this assignment I knew exactly what policy it was that I wanted to change. It's a policy that's driven me insane the past two years, and that's the fact that BYU doesn't have a spring break.

I've talked to different professors about this and they all say the same thing. Around the 2nd week in March attendance drops off and those that do attend class look like zombies and participate less in class discussion. Around the end of March attendance picks up again, discussion continues and things go back to normal.

I've come across many reasons why BYU doesn't have a spring break and some of them have more validity than others. I've heard that we used to have one but because so many students got into shenanigans that were not honor code approved that they did away with it. I've heard they leave out the break so we can end our semester earlier and allow for more time at internships and jobs during the break. I've heard that because so much goes on on our campus that isn't school related (for instance, Education week which overruns this place for one week every summer) the academic schedule just doesn't allow for students to take a break off while still maintaining it's accreditation.

What I want to know is if those reasons outweigh the mental and physical benefits that would come to both students and professors if we had a break? Even just two days off around Easter or conference so students could go home or just relax for a day or two without having to worry about the next assignment that's due.

Another problem raised is that midterms happens right before the spring break should be, meaning that finals come faster and sooner than they would at any other academic institution. This causes HUGE burnout.

So.

What I'm doing right now is looking at what it takes for BYU to be accredited and how much pushing back our graduation dates and such by one week would really affect internship opportunities. Also, I need to figure out exactly who to address this problem to.

One thing I discussed with my professor is instead of labeling it as a "Spring Break" we labeled it as a campus wide service week. Classes are canceled and opportunities are set up on campus for those who choose to stay here, there are excursions to other cities and states (like Utah's Alternative Spring Break) set up through the school so students are able to branch out and experience other demographics and problems than you'd typically find here in Provo and the Happy Valley. Or, of course, if students choose to go home they can perform X amount of service (say, 10 or 15 hrs for the week) of their own choosing in their home town.

One of the aims of a BYU education is to provide students with the ability to serve and develop skills that could be useful in life. Unfortunately, a lot of students - due to time constraints between work and school - aren't able to take full advantage of the service organizations. By canceling classes for that week it alleviates those problems. Also, it creates something impressive to add to a resume for those who are planning on moving on to grad school.

Convinced? Cuz I am. :)

Ode to my body

2010-03-25T16:21:00.000-07:00

Dear body,

Thank you so much for being amazing, even after I'm so mean to you. I don't take you out for walks and runs as often as I should, I don't stretch you often enough, don't give you enough water, and stuff far too much sugar inside of you. Thank you for sticking through it all. I promise to do better in the future and treat you like the gift you are.

-Jillian

Factoids.

2010-03-22T22:00:00.001-07:00

Fact:

Don't be a ridiculously demanding table in a restaraunt and tip your server - who did EVERYTHING you asked - for $6 on a $75 check. If you can't afford more, don't buy that extra appettizer and giver her the $7 you would've spent.

Fact:

While spring is beautiful and wonderful the allergies that accompany it are not. Especially when combined with copious amounts of sugar. Said combination can lead to a migrane which will lead to large intakes of caffeine which will lead to you having the shakes and an inability to sleep.

Fact:

It's not a good thing to look at your bank statement and go "wait...what is that charge for? When did I buy something THERE?" only to realize you bought something in a half-concious state at 6 in the morning. Or when you're out with one of your gays.

Fact:

Motivation can sometimes be a mindset. Like finding the motivation to shower. Sometimes you feel it, sometimes you don't. I think this should probably be felt more than twice a week.

Fact:

Sometimes you just need to sing. Sometimes you just need to dance around in your underwear with your I-pod on. Sometimes you need to text your boyfriend that while dancing in your underwear you danced into the wall of your hallway. Again.

Fact:

Very few people comment on my blog. Mostly because the people who read it and would comment on it decide to text or call me instead of writing anything. So the comments I get are usually some guy trying to sell me Viagra from Canada. Which, in case you haven't noticed, isn't really helpful to me.

Fact:

Blogging can be a way to avoid homework. As long as it serves its purpose.

Toodles!

-Jillian

Emotionally Hungover...

2010-03-18T12:43:00.001-07:00

Happy is the heart that still feels pain
Darkness drains and light will come again
Swing open your chest and let it in
Just let the love, love, love begin...

It's funny. At BYU I encounter a lot of people who force themselves into feeling more for people than they do just because they're so in love with the idea of being in love.

I'm the opposite.

I often talk myself OUT of caring for people. I'm actually quite good at it. I self-destruct usually a week or two after I realize feelings are reciprocated, showing them my insane side, finding any possible flaw or problem and exacerbating it until I convince myself and the other person that it's just not supposed to work out.

This is a hard thing to do, believe it or not. I do it to defend myself from possible hurt, but by the time I do this I've already developed feelings for the person so alienating them is actually painful to me. But I tell myself that this was going to happen eventually so it was probably better that it happened when I was less attatched than more.

Logical, yes?

And completely insane and masochistic.

I'm on an Ingrid Michaelson trip right now (hence the above lyrics) and I feel this describes me well:

She says you're a masochist for falling for me
So roll-up your sleeves...
And I think that I like her
Because she tells me things I don't want to hear
Medicinal tongue in my ear

When will it stop, when will it stop?

When will I feel all soft on the inside?

You say my skin feels like nobody else's
Like it's different somehow
But I don't understand
Isn't a hand just a hand?

When will it start, my broken part?

When will I feel all soft on the inside?

She says you're a masochist for falling for me...

I don't want anyone to suppose I do this for the specific purpose of protecting myself, though that is a large part of it. I've been exposed to a culture where people believe themselves to be in love easily and make decisions - BIG decisions - based on those simple feelings. I suppose in my mind if I put those feelings to the test and break them before they become too strong I'll be able to make sure I never have to turn to someone and tell them I'm out of love with them because I didn't understand what love was. Tell them I lied to them and led them on and oh, so sorry.

I tend to be a little gung-ho about this. Hence why I feel that anyone who develops feelings for me is a masochist. I'll be hot one minute and cold the next, be the most doting girlfriend in one conversation and then smash them to the wall five minutes later.

The real questions is, I suppose, what do I actually want? Behind all these habits and defenses, what are my actual desires? I guess I'm still figuring those out.

What if we stop having a ball?
What if the paint chips from the wall?
What if there's always cups in the sink?
And what if I'm not what you think I am?

What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?
What if I never let you win?
And chase you with a rolling pin?
Well, what if I do?

I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up...

2010-03-16T00:43:00.000-07:00

You told me about Captain Hook

And all of his men

Who followed Peter with a hook replaces as his hand

In those tales bad guys seldom did win

So the captain was eaten, and Wendy had twins

Well, that's the story as I recall

But I may have made up the end

Don't remember much at three feet tall

except for when I'd say,

Mom,

Let me go to Never Neverland,

Let me fly for one day

Throw that fairy dust in my hair

So I pretend I'm flying away

I'm flying away

Well, to my surprise I grew up too fast,

and that easy life of tinkerbell, it never did last

So I'd silently dream myself far far away

Where I could be immortalized like Peter one day

And that's my childhood as I recall

Though in some ways it never did end

And now I'm standing, well, a little bit taller

Except for when I say

Mom,

Let me go to Never Neverland,

Let me fly for one day

And throw that fairy dust in my hair

so I pretend I'm flying away

I'm fying away!

And though life is never easy

As we as children read in the book

Where fairy dust can just fly you so far awy

And all I ask is that you leave me my imagination

Where I can pretend I'm flying away

I'm flying away, and that is where I'll stay

Right there in Never Neverland

I'll be flying, I'll be dying

For love, appreciation

Where mermaids would sing and fairies would ring

Right down there in Never Neverland

And it's second to the left and straight on until morning

Or was it second to the right and straight on until morning?

In Never Neverland

My Never Neverland

Expressions

2010-03-13T13:37:00.001-08:00

This...has been an odd week for me. I don't know how else to describe it. I find I describe things better in words when my brain if functioning on sleep and that I can describe my emotions and feelings better through music and drawing when I'm tired. And as I'm running on 10 hours of sleep for the past 2 days, I choose this picture:

I drew it yesterday while I was soaking up some sunlight on rape hill. It was such an awesome experience.

And now it's snowing. What. The hell.

I hate when I can't express myself through words. To me that's the epitome of frustration, when you can't explain something adequately because the words don't exist, or - even worse - you don't know exactly what you're trying to express.

I guess that's really what my problem was growing up and the one I continue to struggle with today. I have so many people around me who are able and more than willing to listen to my problems but I've always felt afraid to burden them with my troubles or express an vulnerable emotion to them.

Except now I'm wondering if it isn't the fear of being a burden or exposing myself so openly to someone as it is I don't know how to verbalize my feelings. When people ask what's wrong, I don't think they realize I give them an accurate response most of the time when I say I don't know.

I'm a fairly independent person. I try not to attatch myself too horribly strong to any one person and I can get myself out of almost any situation I get myself into. I know how to get things done.

That being said, I need advice and opinions and people in my life. I have to talk through my feelings and thoughts to understandy why I am the way I am and feel the way I feel. I can sometimes achieve that through writing - hence the blog and journal I keep with me at all times - but sometimes writing just doesn't cut it. Sometimes I need someone to ask me the questions I'm afraid to ask myself or to take what I'm saying and peice it together for me because I'm too close to the situation and emotions to understand it all. Sometimes I just need someone who'll sit with me and hold my hand or play with my hair while I struggle to discover things for myself.

And that's why I don't do that very often with people. When they ask what's wrong and what they can do to help I don't think they realize exactly how much they'd be in for if I took them up on their offer. This isn't to say that none of them would be up for it. I think most of my close friends and family would be fine playing psychiatrist to me, at least every once and a while. It's just that sometimes it's neither the time nor the place for a long winded psychological evaluation.

That being said, I took an interesting surve today on how my 'social needs' are being met by BYU. Ad I realized they're not. And maybe it's because I don't allow it too or maybe I allow my prejudices to blind me to the potential of my fellow students. But it's just sometimes I can't help but feel that the average BYU student doesn't look beyond what social events they're planning on attending for the evening or if their boyfriend of two weeks is going to propose.

Like today, we finished a service project and were hanging out at one of the guys' apartments eating the refreshments and two of the roommates started talking. The synopsis of the story is one of the guys went on a date last night with girl 1 and was supposed to go on a date tonight with girl 2, but girl 2 ditched on him. So the other roommate was like "dude...ask girl 3" (obviously, he used a name, I just can't remember it right now) and the first guy was like "Oh...yeah...I like her. Will you put in a good word for me?" and thus continued the conversation.

It was weird for me. And I don't know why it bothers me. Actually, yes, I think I do. BYU gets a bum wrap for being a school all about finding an eternal partner and forming eternal units and being a light to all the other people in the world with our familial stability and intellectual correctness. And you know what, I can understand that. Surely there are those who go here who don't have the mindset of "Oh no, I'm graduating from BYU in a year and I'm not married yet, what am I going to do?" but we tend to blend more into the background.

I'm sure there are those who actually think about political and social issues and decide what they believe instead of just assuming every word coming from the mouths of professors or the Daily Universe or other political pundits. But again, when you feel like a minority in an incredibly homogenous group of people it's easier to find a social network that's not sponsered by BYU. Which is why, in my free time (all 7 hours of it that I have a week) you'll find me hanging out with my gays or up in Salt Lake discussing politics, relationships and life outside of college with my girls at a brewery. It's just that whenever I attend BYU functions I feel so...ostracized and contaminated at the same time.

But I suppose this is hypocritical of me. I'm judging these people and I don't know them. It just weirds me out when people start a conversation with me by asking the same standard questions: What's your major? Are you dating anyone? How serious is it? What does he do? (and you know they ask that because they want to know if his profession will help support a family). I try and keep those conversations as superficial as possible (because that's what you do at Ward functions, form superficial relationships where you're always happy to see the people) and avoid making any political comments or talking about my actual feelings on relationships. I just smile and nod a lot. Oh, and comment on their clothes and shoes. And their hair too. That much back-combing takes time and effort. You just try not to stir the pot.

So yes, that stereotype of BYU exists and it survives and thrives because the students allow it and perpetuate it!

There must be a reason why I'm at BYU. I just have to figure it out.

Toodles.

-Jillian

2010-03-12T02:14:00.000-08:00

Most recently I've been noticing awkward words in very public places. Except they don't really exist. Like my friend had some kind of rotating billboard thingy on her blog and while it was flipping from one part of a saying to another I had the words "dancing" and waiting" merge in my mind and create the word "farting."

I found this an awkward word to have flashing on a fairly feminine well-put together blog. I then dedicated all of my attention (well, as much as I can usually give at one time, probably around 80%) and realized I'd misread it. And thrown some extra letters in there, just for good measure.

This happened the other day on a license plate. It said "boots" and to my quickly flitting eye I thought it said "boobs." Oddly enough, this was less disconcerting than seeing "farting" on my friends blog. Apparenlty I expect total strangers to have the word "boobs" plastered on their car.

I need to stop staying up to all hours writing papers. Thank heavens for the 7-11 down the street. Though I'm noticing that some skeevy people hang out there starting around the weekend. Meaning tonight. I should probably stick to my late night walkings with poli-sci papers which are typically due on Wednesdays. No creepers are there on Tuesdays.

But you know, as awesome as it would be to someday master this inability to focus and do things more than say, oh, I don't know, 12 hours before they're due, I don't know if I will ever be able to accomplish that. This does not bode well for history 490. Hello Senior Capstone paper. I might need more than 12 hours and 64 oz of Mt. Dew for that one...

Le sigh...anyway, time to B.S. a bibliography. I don't even know how to cite a scientific paper. I don't write these things...

Toodles!

-Jillian

Spark of Creation...

2010-03-10T18:30:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vk-da4405o0

Everyone should watch this video. I love it. Love, love, love. Not only is Natalie Weiss amazing, she's singing one of my all-time favorite songs. So enjoy world.

Toodles!

-Jillian

The inner-workings of Jillian while writing a paper

2010-03-03T01:10:00.001-08:00

I thought some of you might find this entertaining, so here...

11:15 should be starting on paper. Too busy thinking about night with Stanley to focus.

11:29 I'm giving up. Going to get Mt. Dew and SmartPop from 7-11 down the street

11:49 Hmmmm...it would seem silly to start the paper before midnight at this point. Might as well wait until then. Hello Facebook!

11:58 Stanley made it home safe. Now he can help me with some of the citations on my paper. Hooray!

12:21 Not finding many references on the bill I'm looking for. I need specific figures to make the point I need.

12:24 Just found out Stanley apparenlty wrote the speech I'm supposed to be citing. Wow. Really should have done more research for the paper while he was actually with me and not falling asleep 40 miles away in Salt Lake.

12:42 bored with eating Smartpop, moving onto leftover quiche

1:02 I've become massively distracted reading about some of the other bills coming up before the legislature. They're contemplating cutting the 12th grade? REALLY? Who ARE these people?

1:14 Okay, focusing on writing the paper. I just need to get started, than the ideas will flow forth from my fingers like brilliance!

1:20 I'm thinking I maybe should have actually read an op-ed piece before I attempted to write one. Oh well. Too late now.

1:36 Perfect! I figured out the points I want to make! I love it!

1:54 Uh-oh, out of Mt. Dew. I'd better get this done before I have to walk down to the 7-11 again. This time I might give in and buy Laffy-Taffy

1:56 So the paper's supposed to be 700 words. The introduction alone is 200. I'm screwed.

2:01 What if I choose to emphasize in American history, focusing on the evolution of women's role in society? I think that would be cool, albeit completely unrelated to my task at hand.

2:19 Okay, covered topic number one and am almost halfway to my word limit. This essay may need some cropping at the end of the day...

2:22 Sometimes I don't understand the formatting on my computer. It likes to jump between double and single spaces all the time. Not cool.

2:33 Juuuuuuuust hit a wall. I'm hearing odd buzzings in my ears. I think I'm going to go wash my face and brush my teeth then return to keep plugging away.

2:44 Back and feeling a little more awake. And good news! I'm moving on to the third of three issues and I'm only at 350 words! Yay! I may be able to do this yet!

2:47 I somehow just managed to erase my entire paper. Thanks heavens for the undo button! I was scared there for a few seconds when the entire screen went blank.

2:50 I wonder how my parents would feel about this paper. Not only am I saying the federal government should have power in this instance, I'm also fighting for gun-control. Hmmm...Rush Limbaugh would be so disapointed, not to mention Glenn Beck.

3:06 I've officially made all my arguments, however lucidly, and have 25 words until I've reached the low point of my word count. All I have to do is conclude the paper in 25-225 words and I'll be okay. Sometimes, things just work out, ya know?

3:13 I forgot there were some points I wanted to make. Now I have to go back and re-vamp some things but I'm worried in my half-dazed state what I write won't make sense. Half the time I think it's brilliance the other half...well...less than brilliant.

3:33 I really need to stop writing. I'm 11 words away from my limit.

3:42 Start working on works cited page. Yay endnotes!

4:03 finished with works cited page! Hurrah! I really wish I had my Hacker Handbook but I think I left it in La Grande. I'll have to pick it up when I come up in May.

4:10 re-read it. There are parts I definitely like and parts I most definitely don't like. Oh well. I'll re-edit it in the morning. The ending most definitely needs work and I might thin out the introduction as well since it's supposed to grab the reader.

4:13 Send essay to myself via e-mail to print off in the library in the morning...and by in the morning I mean in five hours...probably less than that since I'll have to reformat everything. And I still need to come up with a witty title...

4:18 Bed time. Praise Allah.

2010-03-02T23:57:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I just wish I could hook my soul up to another person so they could understand what I'm feeling. I suppose understand would be an incorrect term. Empathize and actually KNOW what I was feeling and thinking. I hate that I have to try and explain what I'm feeling to people. It would be so much easier if they just knew my feelings the way I do.

I feel so inarticulate at times. Mostly though, I'm afraid that people will misinterpret what I'm trying to express. Sometimes - actually, more often then I'd like to think - I think I use words that make sense in my heard but other people find difficult to understand or comprehend why they apply in the context that I put them.

This is my current frustration.

It seems like no matter how much I talk about something none of the advice I get on the subject is actually applicable.

Maybe I don't understand the situation well enough, which prohibits me from expressing it in a way that's understandable to anyone else. This is also a viable option.

Communication through Lyrics

2010-03-01T21:01:00.000-08:00

I love this song. Most of you should know it, but if you don't, it's from the musical "Songs for a New World" and it's brilliant. I think it can be interpreted in so many different ways. I highlighted my favorite parts, but as I said, everyone I've talked to about this song has felt a different way about it.

Jenny's afraid of water
I mean, she swims so well, but still,
She's afraid of water
And so she won't go near the sea.

Not me.

Katie's afraid of darkness.

I mean, she sleeps and all, but still

She's afraid of darkness

So when the lights are out she has to hold my hand.

I don't understand.

I'm not afraid of anything,
Be it mountains, water, dragons, dark or sky.
I'm not afraid of anything
Tell me, where's the challenge if you never try?
So watch me fly

I'm not afraid.

Daddy's afraid of babies.

I mean, he got through me, but now

He's afraid of babies.

Guess he's scared of what they'll be

Not me.

And Mama's afraid of crying
You know, she tries to hold it in
But she's afraid of crying.
And she looks at me with tears stuck in her eyes

And I don't know why.

I'm not afraid of anything
Be it growing old or going out of style.
I'm not afraid of anything
Who would give up what they want without a trial?
Another mile.

I'm not afraid

And I hear the calling of adventure,
And I hear the ringing in my ears
The lights are glaring,
Trumpets blaring
I'm right here!
And I hear the calling of tomorrow,
And I feel the stirring in my bnes
And David loves me
...He's afraid to hold me...

Listen to the calling of excitement!
Can you feel it pounding in my heart?
The lights are ready,
Pulse is steady,
I can start!

Never stop the calling of the challenge
Blessings on the water and the stone
And David loves me
...He's afraid to tell me.
David loves me.
...He's afraid to trust me.
...He's afraid to hold me
And he'll always be.

He's afraid of me...

And I'm not afraid of anyone!
I am sure to win with anyone at all
I'm not afraid of anyone
Not a soul alive can get behind this wall.
So let them call,
And let them fall,
Cause after all
I'm not afraid...

Snapshot from my life; February 23, 4:03 p.m.

2010-02-23T14:41:00.001-08:00

Random facts from my life at this precise moment:

1) I suddenly want to have babies. Where did THAT come from, you may ask? Honestly, I have no idea. But don't worry, I'm sure this will pass in an hour or two.

2) I'm moderately frustrated. There are 22+ servers at work and only 7 were scheduled to work tonight. I needed tonight off and of the 15+ servers who weren't working do you know how many said they could cover my shift, even for an hour while I had cleaning checks? That's right, a big fat ZERO!

3) I miss kids. Spending time with Stanley's cousins on Sunday was really really fun and it made me miss my cute little cousins and adorable nephew. Hmmm...maybe that's where the maternal feeling is coming from. However, I get to help baby-sit baby Bisbeth in a few weeks. I don't think I've ever been this excited to baby-sit before.

4) I'm oddly okay with going to work tonight. My schedules a little crazy and I guess I can't get too upset that people weren't overjoyed to help me out tonight and cover my shift since it's almost impossible for me to pick up anybody else's shifts. Once the schedule is out I sit down and plan my week down to the hour. I usually give myself one night or two to be social, and divy the rest of my few days off between homework and calling things, like meetings and organizating and just being places. Like this week, for instance. Between work, my calling, mid-terms, papers, and review sessions, I've had to schedule time for me to shower and make social calls.

5) I should hang out with Jenn and Nick more often. It seems silly that they live so close and I see them so rarely. Except now I think they like Stanley more than they like me and will only want me around when he's there. This happens to me a lot.

6) I have three midterms and a paper due within the next week. Next Wednesday is my celebration night. That is the day of my last mid-term and when my second paper is due for Poli-Sci.

7) We have two mid-terms in Poli-Sci. I got the grade back on the first one. 92%. I didn't even tell them it was my birthday either.

8) I got a pencil from the testing center on my birthday. Really. A pencil. It said "Happy Birthday, from the Testing Center."

9) I just discovered there's a music room in the testing center. This is amazing to me since I illegally sneak my i-pod in and listen to it the entire time, despite that being majorly against the rules. This way I won't be breaking any rules and risk the possibility of getting caught and failing my mid-terms. Now I just have to figure out where it is and how to qualify to take a test in there.

10) I'm going to celebrate the end of mid-terms by having a movie and curry night with Emily. I miss her and am greatly excited by our plans: three amazing things in one night: film, food, and friends :)

Toodles!

-Jillian

My brain is a solute and chemistry is most definitely NOT a solvent...

2010-02-17T11:19:00.000-08:00

Can I just take a moment out of my life to state how much I dislike chemistry? Because I really do. I understand that it's part of our lives in a very pertinent daily way, but this doesn't mean I have to like it. I appreciate it. I understand that it's there. However, I do not really care about the moles of Chlorine found in magnesium chloride. Sorry. Call me a horrible person if you choose. I just don't care. My life will go on without this knowledge.

That being said, I am aware that a lot of my dislike for chemistry comes from my complete lack of aptitude for it. Chemistry and I? We just don't work.

That being said, for those who may not know, I have a boyfriend. He's very cute. And I like him a lot.

Not much else is new in my life. I had dinner at Jenn and Nick's on Monday and it was fun. I'm currently reading the New York times before I have to go and, yet again, subject myself to another chemistry lecture.

I have to say, I feel really bad for my professor. He's so passionate and excited about Chemistry and this class that he's teaching most definitely is not. It would be very frustrating to teach a class about something you find so wonderful and invigorating only to have your students zone out and not care at all about it.

I also find it funny how hypocritical I am sometimes. When people ask stupid questions about the midterm for Poli-Sci I totally judge them. One student raised his hand and asked what he had to memorize for the test. When the T.A.'s answered that you needed to have a comprehensive knowledge of lectures, readings, and critical terms you could tell the guy was upset that he actually had to take things from the class and possibly apply them using his own mental powers. I mocked him mentally because I don't understand how anyone could go to go a political science class and not find it at least a little interesting. Sure, our lecture on polling today was a little dry, but still, I would choose listening to that for hours on end than go to a chemistry lecture on molecular shapes. With chemistry lectures I can usually make it about half an hour before the old brain starts thinking of happier things, like dead puppies or poverty in third world countries.

...that was the use of over exaggeration to make a point. In case you couldn't tell.

That being said, I should probably pack up and head to class. I brought two cuties and some goldfish to munch on today, so hopefully I can actually stay awake and pay attention.

Seriously, this stuff is way over my head.

Toodles!

-Jillian

Attention, attention please!

2010-02-02T09:31:00.001-08:00

This is an adendum to my previous post (see below.) I am not in love, nor do I plan on being that way any time soon. This blog isn't about one specific person - unless that person happens to be me. The men referred to include a large assortment that have entered my life in the past few years that I've been attracted to.

Thank you. Feel free to go about your day unconcerned.

-Jillian

I am in love with a boy manufactered to destroy...

2010-01-31T15:02:00.000-08:00

Another beautiful lyric from Ingrid Michaelson.

I was talking to Stanley yesterday and we were rocking out to Kelly Clarkson (I love me some Kelly!) when the song "Beautiful Disaster" came on. I've always had a very strong affinity to that song. I remember, very distinctly, walking down the senior hallway at LHS, right by Mr. Jones's math classroom, just past the auditorium, singing that song to myself and thinking "This song is about me, that's the kind of person I'm going to be with." I then realized what I thought and quickly corrected my sub-conscious, saying I was going to have a beautiful normal life.

...Right?

I've always felt - though I've never fully known or verbally realized - that I'm not going to have a cookie cutter suburban life. I wasn't going to be swept off my feet by an RM who also happened to be an Eagle Scout, helped old ladies cross the street, was the Elders Quorum President, refused to watch R-rated movies, hadn't kissed any other girls, and had never sworn in his life. I was not going to marry a Peter Priesthood.

I also think there are people in life who are supposed to help everyone around them solve their issues.

I am one of those people.

I've been told multiple times that I'm good to talk to. And I feel I am. I'm good at listening and asking the questions that get to the root of the problem. I am then good at analyzing said problem and finding a solution. And more importantly, I like it. I like helping people and hearing their stories and figured out why they are what they are.

Maybe because of this I've always been drawn to guys who have issues. Now, I know we all have issues. We're human, and being humans raised by two humans in a society of humans is enough to give you issues without throwing in issues of pornography, divorce, abuse, etc. But there are some people who, when I get to hear their issues, see how strong they are despite the obstacles they've had in their lives - it just makes me care about them so deeply. Usually they haven't solved their problems, they're just covering them up, but especially in those cases, their potential is enormous. I think a lot of the time I'm put there to help them solve their problems so they can reach that possible potential.

I suppose that's what I mean when I say I'm attracted to men who are interesting. Once I figure them out, find their ticks and how they work, I become bored because there's nothing I can help them with. There's nothing new and exciting to keep my attention.

That being said, another plague that drives me insane is the people who don't really want their problems solved. They vent constantly about the issues and I offer good and proper advice to help them out, but they don't take it. That's frustrating. I do not find that attractive.

Anyway, here are the lyrics to the song "Beautiful Disaster."

He drowns in his dreams

An exquisite extreme, I know

He's as damned as he seems

And more heaven than a heart could hold

And if I try to svae him

My whole world could cave in

It just ain't right

Oh and I don't know

I don't know what he's after

But he's so beautiful

Such a beautiful disaster

And if I coul hold on

Through the tears and the laughter

Would it be beautiful?

Or just a beautiful disaster?

He's magic and myth

As strong as what I believe

A tragedy with

more damange than a soul should see

And do I try to change him?

So hard to blame him

Hold on tight

I'm longing for love and the logical

But he's only happy hysterical

I'm waiting for some kind of miracle

Waited so long

So long...

He's soft to the touch

But frayed at the end he breaks

He's never enough

And still he's more than I can take

Oh, 'cause I don't know

I don't know what he's after

But he's so beautiful

Such a beautiful disaster

And if I could hold on

Through the tears and the laughter

Would it be beautiful?

Or just a beautiful disaster?

He's beautiful...

Such a beautiful disaster...

Post: Friday

2010-01-28T21:09:00.000-08:00

So I thought about uploading my polisci paper and having you all read it, but I think that would just be embarrassing. I described that paper so beautifully by saying "if I took a crap in my hand, and smeared it on paper, it would be about as good as that paper."

I think it's a good visual.

The paper probably wasn't THAT horrible. It just could have been better. I made some decisions that led to the procrastination of my writing said paper until 11:30 the night before it was due. Around 3 I started on the bibliography. However, I do not regret said decisions that caused the procrastination. They were worth it. :)

That being said, I'm putting off the second part of my chemistry test. It's not horrible though. I'm almost halfway done with it, and I know at least a fourth of the next part is pretty simple.

I'm excited for the next few days. Tomorrow's going to be pretty busy. I have classes all day, then work, then GIRLS NIGHT!!! I'm so excited!! It'll be fun to get us all together again. If Em comes it'll be the first time we've all been together since the beginning of October - far too long in my opinion. Then, the next morning, Stanley and I are going to breakfast and then playing around in Ikea before I have to work that evening. I can't wait! I haven't seen the kid since Monday night so it'll be fun. Even if I had seen him since Monday it would still be fun, but this makes the anticipation even greater.

Work is interesting. There are still times when I really miss downtown. The people, the managers, people who are actually willing to buy alcohol. Those were good times. But there are some fun people here too. Now that things are finally getting back to normal with Expo-Boy Sean, it's been kind of fun. I model walked down the expo line today and snarfed left-overs in the back with Kristi. I'm joking around with - and by that I mean mocking - the managers. I'm even beginning to think that Dan, Sam, and Aaron don't look exactly the same. Which is progress, let me tell you. However, I am still dreading working Friday and Saturday nights. They are NUTSO. For reals. Last time I worked a Saturday night I had a five table section and kept getting double sat. It was not fun. I seriously almost cried like, 3 times. Once was when I looked over and realized I had a table of 4, 6, and 2 that were all sat at the same time. So yeah, I'm a little apprehensive about work this weekend.

Honestly though, life is teaching me so much right now. I can't even begin to describe how or what, but I can feel it. I can sense it in my head and my heart. It's been interesting meeting up with friends new and old and seeing the changes that have taken place in myself during the past few years. I'm much more honest now. I'm open and will talk about anything. I ask questions I would have been too afraid to ask before. I still struggle to figure out what I'm feeling, but I try and articulate it as much as possible. I'm realizing the disparities between my actions and words and feelings.

Yay American politics!

2010-01-23T20:48:00.001-08:00

Here's my question: Why is this a legitimate prompt?

Many scholars refer to the U.S. Constitution as a "living" document. Many Latter-Day Saint and othe religious leaders refer to the U.S. Constitution as the product of divine inspiration. Compare and contrast these points of view. Are they consistent with each other? In other words, is it possible to have an inspired document that is also living? If so, why? If not, why not?

I feel that the answer to this prompt is obvious and am therefore having a problem answering it in a scholarly way.

Of course it's possible to be a living document and be divinely inspired! That's what scriptures are, duh! What do you think the fulfillment of the Law of Moses is about? The 10 commandments didn't become completel obsolete just because Christ came. They're still there. They're still quoted quite often in church. We just have a higher law now, a new interpretation of this divine commandment, this divine set of laws.

To me, modern revelation is only different from modern constitutional interpretation in that we have direct divine intervention in our interpretations. We don't have that luck with the constitution. I don't know about you, but I haven't had a chance to talk to James Madison anytime in the recent past. Constitutional interpretation is the non-religious equivalent to modern revelation and modern interpretation of scripture.

Also, it seems pretty obvious to me that a document that allows itself to be interpreted through over 2 centuries of intense technological and global change had to have some bit of luck with it that's not of this world. The fact that it even passed and was adopted seems miraculous.

So yes, this prompt seems fairly cut and dry to me. Now if I can just figure out how to word it while citing certain documents and not just pull from my own knowledge.

Toodles!

-Jillian

What the world needs more of is bacon. Not like Francis Bacon, but like BACON bacon.

2010-01-21T09:14:00.000-08:00

I would like to divert all of your attentions to a new artist I'm slowly falling in love with:

Mary Anne Marino.

We saw her perform live yesterday at the Orion Music Festival and I was very well-pleased. Her songs are catchy and lyrically and musically interesting at the same. She's from the singer-songwriter genre, and her sound is...what? Probably Indie/Folk. Maybe a little pop, but only a very little.

Which also reminds me, if you have not yet been turned onto Ingrid Michaelson you need to be. She's brilliant. Favorite song of the moment:

You and I.

Though there is a close second, discovered last night at the festival (You wish to go to the fest-ival? The festival? The FESTival? The KINGS festival?):

Let's Get Married.

The chorus goes as follows

Let's get married, let's have babies
Let's go on holiday and watch late night T.V.
Build a house on a hill, with a porch and a swing
Maybe a cat and a dog and a coupla other things.

It's pretty much brilliant.

I would like to apologize for my current ramblings. I'm a little tired right now, on account of staying up all night. It seemed pointless to go to sleep for two hours only to wake up and go to class. So I didn't. However, I think I might eat my leftover Mexican food and take a nap. Mmmmm...sounds so good!

Toodles!

-Jillian

I can only play with one person a week. This week is not your week. Next week isn't looking very promising either.

2010-01-13T14:11:00.000-08:00

I'm going to start this blog with a journal entry I wrote today during the poli-sci class I didn't pay any attention to. It's okay, he just lectured about how to write the paper that's due in two weeks. He gave us a hand-out and proceeded to pretty much read the entire thing...except with slides to demonstrate. Whatever floats your boat sir. I enjoy your lectures on the constitution but you're a little OCD about papers. I get it, write in MLA and don't sound like an idiot.

Anyway, now to the excerpt:

So part of me feels this need to define my feelings for him, and our relationship as well.

But then I stop and think, no, I don't NEED to define anything and neither does he. We can just be. If we kiss then we kiss. If we talk then we talk. If we date other people then we date other people. I think we both realize we're compatible and attracted to each other at least a little bit. Possibly more than a little bit, depending on the day. But I don't think either one of us is wanting or willing to change the plans we've set in motion so we can stop and have a serious relationship. Which I love.

Getting too serious too soon is the most guaranteed way to kill something that could be educating, exciting, and wonderful. And I think labeling relationships puts restrictions on people that they may begin to resent eventually. If you're happy with someone you don't need to find someone else, and more importantly, you don't WANT to. Yes, you're always going to be attracted to other people. But when you're happy with someone, really, really happy, being attracted to someone else isn't incentive enough to leave that person you're so happy and contented with.

So there it is, my thoughts on relationships. I think it's pretty accurate.

And now for some anecdotes of my life. Critter's been coming over to do homework over here at nights, just because it's easier to do it here than at his place. Apparently he gets less distracted. And I usually feed him. But yesterday, he runs back to his house to grab his graphing calculator for me (stupid Chemistry...) and while he's out there he runs into Joe, our landlord. So they're talking and Joe goes "So, not that it matters much to me, but I've got to ask. Are you guys just friends or something else?"

So not only does our ward think we're dating, now our landlord thinks so too! Haha, of course Critter told him we were just friends, but it still makes me giggle.

Another funny story. With my new I-Pod I downloaded a program that, when I push a certain button, tells me what song is playing. It's a little ghetto and the woman's voice they choose is a little creepy. But the best part is, I've been listening to a lot of Regina Spektor lately, and today while I was printing off an Anthropology paper I kept accidentally hitting the button. But that's not the funny part. The funny part is she says Regina like RagIna. Which is funny, yes? Yes. So I'm laughing to myself the entire walk to the JFSB and all these happy BYU students look at me and smile thinking, "My, that girl is just so happy! I should be happy too!" Little do they know exactly what's making me happy. Baha.

Which brings me to my next funny story. So Stanley and I decided to go to the MOA yesterday (it was AWESOME by the way, in case anyone was wondering. I LOVE the museum here! They always have such interesting exhibits) and on the way there he was telling me this story he was feeling very emphatic about. So as he's talking his voice is getting louder and louder, and as we're walking across the parking lot, almost to the doors, he just projects quite loudly (it wasn't quite a yell) "I mean, what the HELL!?" And this old man, probably around 85 or 90 years old, who's walking slowly across the MOA sidewalk with the aide of some woman, probably his great-great-great-granddaughter, and his cane, turns and gives Stanley and I the dirtiest look you have ever seen. He seriously stops his movement, loosing all the momentum he'd gained in the past few steps, and turns halfway around so he can give us a crusty.

It was hilarious. We tried not to laugh until we were out of earshot and Stanley manages to stammer out "Oh...I forgot we're on the Y campus."

It was so funny. I wish everyone a moment like it at some point in their lives. It was beautiful.

Another funny point (I thought I was funny at least) came to me during PoliSci. Someone mentioned using scriptures to reference - which makes sense considering the prompt - but then I start to imagine how to cite a reference from scripture.

Father, Heavenly. Book of Mormon Inter Younger, Alma T. Trans Smith, J.. Golden plates; 200 B.C.

Now, I realize there is a very specific format for citing religious texts in MLA format, but I think this is funnier.

By the way, I'm thinking of cutting my hair like this (note picture above). What do you think?

Alright, I'm off to go to the gym with Danica and do some Arabic homework.

Toodles!

Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Scholarships

2010-01-06T13:41:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting in the BYU library listening to this girl talk on her cell phone to her mother, I think. It makes me really happy to know there are other people like me out there. She's talking about how she speaks German and how in the German music she listens to they swear a lot but no one understands it except for her. She then proceeded to tell a story about how her roommates listen to soft-core pop and pop/country hybrid music and how they get upset when they hear a swear word in their language but couldn't care less if it's in another language. Baha.

So...this whole going back to school thing is interesting. I find walking through the massive crowds of people aggravating but interesting. Aggravating because I see so many people who are more or less the same - seriously. I saw three girls walking by each other who had the exact same hair color and only styled moderately differently. The coats are all the same, the boots paired with skinny jeans are all the same. It's like BYU had a uniform people studied while buying their college wardrobe.

Apparently I didn't get this memo.

However, it's interesting because I can't help but see these people and try to picture who and what they are. Every single one. I receive immediate impressions about them from their dress, if they're listening to an I-pod or not, how their hair is styled, how fast they're walking, how they react to the people around them.

I do this without thinking. This may or may not make me a complete freak.

So I need to take some pictures of my new apartment so I can post them on here.

That being said, I had the COOLEST day yesterday...except I left my camera and home and couldn't chronicle it. Which was probably a good thing because by the end of skiing Stanley and I looked like hot messes - hold the hot. He actually looked fine. His faux-hawk was a little wilted, but other than that he looked normal. I, however, had half-curly half straight hair, bloodshot eyes and make-up that was only half on.

It was awesome.

However, I now have more music in my collection, including some old favorites that I absolutely missed and needed to have, plus some new stuff too (love Jon McLaughlin, love!).

Except now I can't climb or descend stairs without some intense pain. Holy crap. I haven't felt like such a baby in a long time. We were only skiing for like, 50 minutes when I had to stop. Lame.

I have about, oh, 5 hours of homework to do tonight. That's all I'm planning for this evening, that and laundry. I haven't done laundry in a few weeks and the time is most definitely ripe. I just have to go to my interview meeting thing with Juan and Macaroni Grill and from there I will be studious and amazing. And clean. That way I can wake up and go to Arabic tomorrow at 8.

Boo.

Toodles!

-Jillian

2009-12-17T16:07:00.000-08:00

This last week or so has been a little hard. I'm not exactly sure why, except that Heavenly Father still has more to teach me before I move down to Provo.

First, the whole thing with the boy happened. That's still happening, I suppose. It's just every now and then I meet a person whose philosophies and ways of life are so different than mine I can't help but find them interesting and incredibly confusing at the same time. I'm like the stupid kid at the zoo who stands too close to the monkey cage. I learn a lot, but sometimes I get poo slung at me. Sometimes it misses and sometimes I get hit with it.

A lovely analogy, I know.

Also, I've just been having the hardest time motivating myself to work. Which is saying something, because this is one of jobs I've loved the most. And yet there are sometime when I show up and just think "I don't want to serve tables today. I don't want to interact with people, I don't want to balance a huge tray of water glasses, I don't want to put in special orders, I just don't want to." So I go through the motions and get cut as soon as I can.

Which makes me wonder: is it possible I'm just easily bored or do I just suck at sticking things out?

That question has bothered me for at least a year, but it hasn't been until the past few weeks that I've realized it affects me on different levels.

1) How often I've changed my major. Believe it or not, I do actually think things through before I change my major. I don't just pull the most recent major out of a hat and roll with it. And yet, the past few times I've changed my major, two months later I find myself bored and not feeling fulfilled by the major I've chosen.

This brings on the second problem 2) I don't have any goals in life. When I tell this to people they're like "well, get some goals." Not so simple. Again, I find these goals - to speak another language, to read a certain book, to travel and tour a certain part of the world, to achieve a certain degree, and again, in two months or so I don't want that goal anymore. I've moved onto something new and different, something new and shiny has distracted me from something I really wanted SO badly.

Part of it might be that in order to succeed in some of these goals it takes lots of time to figure out the fine details and to plan. But I usually can't focus and research enough to ever come up with a total plan, I get bored with research too easily.

It's so frustrating for me! I see so many people in their lives who are filled with passions and have accomplished things and know where they're going in life...and then there's me. And I know that if I could just stick with something for more than a few months I could accomplish it. It's just finding something and forcing myself to stick with it.

I can't help but wonder how much this actually has to do with me being ADHD or if I really just suck at life. It could be a little bit of both. Or, it could again be that Heavenly Father has a reason for me to be this sporadic.

The more I look at life and religion the more I see how important it is to have a one on one relationship with Heavenly Father. You can't rely on society or anyone else to blindly lead you into what you're purpose is in life. You have to take what you're told, what you're fed, what you're exposed to, and study and analyze it with the aid of Heavenly Father. Only then will you be able to truly do what you're supposed to, to live the principles that you need.

Most of the time this will probably clash with what society says for you to do - even a "good" Mormon society. Sometimes it's not right for you to have a child within the first few years of marriage. Sometimes it's not right for you to live the conventional "mormon" life, with a cute little family. This is right for some people, but I can guarantee that no family is the same. No family fits into the same perfect mold. Every family grows, stretches, has trials, learns, according to what Heavenly Father has planned for them. And that's what's important.

I'm an echo of the eternal cry: LET THERE BE!

2009-12-08T15:51:00.001-08:00

Here I go, musing once more. I really feel this is for my own amusement and gain. So why am I posting this on the internet you may ask and not just writing it in a journal? Maybe because I secretly enjoy knowing someone might discover it and read the thoughts I'm wrestling with right now.

I realize I'm not the exception to the rules. Or at least, I feel like i should realize this. I realize that all the things the prophets have said and all the rules set forth by them are for me just as much as they are for the masses.

And yet...

And yet I keep finding myself doing stupid things that may or may not fall under the category of disobedience, all the while rationalizing that certain rules, while they apply to me, should be adapted to fit me personally, as I truly feel should be done with gospel principles. We're not all cookie cutters and therefore cookie-cutter principles need not apply.

However...

However, I think I'm taking this principle to an extreme, saying that obvious standards of the gospel don't apply to me whenever I choose for them not too. And because of this I feel like I'm mixing things that are good for me with things that are bad for me in the blurry middle ground.

Also, I'm finding I'm having a hard time differentiating my feelings. I can't tell whether feelings of guilt or excitement or happiness are coming from Heavenly Father guiding me or from social stigmas or from past experiences influencing my current feelings and perceptions.

Plus...

Plus I'm not feeling settled. I keep looking for some place where I'm comfortable, some middle ground where I don't feel pushed and pulled in one hundred different directions, a place I'm not looking forward to leaving. I love living in West Valley, but I'm excited to get back to school. Yet even then I can't help but think about how stifled I sometimes feel while I'm there and wondering if maybe, just maybe, I'm supposed to be somewhere else, doing something else. Or maybe this feeling is what I need to keep progressing in life.

To top it all off I feel myself becoming more and more dumb as time goes by. Seriously. It's like I can feel the knowledge from 14 years of schooling slowly seeping out of my ear. People I talk to seem so full of knowledge and facts about art and life and I'm like "well...I can tell you about the best wines to pair with the Chicken Speidini at Macaroni Grill!"

Yeah, not so impressive.

However, all things are going as planned. I will be back in Provo in 3 weeks, attending school full time. So who knows? Maybe this too shall pass.

Toodles!

-Jillian

God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on the trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars

2009-08-16T19:41:00.001-07:00

I'm currently sitting on a LoveSac in the mansion, surrounded by people and their technology. There are six of us here, all of us are either on a computer or an I-Pod touch. Things like this always make me laugh, as we all sit here together in our own little worlds, not interacting or speaking to each other, though most of us are touching somehow.

That being said, it's been an interesting couple of days. At the beginning of the week I was not feeling the happiest, and it got worse as the week progressed. By Thursday I pretty much hated everyone and everything, but then suddenly, after I went horseback riding on Friday I felt much better. Then Saturday was blessed, I slept in, went to the park, went swimming, drank some cocoa. It was wonderful. Today I went to church, wrote in my journal, went into the park, climbed some rocks, had a potluck full of amazing food, had some good conversation, and now we're waiting to watch a movie. If we ever watch the movie.

I've been learning a lot about myself lately. I've always known what annoys me, but I didn't understand how or why things annoyed me. Lately though, I've begun to think about myself and why I get angry and it's been really helpful. It's helping me keep control of my temper much better.

Tonight I think I'm going to sleep out in the yard with Maggie, Liza, Jenny, and maybe Jessica. It should be fun.

However, I'm going to go. We're watching the movie now. :)

toodles!

-Jillian

Sometimes...

2009-08-10T12:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes little mercies from the Lord come in the oddest form. I'm having a bit of a rough day today, but I'm trying to keep things together while I'm at work, hawking dead animal skins. Suddenly I just know I need to listen to some Ben Folds. I go onto Pandora and click on one of my radio stations, hoping something akin to Ben Folds comes on and Fred Jones Part 2 comes on, which is probably one of the most cathartic of all of his songs, and it's the live version as well, which makes it infinitely better because it has the little pre-song conversation about Brick tagged onto the end of it. And that song right now just kind of represents my mood and how I feel.

Sometimes I feel completely superfluous and unwanted in my own life. I know this is false, that there are many people who want and appreciate me. There are just certain times when I don't feel it even though I know it.

Sometimes my mood swings are really intense. Nothing much more horrible than usual, I just think I'm noticing them more easily. Also, I'm spending my time with the same people which makes it more noticeable when I love them one moment and then an hour later I can't be in the same room with them without wanting to scream.

Sometimes I feel like I can conquer the world, memorizing dozens of languages and traveling for my entire life. Other times I wonder if I'm going to graduate with my undergrad by the time I'm 30.

Sometimes I don't notice patterns I find in myself. Like that I love hearts on clothing. I now own a scarf, shoes, a back-pack and and I used to have a sweater with multi-colored hearts on them.

Sometimes I can't help but think that if I had started saving for college my freshman year of high school that life would be easier. And I think I'm right.

Toodles.

Jillian

10 Secret Confessions

2009-07-29T10:01:00.001-07:00

1) I really like to be called girl. I don't know why, but when a guys calls me that it brings a little flourish of butterflies to my tummy, and I love it.

2) I don't like West Yellowstone. In fact, I mildly loathe it. I could never willingly bring myself to spend more than 4 months here, and that's only if 2 of those months are spent in a dark theatre, rehearsing with all the free soda and popcorn I can consume.

3) I have this odd feeling in the pit of my stomach that I've been fighting down for the past two weeks that I'm supposed to go back to school this year, and that I'm going to be making some changes, hanging out with different people, meeting more people. It's been interesting talking to Critter the past few weeks and learning about all these people that I know of, but don't actually know. It makes me want to get to know them, and everybody else, much better than I already do.

4) There's also this odd feeling I have that I'm going to be doing some intense, fast, but not necessarily painful growing up this next year, as a performer as well as a person. It's kind of exciting.

5) I like talking to people, one on one, or at least in a small group. It enables you to ask questions you wouldn't be able to otherwise.

6) I hate when people ditch out on plans. If you were invited to do something and said you were going to do it, than do it. I don't care if something more fun or more interesting comes up, once you've given your word stick to it.

7) I'm really REALLY upset I'm missing Jillian's wedding. Like, a lot. It's kind of killing my soul a little. She's still one of my best friends and I'm not going to be there to celebrate her making that life changing covenant.

8) It used to take a lot to annoy me. Now I get bothered very easily. Seriously. I've never wanted to punch so many people in the face in my life.

9) There are only 4, maybe 5 people I think I'll miss when this summer ends; there's only one, maybe two that I'll have withdrawals from and go out of my way to keep in contact with and visit. Which is weird for me. And it's not a problem with this cast, not at all, they're all amazing people. I just don't know most of them that well. I don't think the opportunities have really arisen to genuinely care about them. I suppose that's what happens when we all live on top of each other. You take the others existence for granted.

10) I really like doing Footloose now. I used to hate it, but for some reason now I love it. Though, as silly as this sounds, being onstage with Critter intimidates me sometimes. I feel like he's judging me even though he never says anything. Very few people affect me like that, and I hate it when they do. It drives me batty.

Toodles!

Jillian

I'm going back to Jackson!

2009-07-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

I never realized what a tender spot Jackson held in my heart until this summer. West isn't a bad place, I just don't know it as well and there's nowhere I can run for cheap milk.

That being said, I'm going to tell you a little bit about why my life is awesome right now.

1) I went out to the lake yesterday. Twice. The first time I went with Julia, Stacey, Critter, and Sam and it was amazing, just what I needed to pull me through this week. We laid out on the docks, built sand-castles, and most importantly, destroyed said sand-castles in the style of Godzilla, while catching it on tape. We were all there for about an hour and a half, but then they all headed back so they could get ready for the show and such. I didn't have to be back for another hour so I stayed out on the dock, sunbathing, swimming, and talking on the phone to Fune, who I miss dearly. After a few more dips in the lake I headed back and did a show. Afterwards Jenny and I headed back to the lake and we went skinny dipping, a first for both of us. It wasn't really skinny dipping. More like skinny jumping into the lake and getting out as fast as possible because it's a little creepy to be alone in the woods at night. But it was wonderful nonetheless.

2) I'm going to Jackson this weekend to see friends. I know for a fact I have to go to Billy's Burger and Bubba's, but the rest of the places are a toss up. I need to spend a week there just to eat all the food I want! PLUS I get to see Becca and Emily! I love those girls so so so much! They inspire me so much and always seem to keep my head on straight.

3) Last Sunday was the Walker 4th of July extravaganza and it was brilliant. I rode on a dirt-bike and a 4-wheeler and played some intense games of horseshoes and croquet. And yes, I realize the last part of the sentence makes me sound like I'm 75 with blue hair, but it really was quite fun. Also, during part of that extravaganza Jenny and I had to run to I.F. to buy some stuff and we stopped to jump into Rigby lake and spent the rest of the night looking like washed out bohemians.

As of right now I'm chilling at the cowhide place, attempting to sell dead animal skins. And yes, it is as glamourous as it sounds. It's free YNP weekend so all the tourists who are here aren't looking to spend any money on anything if they can help it, let alone drop $250 for a cowhide. Oh well, it gives me time to blog.

So the entire cast at the theatre is attempting not to get sick. Two night ago there was a family of about 40 who came to Secret Garden. They're all sharing a cabin up in Island Park, but apparently the sharing a cabin idea isn't such a hot one, as about half the family has the flu. That's right, the flu. At least 4 kids puked at the show Thursday night, but I've heard as many as 8 actually vomited on our carpet. It was ridiculous. All the women are wearing these long flowing dresses and as we're running on and off-stage we're busy jumping over piles of puke. It was not a happy time for us. The best part was at least two of the kids who threw up stayed for the entire show. And we had to shake hands with them afterwards. *shudders*

That's pretty much all I have to say right about now. I'll probably post Tuesday or Wednesday with tales of amazingness from Jackson!

Toodles!

-Jillian